A husband walks into Victoria's Secret to purchase a sheer negligee for his wife. He is shown several possibilities that range from $250 to $500 in price...the more the sheer, the higher the price. Naturally, he opts for the most sheer item, pays the $500 for it and takes it home.

He presents it to his wife, and asks her to go upstairs, put it on and model it for him.

Upstairs, the wife thinks (she's no dummy)!! 'I have an idea, it's so sheer that it might as well be nothing. I won't put it on, but I'll do the modeling naked, return it tomorrow and keep the $500 refund for myself.'

She appears naked on the balcony and strikes a pose.

The husband says, "Good grief!! You'd think for $500 they'd at least iron it"!

He never heard the shot.

Funeral on Friday at noon.

Closed coffin.

HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA H AH AH AH AH AHA HA HA HAH AHAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHA.....

Now I take a breath...

now thats funny

It took me a minute! But I got it!

Sherlock Holmes and Dr Watson go on a camping trip. After a good dinner and a bottle of wine, they retire for the night, and go to sleep.
Some hours later, Holmes wakes up and nudges his faithful friend. "Watson, look up at the sky and tell me what you see."
"I see millions and millions of stars, Holmes" replies Watson.
"And what do you deduce from that?"
Watson ponders for a minute.
"Well, astronomically, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets. Astrologically, I observe that Saturn is in Leo. Horologically, I deduce that the time is approximately a quarter past three. Meteorologically, I suspect that we will have a beautiful day tomorrow. Theologically, I can see that God is all powerful, and that we are a small and insignificant part of the universe. What does it tell you, Holmes?"
Holmes is silent for a moment. "Watson, you idiot!" he says. "Someone has stolen our tent!"