It's raining outside, the lightning crashes down and threatens to destroy the power lines while the thunder booms heavy in the hair. For many this is a time for great fear, the illusion that suddenly the sky is being ripped apart.

Yet for me this is a time of great solitude and peace. Finality resides in the air and naught but the most brave venture into this heavy rain with the sense that they are truly safe.

I have had much to think upon, much regret over my past, over the child I will never again hold in my arms as I did that day, the memories I will never have simply because I was not allowed to be there and the pain I will forever carry with me over all of the mistakes I have made, yet, here I stand now, ready to venture out into the rain.

Perhaps the Angels have wept tears I have not wept in some time, perhaps Mother God holds out her arms in warmth to me, cries for me to let me know that she still loves me.

Yet I can not love myself.

Of this I know, I am not depressed yet I do hate myself. I hate myself knowing that if I do not I can never change, I hate myself knowing that I can not forgive myself for the pain I've caused.

They say that no one can truly know how to live a life or raise a child yet I wonder as I sit her, if I could go back and tell myself the solutions to problems I only grew frustrated with, would things be different?

There was no more love between me and her Mother yet the love for that girl, even despite her being born of another's seed, that love retains despite everything and more than anything I wish upon that singular desire to go back to that rainy day so long ago when I first held in her my arms.

Then, that's just me.

Wow...what a write...Don't beat yourself up, you just keep stepping forward all the time...To sit and wallow in the past will get you nowhere...It doesn't matter about what you did back then, it is about what you will do NOW to make your life better, to make yourself start liking you...

excellent write.

Smiles good write :) I love this quote :) Life is about learning to dance in the rain. :) Your so young you have a long journey. Always smile :) and dance :)

A tug on my heart strings

Love the you in you,,,
The journey ahead is long,, yet
I do believe when you get there
it is so worth the travel

Life is filled with Awwwwwwwwwwwwwwww
bask in the greatness