JUST TELLING YOU NOW THAT I'M VENTING NOT COMPLAINING. STOP READING IF YOU DON'T WANNA HEAR MY SOB STORY.

why can't i just be happy with who i am? why can't i just be comfortable in my own body? i want to fit in, i want to be normal, why don't i deserve that? i feel that i'm a good person and all so why can't i get the everyday assurance that i MAY look nice, or that some cute guy MIGHT notice me? this body isn't who i am and isn't who i want to be forever. why can't i have the one thing that could make me happy? is it really that much to ask? i know life is hard, don't get me wrong, but it shouldn't be miserable. i shouldn't go through life thinking that people are making fun of me because of the way i look or that the guy i like is never gonna notice me because i don't have the right bodytype. its not fair, i know life's not fair so don't give me crap on that. i just don't understand why i have to be like this. i'm not healthy anymore, i have hypertension because of the way i am. i have knee problems because of the way i am. i'm going to die at a younger age because of the way i am. so why can't i have this one thing to put my life on track? i don't know and i can't answer that. no matter how hard i try i seem to stay at the same size, dieting hasn't helped nor exercising. i'm tired of being so self concious and shy because of this. it's causing me to be mopey and *****y all the time to the people i love and hurting them. i don't want to do that anymore. i don't want to be depressed when eeryone else is so happy and joyful. i want to feel that way too. i don't want to pretend anymore. no material thing in the world can TRULY make me as happy as i could be if i didn't have this problem. i can't put on a fake smile and pretend everything's okay for the rest of my life, i'll end up in some sort of spiraling depression or something. i hate that i feel this way it's such a dumb reason to be upset. i can't do this to myself anymore, i know that. and i can't be a total ***** to my family and friends either. it's not fair to them when they didn't do anything wrong. it makes them feel like they ****ed up when in reality it was me.

Go to your local library and check out this book.

The prophet-Kahlil Gibran


It really is a book to make you feel good.

amen, nothing wrong with telling what life and you are, i wish i knew some sort of answer but i am not gonna bs with you, i dont know

Have you ever given thought to actually seeing a counselor??

Looking at that post, it would seem that your self esteem is pretty much nil.

I have been there as well.

The thing is, you are not going to find what you so desperately want until you can be happy with yourself.

Instead of fighting who you are, EMBRACE it.

I offer my remedy. A hug and a friend to be with ....and a shoulder to cry on.

BTW, it isn't a long read at all.

no, I have been to counseling and it helped but its just my past sneaking up on me and i'm thinking to much of what could of been. But I chose the wrong path and did drugs, drank myself to death (almost) and disregarded everyone elses' feelings but my own.

I'm a lot better now then I use to be, its just me thinking a little to much.

sounds like something that would be good for me too

It's a GREAT book. It definatly helps me when i feel certain ways.

Then the best thing I can tell you is that when you start thinking about " what could have been " you need to realize that you are never going to get that time back.

The trick is to remember that when the past starts " sneaking up on you " and turn it around into think, not of what could have been, but what is still to come.

You know the mistakes you made hurt people. You now know how NOT to make those same mistakes again.

awwwww my high school English

teacher gave that to me as a graduation present

very profound and poignant

You fall back on "the way I am" a lot, as if it's the name of some fatal malady. I think you need to start by forgiving yourself first.

... I always feel better after my beer...

yeah alcohol may fix whatever problem you've got going on, but once the high is done, the problem is always going to be there.

Well said.

thanks so much, yeah I know from expierence. Thats one reason why I cut back A WHOLE LOT from that.

99% of the time. I just roll on. Haven't had a problem or mistake that isn't fixed in time.

Kudos.

If you want to talk...Drop me a line anytime. I always respond as soon as I can Lfer.

its laura, and thanks.