Is happy the nonsensical part? If so, I'm clearly delusional and destined to live a long, long time.

Well, I'm focusing on Fear's original point -- the idea that "things will get better" -- sure, in an overall sense, things get better and worse over time -- there are always fluctuations -- but in my experience, if we're talking about a relationship scenario, it's often completely delusional, on two fronts:

1.) We delude ourselves about someday finding "the one" -- while there is a lot of talk about this, i.e., "they'll come along at the right time," or "they'll show up when you stop looking so hard," I've seen nothing to indicate that this is anything more than an empty platitude, a metaphorical pacifier. There is no "procedure," no established methodology, just a lot of vapid verbiage.

2.) We delude ourselves into thinking each new prospect might be "the one" -- and then we're inevitably disappointed when they turn out to be something less than we had expected or hoped. One might avoid this sort of thing by NOT going into a situation with any pre-exisiting expectatins or hopes; but, then, that's how I ended up married. Hardly worth the effort.

I dunno if you're going through the same thing as me. Sounds a lot like it. Had to quit getting high, although you say you still do, "rarely". I had to quit altogether and suddenly and dump a lot of my "friends" who were keeping me high or holding me back in one way or another.

Yeah, I was living a life I thought I wanted to live, and rarely experienced a down moment. Now that these friends and acquiaintences are gone and my family disowned me (temporarily), it got real miserable real quick.

But in the past few weeks I have strived towards keeping myself clean, remotivating myself to do SOMETHING/ANYTHING to keep myself busy and improve my quality of life and be a better person in general than a useless pot/coke head, and rebuilding my social network with people of higher calibur.

So essentially I'm trying to be a better person in the eyes of the general population, no matter how nonconformist I thought I was. In doing so I have met a hell of a lot of people a hell of a lot better than the people I knew previously. I don't worry about trying to impress them or anything. I just introduce myself and let them know what I'm going through to a certain extent, still keeping some things hidden.

But in meeting all these folks and all the other actions I'm undertaking, things are actually getting better. I'm just concerned with making myself a better person. Once I am, all these other people will start coming around and a better life will start coming around.

Trust me, I have a pretty good idea what you're going through. It really is a roller coaster ride. I spent a while down in the dumps. But things will steady out.