when others fail to see what is right, you tend to shun what you believe. When the walls that confine you, finally trap you in, you care not anymore.

A losing battle drives you mad. Not at anything, but at you, at me. Where are you? Can you even see? What i see everyday is the hell I let you make for me. There remains only two good things you have brought to my heart, mind and soul. They are a little boy and a little girl. The only two people in this world who need me and i pushed them away to make the wrongs right with you. The struggle is tiring and wearing me down. Where do i go from here? Giving up seems to be a cop out, and giving in insults my intelligence and my pride. The ride is not ending and you make me sick. Hateful thoughts pound the walls of my brain, too love you or to hate you seems so insane. Your soul has become bitter towards me and the rest of the world & the demon within you makes me sad.

Resentment tastes too great now. Is that the way it should be or the only choice i have been given? All that you were before, you have become again. You avoid so much witht he prick of your skin. Easy escape or a bull**** routine?

Love has come and gone yet i still weep for us. I dont want to, i try hard not to, iit never goes away. Contentment and happiness would be so great, but into the fast lane you finally meet your fate. As do I, by you! You have made you and in so many ways you have made me the me that i am today.

I avoid thoughts of you throughout the day hoping my dreams will be empty at night. Your dark hole is starting to cloud me, push me, drive me and tear me in two. As your blood runs faster your reality fades. Why dont you stop, look and listen? Listen to what your heart tells you and not what your lifelines thrive to taste. I hope you gag. I hope you feel my hate. You have infected me with dull shaded feelings. I find myself not caring for you or about you, this gets hard for me, because i have loved you for so long. My silver spring is tarnishing. Your own life cast a spell on you. Now you are no longer the master of your fate, but a follower asking take me there.

The hate still grows. Still and again. Past memories are my only happiness, while the thoughts of you, now i wish would pass. The finality of the end is drawing near. I feel it closer than ever. So, i am getting off this ride. I hope you learn to deal with you and the madness you have created which leads to your confinement. I hope you can cage the monkey before what life you have left in you seeps from the wounds in your arms that you so strongly think you are able to control.

Only you can show me the you that you say is still inside. Until then i slowly wake awake without a second glance back. I close my eyes. Fade to Black.


crazysillygirl

WoW,

I am totally speechless!!!
I'm sure there are alot of us out there that have or do feel that way today!!!!!

thank you