A man went to his doctor to find out why he had been having such severe headaches. The doctor ran some tests and after a few hours called the man into his office. "I have terrible news," he told the patient. "Your condition is terminal." "Oh no!" the man wailed. "How long do I have?" "Ten ..." began the doctor. "Ten what?" the patient interrupted. "Days? Months? Years?" "Nine," said the doctor, "eight, seven, six, ..."


DOCTOR: Well, Mr Jones, I can't find anything wrong with you. It must be the drink.
MR JONES: Okay, Doctor, I'll come back in the morning when you're sober.

'Doctor, :doctor, I think I must be invisible. Everyone ignores me.'
'Next, please.'


DOCTOR" The pain in your right leg is caused by old age.
OLD MAN : But my left leg is the same age and that doesn't hurt.

Doctor, Doctor, I keep seeing pink elephants.
Have you seen a psychiatrist?
No - only pink elephants.

Doctor, doctor, I keep seeing into the future.
When did this first happen?
Next Tuesday.

Doctor, doctor, I keep losing my memory.
When did you first notice it?
When did I first notice what?

Doctor, Doctor, I keep thinking that I'm a bridge.
Now then, what's come over you?
Two cars and a truck.

Doctor, Doctor, I think I'm a pack of cards.
Sit down and I'll deal with you later.


Patient: Doctor, you must help me. I'm under such a lot of stress, and I keep losing my temper with people.
Doctor: Tell me about your problem.
Patient: I JUST DID, DIDN'T I, YOU STUPID IDIOT!