Okay so here is my dilemma. I had been dating this guy for just about 6 months. Madly in love with him almost from the beginning. We mesh great. At one point he loved me the way I do him, but he said that it became just about normal chit chat and sex, no more emotion. We both are nurses but work opposite shifts... timing was always conflicting. He became my best friend. Well he told me the other day that while he still loves me he is only in love with me a bit. He does not believe that we can get it back. I have been devastated. We have talked since, but I really have lost my best friend, my lover, my companion. I know it is useless to try for him back, but I must confess I do in every way possible. I know once he makes up a decision to break up with a girl that is it.. he will be friends, but never again lovers. I need him as a friend... but I am not sure if it would be healthy for me. I do have a notion in my head. I can't deny it. Advice is badly needed... any ideas???

thanks
Nicole

You wont be able to be friends. At least not for many years

i'm friends with people i've sleeped with and it makes them great friends.

Something I'm quite sure you've heard many times:

If you love something, set it free.
If it comes back to you, it's yours.
If it doesn't, hunt it down and kill it.

I think that it is possible to be friends after the break up, but there has to be space for the feelings to die down before you can do so successfully. IMO, for what it's worth, there is no such thing as a "little bit in love" - you either are or you aren't. It may just be that he was trying to ease you down gently, which is admirable in a way, but still...saying it that way can cause mixed signals, which only gets you hurt more.

I dated a guy for two years who was my best friend on the planet. We could talk about anything under the sun, and never worry about having to filter or explain anything. It was really tough to realize that we weren't meant to be as a couple, and it took a long time for me to adjust to being around him without being with him. We're still easing back to friendship mode, and there are times when it can still be a little awkward. But, I think that if both people truly want to make the friendship work, it can be done. You just have to respect the fact that certain things can hurt at first, and avoid certain topics until you're positive that the feelings are gone.

I won't assume what the notion is that you have, because assumptions are bad, but having been in the situation you're in, I can guess. If it's what I think it is (that this could someday turn back around), be careful - that sort of thinking leads to worse heartache than what you're going through now.

Hope that helps, and I'm sorry to hear about the breakup.

I am sorry you are going thru this. However, he never loved you to begin with; you wanted to believe he did, because women romanticize about their partners, but the reality is he’s got what he needed from you, and now is time to move on.
I wish that my words would be less painful, but this is the only way to show you that what he felt for you wasn’t love. Forget about him, move on; true love will come to you.



"Love is patient, love is kind.
It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.
It is not rude, it is not self-seeking,
It is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.
Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.
It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always preserves."
Author: 1 Corinthians 13:4-7

If I loved him and wanted more than he was willing to give I couldn't NOW be in the friend zone... Why prolong the heartache??

Time and distancing from him will help. Good luck

I guess because I feel like I have noone else to go to. one major thing that I did forget to say is... I started dating him 2 weeks after my husband and I split up. When I was with my husband (5 years) I leveled off all of my friends. When we broke up, there was Jason, He was there for me is every possible way. I learned to open up to him. I started exploring new things in life with him. I guess I want atleast a friendship with him because he became such a crucial part of my life. I am not sure I can bare to have everything taken from beneath me at once. Its too much for me to take.

Ouch - rebound relationships can be the worst when they end. I do understand not wanting to lose your best friend, but honestly, the best possible thing you can do for yourself right now is take care of yourself. You have to give yourself time and space to mourn the relationship, both with your husband and with this guy. Until you do, any relationship you enter into is going to suffer from it.

It's hard to do, I know. But you have to take the time for yourself to be by yourself.

I'm sorry to have to say this to you and I only say it because I have lived this very thing... Being friends is not going to be healthy for you because you won't allow yourself to move forward.. It was very hard on me at first not to call or email him but it did get easier with time...

You need to join MoveOn.org.

well said, ....i sence Leolion86
has a tad bit of insecurity...wanting to be with someone for the fear of being alone...

if you really love him then you don't expect anything in return from him for that love

yes....

it's time to let go
people come into your life for a season, a reason, or a lifetime...

at times we need to decide for ourselves why the person is in our lives....