NOAH & GOD STRIKE A BARGAIN.

And God said unto Noah. “Make thee an ark of gopher wood; rooms shalt
thou make in the ark, and the length of the ark shall be 300 cubits.
And of every living thing of all flesh, two of every sort shalt thou
bring into the ark, to keep them alive with thee.”
And Noah said,
“Sign thou here and leavest a deposit.”
And the Lord signed here and left a deposit.
And Noah was 600 years old when the flood of waters came upon the Earth.
And the Lord said unto Noah,
“Where is the ark, which I commanded thee to build?”
And Noah said unto the Lord,
“Verily, I have had three carpenters off sick.”
“The gopher wood supplier hath let me down-
Yea even thought the gopher wood has been on order for nigh upon twelve
months. The damp course specialist hath not turned up. What can I do oh
Lord?”
And God said unto Noah,
“I want that ark finished even after seven days and seven nights.”
And Noah said,
“It will be so.”
And it was not so!
And the Lord said unto Noah,
“What seemeth to be the trouble this time?”
And Noah said unto the Lord,
“Mine sub-contracter hath gone bankrupt. The pitch which Thou commandest
me to put on the outside and on the inside of the ark hath not arrived.
The plumber hath gone on strike.”
Noah rent his garments and said,
“The glazier departeth on holiday in Majorca- Yea, even though I
offerest him double time. Shem, my son who helpeth me on the ark side of
the business, hath formed a pop group with his brothers Ham and Japeth.
Lord, I am undone.”
And God said in his wrath,
“Noah. Do not thou mucketh me about!”
“The end of all flesh is come before me; for Earth is filled with
violence through them; and behold, I will destroy them with the Earth.
How can I destroy them with the Earth if thou art incapable of
completing the job thou was contracted to do?”
And Noah said,
“Lo, the contract will be filled.”
And Lo. It was not fulfilled.
And Noah said unto the Lord,
“The gopher wood is definitely in the warehouse.
Verily, and the gopher wood supplier waiteth only upon his servants to
find the invoices before he delivereth the gopher wood to me.”
And the Lord grew angry and said,
“Scrubbeth thou round the gopher wood. What about the animals?”
“Of fowls after their kind, and of cattle after their kind, of every
sort have I ordered to come unto thee, to keep them alive?
Where, for example, are the giraffes?”
And Noah said unto the Lord,
“They are expected today.”
And the Lord said unto Noah,
“And where are the clean beasts. The male and the female, to keep their
seed alive on the face of the Earth?”
And Noah said,
“The van cometh on Tuesday; Yea and yea, it will be so.”
And the Lord said unto Noah,
“How about the Unicorns?”
And Noah wrung his hands and wept, saying,
“Lord, Lord, They are a discontinued line. Thou canst not get Unicorns
for love nor money.”
And God said,
“Come thou, Noah, I have left with thee a deposit, and thou hast signed
a contract.”
“Where are the monkeys, and the bears, and the hippopotami, and the
elephants, and the zebras, and the hartebeests, two of each kind, and of
fowls, also of the air by sevens. The male and the female?”
And Noah said unto the Lord,
“They have been delivered to the wrong address, but should arriveth on
Friday, All save the fowls of the air by sevens, for it hath just been
told unto me, that fowls of the air are sold in half-dozens.”
And God said unto Noah,
“Thou hast not made an ark of gopher wood, nor hast thou lined it with
pitch within and without; and of every living thing of all flesh, two of
every sort, hast thou failed to bring into the ark. What sayest thou
Moses?”
And Noah kissed the Earth and sayeth,
“Lord, Lord, thou knowest in thine wisdom, what it is like with delivery
dates!”
And the Lord, in his wisdom sayeth,
“Noah, my son, I knowest. Why else dost thou think I have caused a flood
to descend upon the Earth?

That was extremely long! But it was funny