or im not cut out for some of this dating and relationship nonsense. the woman i am seeing is sick today she told me she was angry because i didn't offer to bring or do anything for her. i did apologize because I realize I may have been a bit insensitive but she has a cold. She freaked out over a cold and I don't understand how she wouldn't get mad that I had her waiting outside once in the cold for 20 min but got mad that I didn't ask her if she needed anything.... I'm sure I sound like a dirt bag but if you have a cold or flu what can someone do for you? Did she want me to offer just for the sake of offering when there is nothing ( except maybe the chicken soup deal) I can do.

True there's nothing you can do to make her feel better, but hum i think the thought counts...

Hi

This is very recent for me!

I am lingering with strep throat.

On a smaller scale -- because I don't freak out over anything -- I did have two experiences from two different guys while I was sick.

Guy 1 - didn't ask how I was or offer any empathy.

Guy 2 - asked a couple of times during the day if I was OK or needed anything. He looked up info on the net to offer suggestions. He lives too far away to actually come over, but his gestures were monumental!

As I said, I didn't freak out or even say anything to Guy 1 but guess which 'guy' got booted from my cell phone?

Not everyone is the same, and people react differently. Women tend to gravitate towards 'the effort'.

Melody

i know...i know...BUT my prob is that its not on my mind hen im sick that 'she didnt offer to do anything for me and im not the type to offer/ask things that i cant or wont do just as a courtesy. tats like someone who offer to pay the check but has no desire/intention to do so. if there was something i could have done i wouldn't hesitate.....but..

Maybe she was just miserable and took it out on you.

I would consider it to be nice if the man asked how I was doing.

I wouldn't want him to come over and catch what I had.

Not good - her having to wait outside in the cold for 20 minutes. That's alot to ask of someone in my opinion.

good points.... she has some sort of fear, what ive been taught is if someone is fearful don't feed the fear. it was either the cold or flu so i told her to load up on clothes, get into bed and let the increase of her body heat burn off the worst of the illness.. in your ace strep can be real bad i had it so bad once i couldn't swallow but a cold? the flu?i know that i being a bit insensitive but will someone cosign that this illness was blown out of proportion? so which is worse waiting in the cold for 20 min or not asking to do anything for her cold?

Welllll *lingering* if you were sick and she didn't offer to help or at least check up on your well-being then maybe she is too self invovled? If she wants the effort directed at her but doesn't put forth the effort for you .... *red flag*

Mutual consideration is key (period).

I wish you the best.

Melody

I KNOW i felt terrible and have worked hard to never allow that to happen again but she brushed it off.... but in this case she made a point of bringing it up and expressing her " upset" feelings As for checking in< ive been checking in on her health several times a day since she told me she was ill

I'd be soooo not happy about that waiting in the cold issue.

I don't expect anybody to do anything for my cold. The cold has to run it's course.

It would make me feel extra special, though, if someone asked if I needed anything from the store.

Does she seem needy?

if i were sick sh would offer to help in any way she could. she would probably show up at my residence if she could to try to nurse me back to health BUT i would never allow that because that is foolish over a cold and id never want her around me because id hate fer her to get sick. She is the type that asks how work is not necessarily because she wants to know how work is but because she feels that it is important to ask. Im the type to ask about work because there is a major event or your mood seems as if something happened at work. usually though people will bring up work on their own if things were rough

I always offer to bring them soup, cough drops, gatorade or whatever they might need, tissues, etc... If I know them well enough I just bring it to them without asking. It is just a matter of the thought and the empathy for how bad they are feeling. It really has nothing to do with the fact you cannot change the illness. Hope that helps.

what characteristics would put her in the needy field??

If you don't know, then you're not seeing it.

Dragoness is nice.

You dont have to feel obligated to bring her anything.....in fact if someone b*tched me out for not offering to bring them something while sick I would be outta there.

As you're doing whatever it takes to make her more comfortable, think about all of the things she's done for you, and if that doesn't make you feel grateful to have her, well, something's broken.

I don't think it's so much about offering to do stuff, and looking online for remedies .. a bit over the top for sure.

Just ask, when you talk each time, how they are feeling .. ie any better? yada yada .. and what they are doing for it. That is plenty of concern and care.

that's what i did but apparently that wasn't enough... its hard because i keep thinking how i would respond if the situations were reversed. it wouldn't register or bother me if she never asked how i was doing, or if she never tole me to feel better.... I know its the nice thing to do and in normal situations i might not have even asked so often how she was feeling but i know that she freaks out over illnesses and made a point of checking in.... apparently that was not enough...... im glad that i posted this because i realize that it was insensitive BUT i also realize that its not all me

Relationships end because of uncommunicated expectations and resentments that build.

Women get labeled "Psycho" because they have these uncommunicated expectations and then they get mad when they are not met.

This woman is the type who will say, "You know what you did" when she gets mad and expects you to read her mind.

Ok, my guess is she's really into you and thinking you're not that into her.

I'm going to guess that she goes out of her way to be demonstrative in her feelings for you. Am I right?

Because only a girl who reallllly likes you will wait in the cold for 20 minutes.

And she's probably feeling sick, miserable, and sorry for herself and yes has exepectations that clearly were not communicated to you.

Personally, I think the occasional check in and wishing well is adequate... But its nice to know that someone cares enough to go that little bit extra. Its nice.. its just not necessary, imo...

Dont write off the relationship based on one instance though. If she did that, you'd never have gone past that one cold night...