Unbelieving ears,
Unbelieving eyes,
Voice screaming,
Voice pleading,
Voice praying, DEAR GOD NO!!!
Shock,
Disbelief,
Racing mind,
Racing heart,
Voice praying, DEAR GOD PLEASE!!!
Madness,
Hustle,
Confusing mind,
Heart praying, DEAR GOD HELP!!!
Waiting,
Hoping,
Praying,
Mind numb,
Hard to think...pray..DEAR GOD...
Hope fading,
Heart breaking,
Can't comprehend,
Where are you God???

Time to let go,
Hand shaking,
One signature,
Switch off,
Death so near.
One last kiss,
One last breath,
Goodbye my sweetheart
Go into the light...
God is found.

Phone calls,
Smothered with friends,
Family,
Food,
Flowers,
Hugs,
Tears,
Memories
Bitter sweet.
Mailman delivers
Too many to count.
Life is a blur.

Time to celebrate
A life so rich
Hundreds come
Good bye to
Daddy,
Papa,
Uncle,
Son,
Brother,
Coach,
Friend,
Husband.
Heart is so full.

The final goodbye,
DON'T LIKE THIS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Not to see ,
Touch,
Smell,
Kiss,
Feel again.

Inside screaming,
Outward calm.
Tears won't come,
Shock,
Inward screaming,
Heart aching.
Inward HELL!!
Lonely days,
Nights indescribable.
Where is that place
To hide from the world?
Want to scream,"LEAVE ME ALONE!!"
Not wanting it really.

Reality???
Tears come
Voice screams,
WHY GOD, WHY???
Disbelief again.
More tears
Voice screams louder,
"GOD, I DON'T UNDERSTAND!!!"

Days,
Weeks,
Months,
Years,
More reality,
Disbelief,
Tears,
Screaming,
"WHERE ARE YOU GOD?"

Acceptance??
Tears,
Voice quieting to a whisper.
Tears still come,
Heart still breaking,
Heart craves,
Tears are now
Coming too easy.
Is God comforting sometimes?
Can't feel it...
Still don't understand.

Mind's eye always plays
Awful playbacks
Heart feels so raw.
I'm waiting...
Waiting...
Someday...
To feel God's love,
God holding,
Comforting...
Just have patience---
Someday????

Beautiful write and much hugs to you...

Thanks so much!

Oh Wow this was heart wrenching. To mnay time we wonder if God really did leave us alone to deal with this kind of heart ache. He never leaves us, if he did we would not survive this.

Beautiful piece. I'm glad you shared this with us.

Thanks. I wrote that when I was in a much darker place. 48 is TOO young to die. I am in a much better place now. More at peace. Thanks for your kind words. This is the first time I shared it with anyone.

Thanks Mirror!

Mary, I have been there. I can still feel that fresh pain when I hear, see, smell, read . . . Hugs to you. God was my salvation.

Yes, I know. I wrote that long ago, when the pain was so new and the feelings so raw. I realize now that it was God who held me up, even though I was blind to it then. Thanks for the kind words. ((( )))

The pain, loss and anguish so clearly shines through. Thank you for sharing.

A wonderful write,you explained it all,yet so sad.Hugs

Thank you!

Thanks for reading!

An absolutely beautiful & heart rendering write.Godspeed!Cy

Reaches out to hug - pulls back, not wishing to intrude. Raging waters, storming winds, and wild forest fires batter, slam, and push yet in the end the calm returns and with a deep shaking breath a cleansed earth begins again. Human emotions are very similar. Well written with deep sensory tentacles......

Beautifully said...you got it! Thanks for your thoughts!

Thank you!

Thanks!

Mary Big Hugs does it ever go away. Time heals some :) good read TY :)