Everytime i see a family,
husband and wife, and newborn baby
it makes me sad to see the faces of
the blessed ones living happily.
Oh how i prayed, oh how i wished i had this kind of
happiness, i missed the mark, this is what i alway's wanted
all has been denied and delayed
it is way to late for me.
now i am a bitter shell of a woman on her own
living unhappily!
i live in the now getting served up whatever is dished
out to me.
you see! all my fruitful years were ripped away
by an illness in my mind, diagnosis ''bipolar insanity''
all the blessings i should have had were replaced by numbing
medication,it ruined my body, and living happily was out of the question, love became harder to find all because i went out of my mind!
i live unfulfilled because the dreams of hearth and home were killed.
i never had the dream wedding, never was the one to wear the gown or be the lovely bride.
i never had the blessing of feeling a newborn babe kick inside.
easy for some who never knew this longing! don't hand me a sermon or preach about what i had to say! noone can relate to this pain, so i live unhappily today
all the best things in life and blessings have skipped me over, leaving me angry, empty and dry!
All i ever hoped for has left me
all my dreams smashed, now i sit with the tears i cry
why God why?
the years are gone by
i'm not happy,i sigh
i'm ''unhappily''all there is to do is die!!

Soooooo, how ya feelin now?

You requested no lecture - deal!

My son born with Down syndrome indeed
Focuses on what is and all he can be
Two holes in his heart
Two holes in one eye
Hairs missing on his head
Yet he doesn't cry
His abilities are grand
His smiles so pure
I learn from him each day
To expect so much more
To see what is good
To not label or be unkind
Happiness is
All in one's mind

SDF

Wishing YOU the very best. Focusing on abilities can make all the difference in the world

I did not mean to bring anyone down, this is just the way i feel! i watched my sister and everyone else in my family have the dream weddings and that was my goal in life!so i write about the pain!!

You need not apologize for creating something that helps people see the way you feel. Please remember that while somethings may be lost to you, but the chance for happiness is never gone as long as there is breath and hope.

thanks for understanding! most people cannot relate to this pain unless they have been through it themselves!i feel kinda cheated!and all people do is preach that it is gods will for me to be alone!!thanks again!

Well if that's what they are telling you don't listen, they haven't a clue. You deserve to be happy and obviously alone is not making you happy.

Season of River

There is a river that flows
In season it shall dry and expose
Lying on the parched grit sand
what has dried fits in your hand
a holding place the withered remains
is there beauty or disdain
Once a river, now a bed
void of movement, is it dead?
When the season takes its turn
life and movement, balance earned
Who will stop the river now
He whom to, you shall bow.

Raine Les 3/25/2009

You have such intensity, searching for peace in your hopes and longings. There are many who share your feelings and emotional
placement. Keep writing, and share your thanksgiving. We do appreciate encouragement.

Yes, perhaps all there is left to do IS die....grieve your losses and then die to old feelings, old beliefs, old behaviors....

Bipolar is an illness yet it is treatable, and although your life trajectory may have been altered, it does not mean you cannot find happiness.

You can still have a loving relationship and get married, you can adopt, you can be happy...if you believe you deserve happiness.

If you believe it is only for others, that's the way you'll see any kind of happiness, even if it is staring you right in the face as it lies at your very feet.

Don't give into fear

I feel your pain but hope you know you are not alone as I ride in this boat with you.

The mania
called biplar
by the masses
that do not
understand
rages within
far from
the reaches
of my hand

Were it closer
to the fingers
that I might reach
I would rip it away
and on it's ugly head
I would stand

The beauty in these
rages
can only be felt
from deep within
a soul that truly
understands
where it is
this comes from
instead of
seeing where
my anger lands

The apathy
that is quick
to follow
is oft misunderstood
it's just me being
heartless
feeling but with
my hands

The aloneness
is something I carry
but still something
I should share
alone
is what I feel
yet people are
everywhere

I do all I can
to not let it get
me down
knowing there is
happiness
with another
in my life
waiting for me
somewhere

I have seen what
life might be
with someone there
to share
all the little things
about which
I do care




Being diagnosed was really hard on me and I wasn't diagnosed till just a few years ago but since then life has been almost harder than it ever was before.
Things do change though. I have made some drastic changes in my life recently and things are looking up for me.
If I can do it so can you!!! I have faith in you and am here if you want to talk about it...

I have a daughter, and my husband was manic. It is debilitating and there is joy. It will bring you closer to some and fear stays the distance. At times the helplessness buries you. It took my grandson away, now a year old. It has given understanding to know love deeper than just a superficial glance, to anyone met.
love, sadie