Community > 50 and over

Topic: Happy/Good News Segment
horsegirl55 Joined Fri 11/14/08 Posts: 5236	Thu 02/19/09 06:21 AM
AND THEN THE FIGHT STARTED.......... My wife and I were watching Who Wants To Be A Millionaire while we were in bed. I turned to her and said, "Do you want to have sex?" "No," she answered. I then said, "Is that your final answer?" She didn't even look at me this time, simply saying "Yes." So I said, "Then I'd like to phone a friend." And that's when the fight started.... _____ I asked my wife, "Where do you want to go for our anniversary?" It warmed my heart to see her face melt in sweet appreciation. "Somewhere I haven't been in a long time!" she said. So I suggested, "How about the kitchen?" And that's when the fight started.... _____ Saturday morning I got up early, quietly dressed, made my lunch, grabbed the dog, and slipped quietly into the garage. I hooked up the boat up to the truck, and proceeded to back out into a torrential downpour. The wind was blowing 50 mph, so I pulled back into the garage, turned on the radio, and discovered that the weather would be bad all day. I went back into the house, quietly undressed, and slipped back into bed. I cuddled up to my wife's back, now with a different anticipation, and whispered, 'The weather out there is terrible.' My loving wife of 10 years replied, 'Can you believe my stupid husband is out fishing in that?' And then the fight started ... _____ A man and a woman were asleep like two innocent babies. Suddenly, at 3 o'clock in the morning, a loud noise came from outside. The woman, bewildered, jumped up from the bed and yelled at the man 'Holy ****. That must be my husband!' So the man jumped out of the bed; scared and naked jumped out the window. He smashed himself on the ground, ran through a thorn bush and to his car as fast as he could go. A few minutes later he returned and went up to the bedroom and screamed at the woman, 'I AM your husband!' The woman yelled back, 'Yeah, then why were you running?' And then the fight started..... _____ I tried to talk my wife into buying a case of Miller Light for $14.95. Instead, she bought a jar of cold cream for $7.95. I told her the beer would make her look better at night than the cold cream. And then the fight started.... _____ A woman was standing nude, looking in the bedroom mirror. She was not happy with what she saw and said to her husband, 'I feel horrible; I look old, fat and ugly. I really need you to pay me a compliment.' The husband replies, 'Your eyesight's damn near perfect.' And then the fight started..... _____ I took my wife to a restaurant. The waiter, for some reason, took my order first. "I'll have the strip steak, medium rare, please." He said, "Aren't you worried about the mad cow?"" Nah, she can order for herself." And then the fight started.. _____ My wife and I were sitting at a table at my high school reunion, and I kept staring at a drunken lady swigging her drink as she sat alone at a nearby table. My wife asked, 'Do you know her?' 'Yes,' I sighed, 'She's my old girlfriend. I understand she took to drinking right after we split up those many years ago, and I hear she hasn't been sober since.' 'My God!' said my wife, 'who would think a person could go on celebrating that long?' And then the fight started... _____ After retiring, I went to the Social Security office to apply for Social Security. The woman behind the counter asked me for my driver's license to verify my age. I looked in my pockets and realized I had left my wallet at home. I told the woman that I was very sorry, but I would have to go home and come back later. The woman said, 'Unbutton your shirt.' So I opened my shirt revealing my curly silver hair. She said, 'That silver hair on your chest is proof enough for me' and she processed my Social Security application. When I got home, I excitedly told my wife about my experience at the Social Security office. She said, 'You should have dropped your pants. You might have gotten disability, too.' And then the fight started... _____ When I got home last night, my wife demanded that I take her someplace expensive... so, I took her to a gas station. And then the fight started... _____ My wife was hinting about what she wanted for our upcoming anniversary. She said, 'I want something shiny that goes from 0 to 150 in about 3 seconds.' I bought her a scale. And then the fight started... _____ My wife sat down on the couch next to me as I was flipping channels. She asked, 'What's on TV?' I said, 'Dust.' And then the fight started...

horsegirl55 Joined Fri 11/14/08 Posts: 5236	Thu 02/19/09 06:23 AM
Is It NBA Or NFL? 36 Have been accused of spousal abuse 7 Have been arrested for fraud 19 Have been accused of writing bad checks 117 Have directly or indirectly Bankrupted at least 2 businesses 3 Have done time for assault 71, Repeat ... 71, Cannot Get a credit card due to bad credit 14 Have been arrested on drug-related charges 8 Have been arrested for shoplifting 21 Currently Are defendants in lawsuits, and 84 Have been arrested for drunk driving In The last year Can You guess which organization this is? Give up yet? . . Scroll down, Neither, it's the 435 members of the United States Congress The Same group of Idiots that crank out Hundreds of new laws each year Designed to keep the rest of us in line.

BABCHI Joined Sat 10/06/07 Posts: 1015	Thu 02/19/09 06:39 AM
AND THEN THE FIGHT STARTED.......... My wife and I were watching Who Wants To Be A Millionaire while we were in bed. I turned to her and said, "Do you want to have sex?" "No," she answered. I then said, "Is that your final answer?" She didn't even look at me this time, simply saying "Yes." So I said, "Then I'd like to phone a friend." And that's when the fight started.... _____ I asked my wife, "Where do you want to go for our anniversary?" It warmed my heart to see her face melt in sweet appreciation. "Somewhere I haven't been in a long time!" she said. So I suggested, "How about the kitchen?" And that's when the fight started.... _____ Saturday morning I got up early, quietly dressed, made my lunch, grabbed the dog, and slipped quietly into the garage. I hooked up the boat up to the truck, and proceeded to back out into a torrential downpour. The wind was blowing 50 mph, so I pulled back into the garage, turned on the radio, and discovered that the weather would be bad all day. I went back into the house, quietly undressed, and slipped back into bed. I cuddled up to my wife's back, now with a different anticipation, and whispered, 'The weather out there is terrible.' My loving wife of 10 years replied, 'Can you believe my stupid husband is out fishing in that?' And then the fight started ... _____ A man and a woman were asleep like two innocent babies. Suddenly, at 3 o'clock in the morning, a loud noise came from outside. The woman, bewildered, jumped up from the bed and yelled at the man 'Holy ****. That must be my husband!' So the man jumped out of the bed; scared and naked jumped out the window. He smashed himself on the ground, ran through a thorn bush and to his car as fast as he could go. A few minutes later he returned and went up to the bedroom and screamed at the woman, 'I AM your husband!' The woman yelled back, 'Yeah, then why were you running?' And then the fight started..... _____ I tried to talk my wife into buying a case of Miller Light for $14.95. Instead, she bought a jar of cold cream for $7.95. I told her the beer would make her look better at night than the cold cream. And then the fight started.... _____ A woman was standing nude, looking in the bedroom mirror. She was not happy with what she saw and said to her husband, 'I feel horrible; I look old, fat and ugly. I really need you to pay me a compliment.' The husband replies, 'Your eyesight's damn near perfect.' And then the fight started..... _____ I took my wife to a restaurant. The waiter, for some reason, took my order first. "I'll have the strip steak, medium rare, please." He said, "Aren't you worried about the mad cow?"" Nah, she can order for herself." And then the fight started.. _____ My wife and I were sitting at a table at my high school reunion, and I kept staring at a drunken lady swigging her drink as she sat alone at a nearby table. My wife asked, 'Do you know her?' 'Yes,' I sighed, 'She's my old girlfriend. I understand she took to drinking right after we split up those many years ago, and I hear she hasn't been sober since.' 'My God!' said my wife, 'who would think a person could go on celebrating that long?' And then the fight started... _____ After retiring, I went to the Social Security office to apply for Social Security. The woman behind the counter asked me for my driver's license to verify my age. I looked in my pockets and realized I had left my wallet at home. I told the woman that I was very sorry, but I would have to go home and come back later. The woman said, 'Unbutton your shirt.' So I opened my shirt revealing my curly silver hair. She said, 'That silver hair on your chest is proof enough for me' and she processed my Social Security application. When I got home, I excitedly told my wife about my experience at the Social Security office. She said, 'You should have dropped your pants. You might have gotten disability, too.' And then the fight started... _____ When I got home last night, my wife demanded that I take her someplace expensive... so, I took her to a gas station. And then the fight started... _____ My wife was hinting about what she wanted for our upcoming anniversary. She said, 'I want something shiny that goes from 0 to 150 in about 3 seconds.' I bought her a scale. And then the fight started... _____ My wife sat down on the couch next to me as I was flipping channels. She asked, 'What's on TV?' I said, 'Dust.' And then the fight started... Love these no matter how many times I read it. Thank you for my morning laugh

choclablover Joined Wed 11/12/08 Posts: 2442	Fri 02/20/09 08:12 AM
In th spirit of good news/ happy news Fuel oil is down to $1.68/gallon WOO HOO! I know it won't last however last year this time was over $4.00/gal. The games being played!

july7553 Joined Fri 11/21/08 Posts: 1461	Fri 02/20/09 10:43 AM
In th spirit of good news/ happy news Fuel oil is down to $1.68/gallon WOO HOO! I know it won't last however last year this time was over $4.00/gal. The games being played! That is good news!! I noticed today on the way to PT that gasoline prices are declining again, around here it had gotten up to >$1.80 but is creeping back down to $1.69. Other good news from Nashville is that the sun has shone brightly here for the 3rd day in a row, which definitely helps my mood!! Hope everyone is having a good day!

invisible Joined Mon 04/09/07 Posts: 7692	Fri 02/20/09 11:16 AM Edited by invisible on Fri 02/20/09 11:16 AM
The good news here? It's weekend

choclablover Joined Wed 11/12/08 Posts: 2442	Fri 02/20/09 11:58 AM
The good news here? It's weekend Just there? Can I have a weekend too! Oh wait, everyday is the weekend What was I thinking!

invisible Joined Mon 04/09/07 Posts: 7692	Fri 02/20/09 12:01 PM
The good news here? It's weekend Just there? Can I have a weekend too! Oh wait, everyday is the weekend What was I thinking! Perhaps you deserve a weekend away from the never ending weekend.

choclablover Joined Wed 11/12/08 Posts: 2442	Fri 02/20/09 12:14 PM
Work?

invisible Joined Mon 04/09/07 Posts: 7692	Fri 02/20/09 12:16 PM
Whatever floats your boat.

choclablover Joined Wed 11/12/08 Posts: 2442	Fri 02/20/09 12:19 PM
Whatever floats your boat. Did to much cleaning today, not much is gonna float my boat. Still cold and wet today? You have been kind of scarce of late.

oldsage Joined Thu 09/14/06 Posts: 18043	Fri 02/20/09 12:22 PM
Whatever floats your boat. About 4' of water

invisible Joined Mon 04/09/07 Posts: 7692	Fri 02/20/09 12:34 PM
Whatever floats your boat. About 4' of water Will snow do the trick?

choclablover Joined Wed 11/12/08 Posts: 2442	Fri 02/20/09 12:55 PM Edited by choclablover on Fri 02/20/09 12:55 PM
4" of water = up to 20" of snow

invisible Joined Mon 04/09/07 Posts: 7692	Fri 02/20/09 01:01 PM
You need glasses Sage wasn't talking inches, he was talking feet.

choclablover Joined Wed 11/12/08 Posts: 2442	Fri 02/20/09 01:07 PM Edited by choclablover on Fri 02/20/09 01:11 PM
You need glasses Sage wasn't talking inches, he was talking feet. Yes, I may need glasses, however 1" of water can equal easily up to 5-6" of snow. And can be as high as 10+" per inch of water if temp is very cold!

invisible Joined Mon 04/09/07 Posts: 7692	Fri 02/20/09 01:34 PM
You need glasses Sage wasn't talking inches, he was talking feet. Yes, I may need glasses, however 1" of water can equal easily up to 5-6" of snow. And can be as high as 10+" per inch of water if temp is very cold! Does that now mean you want 20 feet of snow instead of 4 feet of water?

choclablover Joined Wed 11/12/08 Posts: 2442	Fri 02/20/09 01:35 PM
You need glasses Sage wasn't talking inches, he was talking feet. Yes, I may need glasses, however 1" of water can equal easily up to 5-6" of snow. And can be as high as 10+" per inch of water if temp is very cold! Does that now mean you want 20 feet of snow instead of 4 feet of water?

choclablover Joined Wed 11/12/08 Posts: 2442	Fri 02/20/09 01:37 PM
bring it on, 4 feet of water would be devastating, 20 feet of snow would be a bit above normal, would cause some problems, but hey thats what snow blowers, plows, and your shovel are for!

invisible Joined Mon 04/09/07 Posts: 7692	Fri 02/20/09 01:38 PM
You need glasses Sage wasn't talking inches, he was talking feet. Yes, I may need glasses, however 1" of water can equal easily up to 5-6" of snow. And can be as high as 10+" per inch of water if temp is very cold! Does that now mean you want 20 feet of snow instead of 4 feet of water? You were saying?