awwwww

sweetie...(wifey...LMAO)

I already told you what my thoughts on this are...



it's gonna be ok...

Lex hit the nail on the head. Feelings aren't completely gone when
couples break up.It's possible that you may have feelings for this guy
for years to come. There's nothing wrong with maintaining a friendship
once you have tip toed through the minefield but he was clearly using
his son to manipulate the situation. Sadly, it is his son that I feel
sorry for. If it works this time, he will do it again in this or another
relationship. No matter what happens, you should tell him that his
behavior is unacceptable.

Why would you miss someone that only wants to manipulate you and use
your son to hurt you?????


I think you should ask yourself that question...Is it him you miss or is
it the person that you wish he was?????????

I think it's possible he jdidn't know how to handle his son crying for
you and you are both confused a a lot of pain and reacting instead of
communicating. Give yourself time to think it through and listen to yout
and head. best wishes to you song....

Suong, something I learned while we were getting help.
Your hurt & say he is hurt.

Write a letter to him.
Stay in I terms, talk only how you feel & why.
Write it all out.
NOW read it 3 times
1. for the eyes
2. for the mind
3. for the heart

If/when you make a change/rewrite, Start the reading process all over.
Only deliver the letter, AFTER you can read it in that manner & make no
changes.

Remember, EYES MIND HEART

Let all 3 lead your life.

It's hard to give advice when you don't know the details of your
situation with the guy, maybe his intentions were good,maybe not, but if
he was using his son just to hurt you then he is a very cruel person and
nobody needs that in their life! move on

Song,

i've been there. i know you're in pain, and i think he is in pain too.
pain makes us lash out tho, please keep that in mind.

from what your post said, i picture you at work, and here he comes for a
cup of coffee, with the litle one. he remembers how the little one was
cryin for you. he tells you. i don't think he was tryin to hurt you by
telling you. i think he was just letting you know, times are hard on
him, you and the little one. yes that made you hurt more, you held the
little one, to comfort yourself AND the little one. he said what he
did. i think only lookin out for the little one, he hurt you again, but
in the end, i think he's looking out for his little one.

my questions to you, is are you capable of seeing his point? are you
able to not hurt long enough to understand what he was telling you? can
you see yourself with this guy in 10 yrs, having been with him all 10 of
those years??

if you step away from the pain and understand that this little one,
won't remember you in 5 yrs, then you can see that you will hurt for a
while longer, cuz you'll see that what you had with this guy, isn't what
you're really looking for, cuz you've been manipulated. if you get back
with him, and you still don't see his point, then you'll be letting him
know he can manipulate you over and over again. that's not healthy for
the little one, or you.

"Song, you have to weigh your missing them against the extremely likely
possibility of continuing to be hurt for as long as you deal with the
guy. He has already shown himself to be a ruthless manipulator,
striking at you where you are the most vulnerable --

Not the best foundation to build a realtionship on. A person that
calculating, and so willing to hurt you for no good reason, is
dangerous. I can pretty much guarantee that if you go back to that
situation, you will be right back where you are right now within a
relatively short time. There's a cycle here, and you can either let it
roll over you, or you can put a stop to it.

Not saying it's easy, but it would be better to get out now than to try
to do it 5 or 10 years from now, when you will be much more firmly
embedded into the whole scenario....and will have endured a huge amount
of hurt in the interim...."


hit it on the nose form how it sounds, and i wuold suggest one other
thing also. well two...

1. Get some counseling for yourself; either your church leader, or a
therapist, someone who can help guide you through these feelings and see
the truth and what you should do.

2. If the guy really is just trying to hurt you and using his son to do
so, I would contact a social worker (cps) and talk to them about it. i
dont know if there is anythign they can do about it at this point, but
it is definitely emotionally abusive if he is using the child to get to
you. MAybe he is not doing it intentionally but he is stil ldoing it.
Know what I mean?

We all love you in here hun, and hope only for the best for you. write
or email any time and we, your friends, will be there.

BTW, my ex tried similar tactics with me; still does in fact after two
years of seperation/divorce. Dont let him control you hun no matter
what.