My wife sat down on the couch next to me as I was flipping channels.

She asked, 'What's on TV?'

I said, 'Dust.'

And that's when the fight started.

When I got home last night, my wife demanded that I take her

someplace expensive...so, I took her to a gas station.....

And that's when the fight started.

After retiring, I went to the Social Security office to apply for

Social Security. The women behind the counter asked me for my driver's

license to verify my age. I looked in my pockets and realized I had

left my wallet at home.

I told the woman that I was very sorry, but I would have to go home

and come back later.



The woman said, 'Unbutton your shirt'. So I opened my shirt

revealing my curly silver hair. She said, 'That silver hair on your

chest is proof enough for me' and she processed my Social

Security application.



When I got home, I excitedly told my wife about my experience

at the Social Security office.



She said, 'you should have dropped your pants. You might have

gotten disability, too.'

And that's when the fight started....

I rear-ended a car this morning. So, there we were alongside the road

and slowly the other driver got out of his car. You know how sometimes

you just get sooooo stressed and little things just seem funny?



Yeah, well I couldn't believe it...he was a DWARF!!!!



He stormed over to my car, looked up at me, and shouted,

'I AM NOT HAPPY!'



So, I looked down at him and said, 'Well, then which one are you?'



And that's when the fight started......

My wife and I were sitting at a table at my high school reunion, and I

kept staring at a drunken lady swigging her drink as she sat alone at

a nearby table.



My wife asked, 'Do you know her?'



'Yes,' I sighed, 'She is my old girlfriend. I understand she took to drinking

right after we split up those many years ago, and I hear she

hasn't been sober since.'



'My God!' says my wife, ' who would think a person could go on

celebrating that long?'



And that's when the fight started.....