Community > General Discussion

Topic: Respect - A Forgotten Virtue
LadyHawkeByDay Joined Sat 12/01/07 Posts: 54	Mon 01/19/09 08:13 AM
Agreed, and I want to add one more dimension of respect, if you don't mind. This seems the appropriate place to add this comment. Looking back over the past, I can honestly say that whenever a relationship was in the process of ending, a breakdown of respect was a huge component of bringing the tension that had been bubbling under the surface to a blister. If you don't respect the integrity of the other person, you can never get beyond even the surface, stylistic differences, never mind philosophical differences or differences in core values. I can't date guys who are not an intellectual match for this reason; either I eventually lose respect for them because I am continually frustrated by the dumb things they do, or they become frustrated with me because they can't meet me on my level. It inevitably turns into a challenge: the dumb guy / crazy girl dichotomy, which I would hope we all know by now, is usually just a false dilemma. Being a fairly highly educated woman is no easy thing these days. It's easy to date if all you want in life are presents and the occasional compliment. If all you care about is physical attraction and you're satisfied with that alone, then sure, it's going to be pretty easy for a month or so at a time. But if you're smart enough to recognize that isn't really enough to support an enduring relationship, then this kind of front-loaded approach to dating takes a lot of work in the initial stages. It's easier to assume, to walk away, than it is to really get to know someone else. The challenges, the difficulties-- those are the moments in any relationship that really answer questions of integrity and illuminate who a person is; but hey, who wants to stick around to get answers when you can just jump to the next person in line and start the cycle all over again? It just wouldn't happen this way in the real world. It's just not the same as getting to know someone you met through a mutual friend-- because at least in that situation there is some underlying baseline of common values-- the friend. The whole thing just seems to be so contrived, shallow, and artificial. Unless two people are truly committed to acknowledging and tackling the challenges imposed upon a relationship by the situation-- by the mechanism-- then really and truly this does not work. Inherent in the operational nature of online dating are serious obstacles that can and will interfere with the establishment of respect if you fail to recognize them, or, if you let them go unaddressed.

Rapunzel Joined Tue 08/22/06 Posts: 16246	Mon 01/19/09 11:41 AM
With every day that goes by, it seems the idea of respect in our country, communities, and online exchanges is dwindling to a lost art form. ~ Respect for ideas that are different. ~ Respect for people who are different. ~ Respect to EVERYONE in public discourse. ~ Respect without judgement for those who are down on their luck. ~ Respect for our elders. ~ Respect for the ill and infirm, no matter how they got to that point. ~ Respect for life in all forms. ~ A healthy respect for our enemies. ~ Respect and regard for our bodies, keeping them clean and wholesome as well as healthy. And keeping access to them a private thing, in person, with only someone we love. ~ Respect for our own privacy...why are we sharing every detail of our personal lives with the world at large, instead of with treasured people in real time and in person? ~ Respect for thoughtful, intelligent commentary instead of media sensationalized sound bites. ~ Respect for the wisdom of experience. ~ Respect for people of all beliefs or no particular belief system. ~ Respect shown in the form of common manners and keeping foul language in the locker room. ~ Respect shown by turning your cell phone off every once in a while and noticing the people around and across the table from you....and talking quietly when you DO have to be on it. ~ Respect for the office of President of the United States, no matter the occupant. Much of the tension in our country could be solved by just saying "YES" to respect! Wow...isn't that the truth Respect is absolutely everything and the lack of it causes sooooooooo many problems thank you so much for posting this it was very gracious of you <<< Sister >>> Keep your torch held high & burning bright for you are not alone in your noble plight

Rapunzel Joined Tue 08/22/06 Posts: 16246	Mon 01/19/09 11:46 AM
With every day that goes by, it seems the idea of respect in our country, communities, and online exchanges is dwindling to a lost art form. ~ Respect for ideas that are different. ~ Respect for people who are different. ~ Respect to EVERYONE in public discourse. ~ Respect without judgement for those who are down on their luck. ~ Respect for our elders. ~ Respect for the ill and infirm, no matter how they got to that point. ~ Respect for life in all forms. ~ A healthy respect for our enemies. ~ Respect and regard for our bodies, keeping them clean and wholesome as well as healthy. And keeping access to them a private thing, in person, with only someone we love. ~ Respect for our own privacy...why are we sharing every detail of our personal lives with the world at large, instead of with treasured people in real time and in person? ~ Respect for thoughtful, intelligent commentary instead of media sensationalized sound bites. ~ Respect for the wisdom of experience. ~ Respect for people of all beliefs or no particular belief system. ~ Respect shown in the form of common manners and keeping foul language in the locker room. ~ Respect shown by turning your cell phone off every once in a while and noticing the people around and across the table from you....and talking quietly when you DO have to be on it. ~ Respect for the office of President of the United States, no matter the occupant. Much of the tension in our country could be solved by just saying "YES" to respect! I agree oooooohhhh.. that froggie with his hat is soooooooo adorable.... Lee.... Oooooohhhhhhhh

Rapunzel Joined Tue 08/22/06 Posts: 16246	Mon 01/19/09 11:50 AM
Agreed, and I want to add one more dimension of respect, if you don't mind. This seems the appropriate place to add this comment. Looking back over the past, I can honestly say that whenever a relationship was in the process of ending, a breakdown of respect was a huge component of bringing the tension that had been bubbling under the surface to a blister. If you don't respect the integrity of the other person, you can never get beyond even the surface, stylistic differences, never mind philosophical differences or differences in core values. I can't date guys who are not an intellectual match for this reason; either I eventually lose respect for them because I am continually frustrated by the dumb things they do, or they become frustrated with me because they can't meet me on my level. It inevitably turns into a challenge: the dumb guy / crazy girl dichotomy, which I would hope we all know by now, is usually just a false dilemma. Being a fairly highly educated woman is no easy thing these days. It's easy to date if all you want in life are presents and the occasional compliment. If all you care about is physical attraction and you're satisfied with that alone, then sure, it's going to be pretty easy for a month or so at a time. But if you're smart enough to recognize that isn't really enough to support an enduring relationship, then this kind of front-loaded approach to dating takes a lot of work in the initial stages. It's easier to assume, to walk away, than it is to really get to know someone else. The challenges, the difficulties-- those are the moments in any relationship that really answer questions of integrity and illuminate who a person is; but hey, who wants to stick around to get answers when you can just jump to the next person in line and start the cycle all over again? It just wouldn't happen this way in the real world. It's just not the same as getting to know someone you met through a mutual friend-- because at least in that situation there is some underlying baseline of common values-- the friend. The whole thing just seems to be so contrived, shallow, and artificial. Unless two people are truly committed to acknowledging and tackling the challenges imposed upon a relationship by the situation-- by the mechanism-- then really and truly this does not work. Inherent in the operational nature of online dating are serious obstacles that can and will interfere with the establishment of respect if you fail to recognize them, or, if you let them go unaddressed. Very very good ...Excellent you are one smart & wise Lady & btw... a very hearty welcome to the Forums

deepheartwaiting Joined Mon 12/29/08 Posts: 630	Mon 01/19/09 12:56 PM
Agreed, and I want to add one more dimension of respect, if you don't mind. This seems the appropriate place to add this comment. Looking back over the past, I can honestly say that whenever a relationship was in the process of ending, a breakdown of respect was a huge component of bringing the tension that had been bubbling under the surface to a blister. If you don't respect the integrity of the other person, you can never get beyond even the surface, stylistic differences, never mind philosophical differences or differences in core values. I can't date guys who are not an intellectual match for this reason; either I eventually lose respect for them because I am continually frustrated by the dumb things they do, or they become frustrated with me because they can't meet me on my level. It inevitably turns into a challenge: the dumb guy / crazy girl dichotomy, which I would hope we all know by now, is usually just a false dilemma. Being a fairly highly educated woman is no easy thing these days. It's easy to date if all you want in life are presents and the occasional compliment. If all you care about is physical attraction and you're satisfied with that alone, then sure, it's going to be pretty easy for a month or so at a time. But if you're smart enough to recognize that isn't really enough to support an enduring relationship, then this kind of front-loaded approach to dating takes a lot of work in the initial stages. It's easier to assume, to walk away, than it is to really get to know someone else. The challenges, the difficulties-- those are the moments in any relationship that really answer questions of integrity and illuminate who a person is; but hey, who wants to stick around to get answers when you can just jump to the next person in line and start the cycle all over again? It just wouldn't happen this way in the real world. It's just not the same as getting to know someone you met through a mutual friend-- because at least in that situation there is some underlying baseline of common values-- the friend. The whole thing just seems to be so contrived, shallow, and artificial. Unless two people are truly committed to acknowledging and tackling the challenges imposed upon a relationship by the situation-- by the mechanism-- then really and truly this does not work. Inherent in the operational nature of online dating are serious obstacles that can and will interfere with the establishment of respect if you fail to recognize them, or, if you let them go unaddressed. Very very good ...Excellent you are one smart & wise Lady & btw... a very hearty welcome to the Forums all very true!! :o)

Rapunzel Joined Tue 08/22/06 Posts: 16246	Tue 01/20/09 08:06 PM Edited by Rapunzel on Tue 01/20/09 08:07 PM
With every day that goes by, it seems the idea of respect in our country, communities, and online exchanges is dwindling to a lost art form. ~ Respect for ideas that are different. ~ Respect for people who are different. ~ Respect to EVERYONE in public discourse. ~ Respect without judgement for those who are down on their luck. ~ Respect for our elders. ~ Respect for the ill and infirm, no matter how they got to that point. ~ Respect for life in all forms. ~ A healthy respect for our enemies. ~ Respect and regard for our bodies, keeping them clean and wholesome as well as healthy. And keeping access to them a private thing, in person, with only someone we love. ~ Respect for our own privacy...why are we sharing every detail of our personal lives with the world at large, instead of with treasured people in real time and in person? ~ Respect for thoughtful, intelligent commentary instead of media sensationalized sound bites. ~ Respect for the wisdom of experience. ~ Respect for people of all beliefs or no particular belief system. ~ Respect shown in the form of common manners and keeping foul language in the locker room. ~ Respect shown by turning your cell phone off every once in a while and noticing the people around and across the table from you....and talking quietly when you DO have to be on it. ~ Respect for the office of President of the United States, no matter the occupant. Much of the tension in our country could be solved by just saying "YES" to respect! this message is just too important to let it go to the archives so soon...