okay i wasn't sure where to put this question so i'll just put it on here. idk but the past 2 women i have tried to hook up with off this website it just seemed like didn't go so well. the first woman i came across, we hit if off well as we shared a lot of the same intrest,goals,etc. we talked on the phone everyday as well as text,email and talk on the computer but when it came time to hook up with her she would pull a no call and no show and then would hardly remember that we had a date when i asked her what had happen to her the next day. after about 2 months of this i decided to move on. this woman was in her early 20's by the way.

after that experience i decided maybe what i needed was a woman who was perhaps older than i was,seemed more passionate about what it was she wanted and wasn't about head games or what have you so i ended up talking to a woman in her late 30's. we kicked it off good talking on the phone,email,text,etc. i expressed to her how i was really feeling her as a person, as a individual and just how i was really trying to get to know her. she was feeling the same way about me. we hooked up on our first date after about a month and a half of talking and it went very well. the subject was brought up of hooking up again and she told me that her son would be with her cause she didn't wanna leave him home alone easter weekend. my being a uncle to a baby boy i was like hey its all good, no problem even though deep down i felt that it was a little too soon to be seeing her kid. yesterday she sends me a message via text saying she can't wait to see me next week, how she misses me but by 5pm the same day she dumps me! i'm like, whoa what the heck happen? i asked her did i do something wrong and she tells me we just aren't compatable and i show her heartfelt messages she sent me, most of which she talked about how compatable we were, how she likes me alot and she really had no defense for it. she even had the nerve to say me and her were not committed to one another and that we were only dating however thats not what she told me when she asked me about how she felt about us possibly being a couple just days after our first date as she told me she would love for us to be girlfriend and boyfriend and i said to her i guess i'm off limits then and she said yes. oh and keep in mind this woman asked me the weirdest question now that i'm thinking about it, she asked me if i ever wanna get married. not sure if that was a red flag at the time but now i think it is looking back.

i'm glad that we didn't have sex though some of the things we did on our date we might as well should have but i feel as though i was used,very confused. i'm not really the type that likes to sit up and date multiple women as i just focus on one woman only as well as not make out on a first date unless there is some serious chemistry and we both feel the same way for one another to go that route. it seems there's some new trend going on that i'm not aware of. i'm not really sure how to handle myself in future dates to avoid being hurt like this so any advice,dating tips would be appreciated. i've never had this problem before but then again its been a while now since i've dated and apprarently times have changed. thanks for replying in advance

What is your question?

You need to find a person you can date regularly, at least twice a month, and talk perhaps twice a week on the phone. Do not invest in statements about feelings until at LEAST 60 days into the situation.

If you invest more than you are prepared to lose based on a romanticized fantasy version of what you think is going on.... you will end up getting hurt.

Boundaries. Boundaries. Boundaries.



Ps, don't meet anyone's kids on a second date. EVER EVER EVER

I'm going to preface this with "this is just my opinion, and should be taken with a grain of salt". No insult or assumption intended.

Reading your post, it sounds like you were moving pretty fast. I mean, I understand being excited about the potential, but talking about becoming a couple after one date would definitely send me running for the hills, no matter how great the date was. *shrug*

My advice would be to slow down, take your time to get to know them before jumping right to discussions about long term, and make sure what you're feeling is real, not just what you're feeling at the moment.

perhaps a friends first approach would work

hey, i don't beleive i said i had a question, i beleive i said i needed advice. i know i stressed this towaards the end. i know its kinda wordy and i may edit it later. i'm new on here but hope to get the swing of things

It sounds like the first one was just plain disrespectful and was playing games.
The second woman is running scared and she may not have known how to tell you that. It might not of had anything to do with you at all since she has a son.
Something may have came up that she was afraid for you to see as"baggage".

no i wasn't moving fast at all and i wasn't the one that brought up being a couple, she did. i am the type of person who is really laid back, i just go with the flow of things. i react off of how other people act and keep my feelings/thoughts to myself until it needs to be said. you do bring up a good point however which is as soon as that was brought up it should have been a red flag. yeah i think i will go much,much slower next time, without a doubt

ok then,

Advice; follow your intuition

Ahhh ok, I misread :) Sorry about that! (I'm choosing to blame the allergy meds making my head rather soupy, lol)

I've always found that the best relationships I have had stemmed from a solid friendship first. I agree with what challengingmind said about the first woman playing games - the very first no show would have been a deal killer for me. I subscribe to the "fool me once, shame on you" theory, lol.

thank you! you are so right. i mean i wasn't trying to sound mean about it you know? like i said i'm a uncle and hey i'ma big kid at heart myself as i have a lil hobby drawing,painting, collecting and building figures, hiring commision sculpters to build movie or comic book chracters for me but a kid on the first or 2nd date? that shouldn't even be brought up or happen for months! i'm glad i'm not the only one that thought that was weird lol

i dont know what the problem is for a guy to meet your kids.... my guy when i first met him.. he not only met my mom but also my son..

I think it's a personal choice. For me, it would never, ever happen because I don't yet know if the person is going to be a part of my life in any capacity, and I'd really prefer not to confuse the issue by bringing my daughter into the mix.

The thing is, people sometimes lose sight of the bigger picture. The forest through the trees thing.

Actions speak louder than words. Keep it slow, set up and enforce boundaries, and make sure the person you decide to invest in isn't made of blown sugar. That breaks so fast.... and it melts.

Don't get caught up in the rush of someone else's emotions.

Good luck to you.


By the way, men do the same exact thing... Your dating stories are sooooo familiar.

If you introduce your kids to too many people, well, they shouldn't meet people that aren't going to stay in their lives or be good for them. No way you can determine that on the first date, and it's just reckless. If it doesn't work out, then you do it again? What message does that send to children? My parent's a flake? Or worse...

My thoughts exactly! And, no matter how hard you try to get to know someone before the first date, there's always the risk that you haven't really gotten to know them at all. After all, serial killers can come across as really great people too, lol. (An extreme example, but still....better safe than sorry :) )

queene123, i guess it kind of depends on the situation, the people involved but not everyone rolls that way. diffrent strokes for diffrent folks as they say. and i guess its safe to say a large part that problem is that the date should be about you and the person you are dating. the dating is suppose to be about getting to know some one to the point that you feel comfortable maybe showing them where you live,your neighborhood,etc. now its one thing if maybe the date picks you up at home and theres a quick introduction to other family meembers but to be on your date with those family members/ kid....some people just don't like that.

speaking of which also on the first date she showed me where she lived,what street address its on, her mom's car, her window,what stores she goes, where she drops her son off for him to get on the school bus too and i'm kind of thinking to myself should i really being seeing all this on a first date? i thought when going out on a date its suppose to be in a neutral area and kinda not near where one lives, i could be wrong and if so its okay lol

I think if any of us really had the answers to this stuff we wouldn't even be on this site.lol

I hate time tables. You take your time and don't bring up commitment questions then next thing you know your in a FWB situation. Or friends with out benefits where you still have a good time with the other person. Hang out, still got the guy girl vibe going on BUT.....leaving yourself open to find someone else, so you never do actually end in a "relationship".

OR

You do bring it up and then wham its to fast so your dropped.

One minute they give you there undevided attention..the next they are busy...then attention...then busy over and over again.

The truth is we actually never really know if someone completely wants until they day they introduce as thier significant other! LOL

that is so true!!

Or, if you serial date.... you teach your kids you'll not bring people into their lives they can count on. They will learn to
not trust you or the "dates".... they will be taught relationships are not permanent, that it's okay to go in and out of others lives....

I can't help but think there is something wrong with the fact that these potentials even have to be explained, and that you wouldn't prevent the mere possibility of your kids getting hurt. Not to mention that dating is private and personal and none of your kids business.