i just came out of a four year relationship. i have a son and i raise him on my own. how do you find some one when having a kid 24/7? What do you say? is it a turn off?

You need to connect with her as a man first then as a full time parent. There are going to be some that will not accept your lack of available couple time, but that is their choice. It is going to be as much of a hang up as you let it.

You need to secure some babysitting. Friends, family, church groups...


The Red Cross and YMCA teach babysitting classes. They can give you a list of graduates if they signed for such permission when the classes started.

A church is the worst place you can drop off your kid. always relatives over strangers. and worst of all: religious fanatic strangers

Silly... church bulletin boards are full of babysitting contact information.

Funny how some folks go into convulsions as soon as the word " church " is mentioned...lol

I know... and churchs were designed to be town centers. I mean, if you're not religious, don't go there and check out the bulletin boards. It was just an idea....

If you have a Holiday Inn hotel near you I heard on weekends kids stay free so why not drop him off there

Even if you aren't, you can still take advantage of some of the things found on the bulletin boards.

I am an Agnostic, but I'll still go to the church in the Summer to find out about yard sales and stuff like that.

I haven't been struck by lightning for doing it yet. lol

Dude, babies are chick magnets. Just be a nice honest respectable guy and you should'nt have too many problems. But really this internet dating on works for really desparate people. I'm single with no kids and I still can't find a decent chick online. So your best bet would probably be to find a girl like in a park or in walmart or somethin like that. And never be ashamed or afraid of rejection cause you have a kid. If a girl doesn't respect the fact that we all have a past that we can't change the F them. They are'nt worth it.

Hey sublime.... it's puppies that are chick magnets....

You're not the only one....!!

Here is an observation from someone that does not date men with children or who does not want children herself. Take this for what it's worth ...

First, don’t bring a lot of women around your child as you are dating them. If you become serious with someone then establish an association with your child. Your child is the most important element of your life, and a revolving door of women will only cause him or her to be confused.

Someone mentioned being a responsible man with someone you are dating before introducing them to your child. I can't agree more! Even the most amenable women toward children will need to know you are independent and accountable.

That being said, don’t have a chip on your shoulder that says, “I am not look for a ‘mom’ for my son/daughter.” I see that a lot of times on profiles and even if I were to date men with kids, it’s a turn off. That statement will not reassure someone that you are successful as a single parent.

To coincide with that idea, there are a lot of guys that try to debate my decision not to date men with kids. Their argument, again, is they don’t need a ‘mom’ for their kids. My immediate reply back is that I have zero interest in kids. I only date guys with whom I have the same goals. I don’t want to date and fall in love with someone that has a child when I won’t take any interest in that child or their activities. At some point, a stable relationship will have to face co-parenting issues if even in the smallest amount. For me, I don’t want to face the crossroads of “where do we go from here” if I am not willing to marry a man with children. I can’t set myself up for a painful break up.

There are a lot of concerns you will need to address as you enter the dating world. Whatever you do, don’t take them lightly. A child is cognizant of more than we grasp sometimes in witnessing the dynamics between adults. Don’t let your child learn the wrong way to deal with relationships.

Best of luck, and have fun dating *take your time*.

Thank you for posting this -- you've summed up a great deal of my own attitudes and feelings on this subject.

When I was much younger, I did get involved with several older divorced women who had kids. And I quickly learned that I had absolutely no interest in, nor aptitude for, being a parent, real or otherwise.

And it did seem to me that the women in question were not so much interested in a relationship as they were in having someone come in and "play Daddy."

I decided around age 22 that I would never be a parent and I would not get involved with anyone who had kids or wanted kids.

And, historically, I've had one gf after another who is initially fine with my non-breeder stance, or claims to be anyway, but who tries to change my position after a few months. That usually terminates the relationship.

People are constantly trying to tell me I'm wrong, I'm "missing out," because of my personal standards. All I can say is I've tried it, and it doesn't work for me. I have no interest in being hit on the head again with that particular piano.

It's nice to know that I'm not the only one who really understands the non-procreation option....

Oh my.... I want you two to meet. Can you mail one another, pretty please?

Thanks Lex!!

Everyone, forgive me while I vent a tad more

In reference to the 'missing out' subject ... this one slays me! My life is very full and I am not the kind of person to validate my life by having kids. There is so much more to life: travel, education, developing my indepedence, etc.

I think a lot of the pressures to have kids is based on religion (we must procreate), and parents wanting grandkids. I say, if they want grandkids so badly -- THEY CAN HAVE THEM!!

There are people that simply want to be parents, and I applaud that idea -- for them! We need good parents in this world.

The other statement that sort of riles me is, "My kid made me a better person" or "I want to be a better person because of my kid" or "My kid saved my life".

Why???? Why does that situation have to make someone a better person? Why can't people who are in that situation be a better person on their own? Why is there such weakness that some individuals can't develop themselves properly without breeding? I don't get it ... and quite frankly I don't have to get it ...

Sorry for the rant. This is my own tirade and has nothing to do with the original poster's question.

Lex, thank you for understanding me. I get a lot of 'hate' mail on this site from guys that want to burn me at the stake because of my stance on kids and dating.

I am not a bad person -- I'm a focused person!

Melody

I agree. Heck I am a devote atheist and still find nothing wrong with the idea of getting baby sitting info from churches.

I judge people on there actions, not there beliefs.

What about cute older dogs that are soo smart they can do your laundry?

Shouldn't be. I was a single parent for about 5 years. That never seemed to be a problem with women. Just let them know up front.

kinda