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| Topic: Conservative Divorce Proposal for America | |
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Edited by
scoundrel
on
Wed 02/25/09 10:57 PM
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Divorce Agreement Dear American liberals, leftists, social progressives, socialists, Marxists and Obama supporters, et al: We have stuck together since the late 1950's, but the whole of this latest election process has made me realize that I want a divorce. I know we tolerated each other for many years for the sake of future generations, but sadly, this relationship has run its course. Our two ideological sides of America cannot and will not ever agree on what is right so let's just end it on friendly terms. We can smile and chalk it up to irreconcilable differences and go our own way. Here is a model separation agreement: Our two groups can equitably divide up the country by landmass each taking a portion. That will be the difficult part, but I am sure our two sides can come to a friendly agreement. After that, it should be relatively easy! Our respective representatives can effortlessly divide other assets since both sides have such distinct and disparate tastes. 1. We don't like redistributive taxes so you can keep them. 2. You are welcome to the liberal judges and the ACLU. 3. You can keep Oprah, Michael Moore and Rosie O'Donnell (You are, however, responsible for finding a bio-diesel vehicle big enough to move all three of them). 4. You can have your beloved homeless, homeboys, hippies and illegal aliens. 5. You can make nice with Iran and Palestine. 6. You can have the peaceniks and war protesters. 7. You are welcome to Islam, Scientology, Humanism and Shirley McClain. 8. You can also have the U.N.. but we will no longer be paying the bill. 9. You can take every Subaru station wagon you can find. 10. You can give everyone healthcare if you can find any practicing doctors. 11. You are welcome to make up your own national anthem, such as Imagine, I'd Like to Teach the World to Sing, Kum Ba Ya or We Are the World, etc. 12. Since you hate guns and war, we'll take our firearms, the cops, the NRA and the military. 13. We'll keep the capitalism, greedy corporations, pharmaceutical companies, Wal-Mart and Wall Street. 14. We'll keep the hot Alaskan hockey moms, greedy CEO's and rednecks. 15. We'll keep the Bibles and give you NBC and Hollywood. 16. We'll retain the right to invade and hammer places that threaten us. 17. When our allies or our way of life are under assault, we'll help provide them security. 18. We'll keep our Judeo-Christian values. 19. We'll keep the SUVs, pickup trucks and oversized luxury cars. 20. We'll continue to believe healthcare is a luxury and not a right. We'll keep The Battle Hymn of the Republic and the National Anthem. I'm sure 21. We'll practice trickle down economics and you can give trickle up poverty your best shot. 22. Since it often so offends you, we'll keep our history, our name and our flag. Would you agree to this? If so, please pass it along to other like minded liberal and conservative patriots and if you do not agree, just hit delete. In the spirit of friendly parting, I'll bet you ANWAR which one of us will need whose help in 15 years. Sincerely, John J. Wall Law Student and an American P.S. Also, please take Barbara Streisand & Jane Fonda with you. Peace be unto you!  
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