OK. I'm looking for some unbiased advice from anyone willing to give it.

My divorce was finalized about 6 months ago, although we'd been separated since the fall of 2007.

I'm 30 years old, and lately I've been getting along very well with another young woman at my church. I've never really talked with her before, but I suddenly found myself very attracted to her. She's very attractive, intelligent, funny, and we share many similar values. I asked her recently how old she was, and she said she was 23. I honestly thought she was older than that.

Now, while I haven't really known her all that well until recently, I've come to be pretty good friends with her parents over the years, especially her mother. I also get along really well with her little sister, who is now 16, from when I taught her class at church a few years ago. I also know that her parents had nothing but the utmost respect for me as I went through the crap that was my divorce.

And, while my ex-wife no longer attends the church, her whole family, again especially her mother, knew my ex-wife until she stopped attending this church.

Now trust me, I'm not looking for a rebound girl or anything. I've been on a few dates, and I feel like I'm getting a pretty good grasp on what I'm looking for in a woman. And this young woman someone I'd like to get to know better, possibly on a romantic level.

There are some obvious things I'm wondering:
a) Is the age difference too great? Would it be icky for me to ask her out?
b) Is it just too weird and complicated that she and her entire family knows who my ex-wife is?
c) Any other concerns/complications you may see, or any other reasons that you may say "go for it!"

Thanks.

everybody is different. what works for one couple doesn't work for another

you're gonna get as many opinions as there are people answering. But they are just telling you how this situation would apply to their lives. You have to decide for yourself if it is something you could make work

Both my husbands were older that me, the first 7yrs and the second,11 yrs.. First marriage lasted 17 yrs and the 2nd, 26 yrs...Ask her..what do you have to lose...Be happy..

"Icky" is in the eye of the beholder. I personally feel that age is just a number -- all it really tells you is that this person has ridden the planet x number of times around the sun.

For those who pull out the old "Life experience!" bromide, I'm reminded that every single person who is, oh, let's say 48 years old, has had exactly the same experiences in life.

There ARE people who make age a consideration. That's fine, and they have every right to do so, and to determine their own preferences. I just think that using age, per se, might be a bit narrowing and short-sighted. But to each his/her own.

My feeling is that if two people like each other, the statistics are largely irrelevant. It's like refusing to go out with someone because they have the wrong shoe size.



I don't think there's a "rule" for this -- it's entirely situational. You know, going in, there might be the occasional awkward moment. If you're OK with that, then you'll be able to deal with it.



I guess I would say "it's only as big of a problem as you allow it to be."

a) 7 years is'nt a big deal at 30. Let your heart inspire your decision.
b) It is weird and complicated, however, it becomes less of an issue if you don't bring up the ex to them anymore. You have to put that ghost to rest.
c) I say go for it, but wait for an opportunity. Smile and say her name when you see her. Let your actions and personality convey your feelings. When you do ask her out, don't put her on the spot, ask her if she wants to do something or go someplace and make sure you include the words 'with me' at the end so she does'nt think you'll be going in a group.

I agree....go for it.
What's the worse that can happen.....she will say no. Oh well, on to someone else.

Good luck, I hope she says YES!!!!!

If it feels right....do it. Nothing wrong with taking a chance...you never know.....good luck....welcome and have a blast!

No, you are both adults. Its both of your personal preferences.



No it shouldn't be a complication. Relationships don't work out for various reasons. And, its the comfort level of all involved.



I have a theory that females don't know who they are and are comfortable with themselves until around 25 years of age. Now this is just my theory. Yes, everyone is different. I, also, appear to be older than my age by attitude, confidence, and personality, however, I didn't know who I was until around 25.

So, go for it! Keep it simple and slow. Ask her out and see how things go!

Best wishes!

Thanks Lex for coming out with this...I have never had this put just like this and it's very hard to say it myself.

You would be SURPRISED to see how very many people (women in my case) make this an exclusive issue!!! It has been almost like I'm already dead or something!!! My ex of 15 years is 16 years younger than me. We had two kids who are now 11 and 9. So I'm around younger people at the softball games and everywhere else all the time!! There's not any women my age gonnna want to have small children around except as "grand-children". And the younger ones that would accept my daughters as part of their lives won't even give me the time of day!!! LOL.......damned if you do and damned if you don't!!! I don't wanna give up though......but this site is pretty much dead......

Go for it. Seven years is not that much at thirty. It is nothing at fifty.

Her family could not reasonably expect you to not go on with you life. An any case, it is your life, not theirs.

could not put it any other way. My ex is 25 years younger then me. she is an ex for one reason and age wasn't it. It was her parents "hoopie ways"

As a general rule, and like Robin mentioned, I'm just speaking for myself and my own preference, I only extend my age limit to + or - 5 years either way. This girl is 7 years younger than you, which may still acceptable, especially considering how highly you speak of her. This tells me that she presents herself as more mature for her age than usual, which is a very good thing. If it works for you, then go for it. Only you can make that decision for yourself. The rest of us can only make suggestions.

My last gf was 23, the one before her was 19, and the one before her was 33. To me, it's not about the numbers, it's about the person.

If you two made it, when you are 100, she will be 93. Ain't no big thaaang. Have fun, this thing called life goes by like the twinkle of an eye.

I don't think so, but more importantly what do YOU and SHE think?



nope, unless you were abusive...



if it feels good, you are both happy... if your ready to take the change... go for it :)...

just my humble opinions...

i married a woman 9 yrs younger than me. we were married 17 yrs. age was never a factor

Age is just a number. Ask her out for a simple date see how it goes then talk to her about it and it you still feel weird the the 2 of you can talk to her parents. BUT you both are adults

Thanks everyone for the good advice. I'll definitely ask her out in the near future.