im sure that im lost,
but im here to be found,
only slightly out of view,
under the dusty ground.

im sure that im lost,
for i cant see your face,
the face of an angel,
the beauty i remember.

i see it in the fire,
amongst the white hot ember.
oh why did i lose you,
like a leg,
i personly dismember.

why do i leave the things,
i hold so dear to me,
maybe for at the time,
its not so clear to see.


i walk away from love,
i walk away from you.
then i am abandoned,
in the cold fresh morning dew,

standing here alone,
roll up in my hand
a life time on my own,
in this cruel unpleasent land

one day you will find me,
for il be lying without grace,
in this once enchanting meadow,
that was our favirout place.

Beautiful

Wonderful write

thanks guys

lovely hun

ty hun

aw, that was really beautiful

That was a really good, I have to say. It has so many facts and lessons to learn. Thanks for sharing that

Pretty good aside from the grammar and spelling mistakes. I don't fully understand the vast environment changes though, from dusty to morning, and then into a meadow.

spelling; i didnt do school, and ive never even red a book.

enviroment; ive read this a few times and will agree its not great.
i just spit out whats on my mind and dont realy edit them.

im just not ready to change it yet as im not feeling inspired enough to make it better if that makes sense.
but i do get what you mean, and apreaciate the time taken to give a constructive critique. cheers fear

It is a good start, just the environment changes so rapidly and great that it throws off the piece. Understand the spelling bit, which is why I made it such a small part of my critique. In time mate, when you are ready, have at it. Cheers lonetar.