A couple had only been married for two weeks and the husband, although very
much in love, couldn't wait to go out on the town and party with his old
buddies. So he said to his new wife, 'Honey, I'll be right back.'

'Where are you going, Coochy Coo?' asked the wife.

'I'm going to the bar, Pretty Face,' he answered. I'm going to have a beer'

The wife said, 'You want a beer, my love?' She opened the door to the
refrigerator and showed him 25 different kinds of beer, brands from 12
different countries: Germany, Holland, Japan, India, etc.

The husband didn't know what to do, and the only thing that he could think
of saying was, 'Yes, Lollipop.. but at the bar. You know, they have frozen
glasses. '

He didn't get to finish the sentence because the wife interrupted him by
saying, 'You want a frozen glass, Puppy Face?' She took a huge beer mug out
of the freezer - so frozen that she was getting chills just holding it.

The husband, looking a bit pale, said, 'Yes, Tootsie Roll, but at the bar
they have those hors d'oeuvres that are really delicious. I won't be long.
I'll be right back, I promise. OK?'

'You want hors d'oeuvres, Poochie Pooh?' She opened the oven and took out 5
dishes of different hors d'oeuvres: chicken wings, pigs in blankets,
mushroom caps, and little quiches.

'But my sweet honey at the bar you know there's swearing, dirty words and
all that.'

'You want dirty words, Cutie Pie? LISTEN UP CHICKEN SH IT. SIT YOUR ASS DOWN,
SHUT THE HELL UP, DRINK YOUR FRICKIN' BEER IN YOUR FROZEN MUG AND EAT YOUR
DAMNED HORS D'OEUVRES BECAUSE YOUR MARRIED ASS ISN'T GOING TO A BAR... THAT
CRAP'S OVER, GOT IT, JACKASS?'

And they lived happily ever after Isn't that a sweet story?

you forgot to tell about how the darling wife compares her husband to her ex-boyfriends, but he can't even live in an adjacent state to any of his ex-girlfriends.