okay I really need some help here and I feel lost at what I am suppose to do or should be doing and I hate to "should" on myself but this is very confusing I have been married for 2 years and we have been together for 5 anyhow out of that it has been both physically and emotionally abusive, 5 months ago I left him from time to time I speak to him and I feel guilty when he talks about the hardships he is going thru becuz I always feel like as his wife I am somehow suppose to take care of him he keeps asking when I can meet him to talk and have lunch but I have made up all kinds of excuses not to show up I now have male friends that are platonic relationships something I could never do before and I don't want to date anyone until I am divorced becuz I am trying to mentally heal, we sometimes argue on the fone and I find myself going feeling really down I wake up at nite at 3 am its hard to sleep with my brain being erratic and I think of my future all the time praying for peace of mind and happiness. What I did learn is happiness comes from within and its at that moment to exp., to feel it. Thank you for letting me get this off my chest.

you left for a reason ..that reason hasn't gone away ... stick with your healing and move on... you are at least brave enough and smart enough to realize you needed to be out of that relationship.. don't look back at all.. no calls no lunches.. nothing I am sure you have friends and family that can give you support.. jmo

Take time for yourself and heal. Don't feel guilty about it and take care of yourself first. Get support from friends and family. best wishes

Hi faithfulangel ... sorry to hear what you are going thru ... years ago I was in a physically and emotionally abusive relationship ... wouldn't leave him cause he threatened to kill my mom. To make a long story short, I ended up pregnant, due to stress, delivered premature (14 weeks early)... I went to work everyday then to the hospital to see my girl ... came home one nite, he was mad cause I didn't make dinner, said to me I hope she (our daughter) dies tonite .... that was the turning point for me. Went to work the next day and never went home. Unfortunately my lil girl didn't make it, but I did have her for 2 months and she woke me up to realize I didn't need to live like that, there are better people out there who would treat me how I deserved to be treated.
Don't feel guilty cause you are his wife, you have to think of yourself and take care of yourself first and foremost. I wish you the best of luck.

Sounds like you are doing the right things. But, I wouldn't take the calls or meet him. As for waking up at 3 AM, it will pass.

U r going thru a phase in ur life. Take the time needed. Go slowly and, pay heed to what you take away from this. The most important thing that you can do 4 yourself, is........be gentle , with you.

Ive been there and unless you have kids the best way is to cut off contact

Forgive yourself and Let it go. Breathe deep. Sounds way to simple...but it's a very hard thing to do. Trust me, I know.

It didn't sound like you needed advice. You just need our sex to go into the nothing box while you vent. You're on the right path with no relationships now, and on the right path with your abusive husband. Be safe and heal.

Don't let him hang any guilt trips on you. That is a manipulation tactic.

I was married to a master manipulator. I know all the tricks and pitfalls.

Avoid him like poison because that is what he is to your soul.

It is the energy of Death-Marriage. Print this picture. Avoid the Death Marriage trap. The vampire still has a hold on you, and will suck the life out of you if you allow it. Break all emotional ties. This is imperative.





The Death Marriage:

In the above picture, the death card shows a vampire man, and a “dead” woman getting married. He has already sucked the life’s breath out of her soul, or he plans to, so she is represented by a skull.

That is her future and her energy.

Run from this trap. He will eat your soul.

ok i was dating this guy for 5 yrs we now have 3 kids 2gether. we broke up he started dating a new girl and he was still sleeping with me. when we do talk he still tells me he loves me he tells me that we will be 2gether again just not right now. his new girl told him he cant talk to me or his kids again. WHAT DO I DO?

start a new thread?

You KNOW what you should do.
I wish you the best

What's the problem? Wait, you feel guilty because of his hardships? Okay, here, let's examine this: Hardships are created by one person and one person alone, anyone that tells you that two people creat hardships are bsing...my hardships are created by me, and therefore logically I will face them by myself. Some people say when your in a relationship both parties create the hardships, a hardship only becomes a hardship when someone makes it so.

Okay, easier way to look at it...go back to the abuse out of feeling "bad", or stick to what works.

I'm starting to feel like a toilet with all this dumping on me. Original poster....you have not healed yet. You are in AA. Hello? Didn't they explain to you that you should not get into a relationship for at least a year after AA? That is so there are no co-dependency problems. In other words- trading your alcohol dependency for the dependency on another human being- your husband. Now if your husband is an alcoholic also and hasn't treated himself- tell him to f*ck off and that you are trying to heal. Sounds like he has some dependency issues also. Best of luck. And poster problem #2? Easy. Don't deal with the c*nt. Only talk to your children or your ex. Ignore the threats and insinuations. Do not instigate more trouble than you already have. Again best of luck.

In both cases there was a little thing bothering you in the back of the mind. That's not pizza. That's common sense. You didn't need to vent to strangers. You already knew what was the proper course of action to take. You just needed support. Mamma didn't raise no fool. You know the difference between right and wrong. Do the right thing. Don't hide your intentions behind a veil in hopes that the full story won't be told. Because there are 3 sides to every story. His side, her side, and the police report. And I tend to believe the police report.

Wow you are a hot mess and I love it............I have to say the way you word things its crystal clear and blunt...........and some people are in need of a blunt object at times to wake the fukc up...............

...thank you for the flower and flower to you. In both of these cases there was much more to these stories that was left out as to not incriminate the posters in the situations. I would not be so foreward if there had been total honesty in their intent. I can't be true to reasoning and give real response to anyone who is dishonest in the first place and hides the truth. First red flag? Married women snooping on a dating site. Second red flag? Not telling the full truth in the situations. Third red flag? Solicitation for sympathy for common sense mistakes. Three strikes- you're out. End of the inning. Sorry. Just my opinion.

O P If you are going to AA you have bigger problems than worrying about some abusive Ex. He lost his rights to marital priveleges when he laid the first hand on you. Leave that no count alone and focus on your sobriety and being a decent parent. That doesn't mean just when they are home. Parenting is a lifetime gig 24/7. That is enough to keep up with; forget the plutonic friends baloney; don't buy it.

Julz you tell the creep to get lost and take care of yourself and your kids. If he has anything for his kids let him give it too the courts. If he is letting some Bimbo tell him he can't do for his kids he sure as heck isn't going to do anything for you.

I have no sympathy for people crying about someone getting them upset on a phone. Turn the stupid thing off. Change your number. Ignore it as soon as you know it is a jerk. Put a block on them. Get a restraining order or file a compalint with the phone company. If it isn't important enough to tell you face to face they are just entertaining themselves yanking your chain and YOU are letting them do it. Talk about stuck on stupid!