Here's my generalized list which is open to negotiations ( must be submitted in written email form)

Must be male
Must speak semi-fluent English
Must have a pulse
Must tolerate children
Must tolerate dogs & cats sleepin at the foot of the bed

Must accept me for who I am
Must accept that I am a mom and that is my priority
Must want a physical relationship
Must not want me to do all the work
Must be honest, trustworthy and faithful.

No wonder I can't get a date.

Chrissy, I think our standards are too high, we might need to consider lowerin em just a bit

Was unaware this was limted to 5. I would like to think if I were to date someone there would be more than just 5 parameters.

Redd, not just yet, I have faith.

No drugs
No alcohol
No kids
No trying to domesticate me

Everything else is negotiable.

Unfortunately, there is only one woman in the world who qualifies, and I've already messed that one up somehow.

No one is good enough for me

Chrissy, it was sarcasim. Frankly I don't think we got our standards high enough

I know you were being sarcastic sweety, I'm just feeling lucky.

I'm also countin on

Umm, I'm not quite sure if you know this or not, but millions of women have kids.

I really must agree with what Lex has mentioned many, many times, about all the women with the "my kids are my world" edict. I understand everybody loves their own kids, but when they become "your world", where does it leave a man standing, and how do you ever do anything for yourself?

He must know how to communicate.
He must have a good sense of humor, because my sarcasm is a B!tch sometimes.
He must shave.
He must be smart.
He must be able to challenge my mind.
He must be honest.
He must be willing to try new things.

My thinking is -- your kids SHOULD come first. If they didn't, I would find that a little disturbing.

That being said, I find it a bit odd when the language comes across as defensive and accusatory -- "I'm a single mother of two kids and They Are My World™ and if you can't handle that, you should go jump in a river full of angry piranha."

It strikes me as just another way of saying "I really don't have any room for anything else in my life right now," which is potentially somewhat self-defeating when written on a dating site.

Not that it matters to me personally, one way or the other. I won't get involved with anyone who has kids, regardless.

I just wonder why they're so militant about it sometimes....

Lex, Do u consider this statement to be militant?-


Single Mom to 2 boys ages 10 & 4. If u don't want kids in ur life then keep on steppin.


I'm honestly curious.

That's actually bordering on an invitation rather than militancy.

Lex, I apologize. I may have been slightly unclear in the wording of my last post, and I appreciate your correction (RE: "your kids SHOULD come first. If they didn't, I would find that a little disturbing.").

What sort of invitation? Would u have a suggestion on how to reword?

No apology necessary -- I was speaking generically with the "Your kids SHOULD come first" line. It just seems so inherently obvious, that it's difficult for me to fathom any need to even raise that point. And yet, they do -- incessantly.

From an alternative standpoint -- if someone wrote "I have two kids but I don't bother with them much, I don't know what they're into, and I really don't care," that would be a red flag -- in terms of "If she doesn't even care about her own kids, how much of a priority is she going to put into a relationship....?"

And what kind of person admits to not caring about their own kids?

But, on the opposite end of the spectrum, "They are my world" comes across as "I can't be bothered with anything/anybody else." It sounds to me more like "This is all I CAN care about" as opposed to "I don't care about anything." Neither one seems conducive to a relationship scenario.

No, it's not militant -- my reference to "militant" was really directed more towards the ones who become actively hostile at t he concept that someone might not accept them because they have kids.

The example you provided above is more redundant and unnecessary than militant or hostile. If I don't want kids in my life, I don't have to read anything beyond "Single Mom." Any reiterations on a theme after that are just echoes.

Well, just from my own personal perspective, it comes across as an invitation to gentlemen who do not WANT to have kids within the relationship. "If you don't want kids in your life, then keep on steppin'." Well, okay! Color me gone!

To that end, to a certain extent, I can't really say I blame them. There are many men who don't want the added attraction of kids interfering in a budding relationship. Truth be told, more often than not, they are a tremendous strain on trying to get a romance to blossom. This is NOT intended to be a blanket statement, and granted, it's a sure bet that there ARE men who have no problem with kids. Either way, it's a crapshoot at best. Some folks like the idea of a pre-existing built-in family. Others prefer not to have to deal with the attention diversion, the ex, extra expenses, etc.

I'm just sayin'.

Diplomacy has never been my strong suit (never would've guessed, huh?), but perhaps an example of how to word it differently would be something like, "I have children. They have needs. I would appreciate the assistance, but if this is not what you are interested in, I understand. Unfortunately, we might not make a good match, but I wish you good fortune in your further endeavors."

Okay, maybe not so wordy (not to worry, though -- most would have severe difficulty considering this route). I just enjoy utilizing my education. That's how I roll.

While the ultimate intent of "I have kids and I'm really only looking for someone who can accept that they are the major focus of my life" and "I am a single mother of two kids and they are my world and if you don't like it, then get lost" may, in fact, be the same, there is something to be said for the palatability of the delivery.