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| Topic: friends with "benefits" | |
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I agree that it's lust.There is no love in the friends with benefits so what is it?There was a time in my life where I didn't think that was a big deal.Once I thought about it though I realized I was just being used for sex since the girl only called my when she wanted to have sex.I did not want to be thought of like some throw away boy toy.It's even worse if she is also screwing other guys at the same time.
As a Christian I know that God is not happy with Christians having meaningless sex even if it is with other Christians.I know if I don't straighten my act out and start living the way God wants me to he will never give me the true love I have always waited for.I decided that I would not have meaningless sex with a girl I was not in love with ever again.It has been over 5 years since I had sex and I respect women,and myself much more because of it.I will still hold out until God gives me my special woman even if it takes another 5 years. |
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I think it can only be an issue between the 2 parties involved.
It would not be something I'd discuss on a public forum. It's far too private. And as long as the 2 parties involved agree on it, who cares? |
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Until recently I was open to such a notion, but thanks be to God for helping set it straight with me - friends with benefits = lust. Sex only for the one you love. 
Derekkye, I thank God that you have come to this understanding and only hope that more people will. May I add - Sex only with the one you love after the marriage covenant.  
mutual love for one another is the "marriage covenant" me thinks - not the actual ceremony
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Sex only for the one you love.
Lucky for me I can love all women |
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Marriage is a contract between a man, woman and THE STATE. You have to pay them to get married and you have to pay them to get divorced. The state used to have a thing where a woman needing a divorce could show her inability to pay for it and the state would pay for it, but that has changed. Too bad. Sometimes you NEED a divorce before your husband drags you under and into his personal pit of hell and all of his gambling and bad credit and debt problems. In Kansas, if you are married and have a restraining order it is not enforced. There is no respect for the women's rights even if she is being abused. Women, don't get married. You loose if you do, and your husband begins to think he owns you and visa versa. People don't own other people and THE STATE has no business in your personal life. It's just there way of keeping track of their empire slaves. Sorry.. thats the truth as I see it. |
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There was discussion on this last week. The question was is it ok to sex before marriage and does the Bible have anything to say about it. Many think that it is ok with two people who love each other and that is marriage in Gods eyes. I believe differently and I'll repost why I believe this.
The woman at the well had been married 5 times and the man she was then living with was not her husband. Look at John 4:16-18. 16 He told her, "Go, call your husband and come back." 17"I have no husband," she replied. Jesus said to her, "You are right when you say you have no husband. 18The fact is, you have had five husbands, and the man you now have is not your husband. What you have just said is quite true." If sleeping with someone meant you were married, what about 2 consenting adults and a one night stand? Or a weekend rendezvous? Or a long term affair on your spouse? If you were married to the spouse of your children and living with her/him but not having sex, and were “consummating” with your co-worker, would that dissolve your marriage to your current spouse and start a new marriage with your consummating partner? What about with a prostitute? And if you were married by “consummating”, then if things didn’t work out would you be required to file for a certificate of divorce? I believe that even in Biblical times they were required to file and serve in order to legally dissolve a marriage. Matthew 9:6-8 So they are no longer two, but one. Therefore what God has joined together, let man not separate." 7"Why then," they asked, "did Moses command that a man give his wife a certificate of divorce and send her away?" If you are required to give a legal certificate for divorce, would it be ok to assume that when the marriage ceremony took place and the two entered into a covenant that a legal certificate was also given to them at that time as well? Or at least some kind of legal document so that the marriage was recorded? Marriages were huge deals in those days. A celebration could go on for a week and the preparation….Jesus even performed His first miracle at a wedding by turning water into wine. A party favor! We can read about marriages from Genesis to Revelation at the marriage supper of the Lamb. It is my belief that what we do before and after the marriage ceremony has a direct effect on the blessing of that marriage.
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I agree that it's lust.There is no love in the friends with benefits so what is it?There was a time in my life where I didn't think that was a big deal.Once I thought about it though I realized I was just being used for sex since the girl only called my when she wanted to have sex.I did not want to be thought of like some throw away boy toy.It's even worse if she is also screwing other guys at the same time. As a Christian I know that God is not happy with Christians having meaningless sex even if it is with other Christians.I know if I don't straighten my act out and start living the way God wants me to he will never give me the true love I have always waited for.I decided that I would not have meaningless sex with a girl I was not in love with ever again.It has been over 5 years since I had sex and I respect women,and myself much more because of it.I will still hold out until God gives me my special woman even if it takes another 5 years. Now that is love (not eros but agape). Knowing that God has the right woman out there for you and being willing to wait for her.
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If you are not a virgin now, you had sex in the past at some point. If you are a Christian then that would have meant that you sinned in some respect against god.
I dont care if you are married or not. Its only a sin if you create that turmoil for yourself. |
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Edited by
splendidlife
on
Tue 12/09/08 06:49 AM
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Until recently I was open to such a notion, but thanks be to God for helping set it straight with me - friends with benefits = lust. Sex only for the one you love.
What if the one you love IS the friend with whom there are benefits? What if the love that one shares with a true friend transcends any binding agreement or legal contract? What can one learn about one's own capacity to love when there are no "laws" thrust into the equation that dictate one's "correct" behavior? ...Especially when one has been programmed all their life to expect certain "treatment" from loved ones. Do not these man-made laws that people claim come from God have us in a sleepy trance? |
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Interesting Article I have not fully sourced it so I do not know how accurate it is . . .
http://www.reuniting.info/science/sex_in_the_brain |
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If you are not a virgin now, you had sex in the past at some point. If you are a Christian then that would have meant that you sinned in some respect against god. I dont care if you are married or not. Its only a sin if you create that turmoil for yourself. Sin is the turmoil we ourselves create out of our slavish devotion to the mind / taskmaster doling out appraisals of "good" and "bad". |
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If you are not a virgin now, you had sex in the past at some point. If you are a Christian then that would have meant that you sinned in some respect against god. I dont care if you are married or not. Its only a sin if you create that turmoil for yourself. Sin is the turmoil we ourselves create out of our slavish devotion to the mind / taskmaster doling out appraisals of "good" and "bad". |
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Edited by
Krimsa
on
Tue 12/09/08 07:32 AM
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Yep. I imagine lust simply floods the brain with dopamine. Probably several other hormones as well. Collectively these hormones conspire to give us that feeling of euphoria that we associate with meeting someone new that we have sexual interest in.
Thats why rejection can also be a problem for some people and can lead to "crimes of passion." Those hormones have a heavy duty effect on the brain. |
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Yep. I imagine lust simply floods the brain with dopamine. Probably several other hormones as well. Collectively these hormones conspire to give us that feeling of euphoria that we associate with meeting someone new that we have sexual interest in. Thats why rejection can also be a problem for some people and can lead to "crimes of passion." Those hormones have a heavy duty effect on the brain. Perhaps "crimes of passion" manifest when the mind battles itself under the tyranny of "good" and "bad". The science involved provides half the equation. The worm-hole-like connection between our conscious mind / brain function and the unseen energy that shapes matter into physical form completes the equation. How? |
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Yep. I imagine lust simply floods the brain with dopamine. Probably several other hormones as well. Collectively these hormones conspire to give us that feeling of euphoria that we associate with meeting someone new that we have sexual interest in. Thats why rejection can also be a problem for some people and can lead to "crimes of passion." Those hormones have a heavy duty effect on the brain. Perhaps "crimes of passion" manifest when the mind battles itself under the tyranny of "good" and "bad". The science involved provides half the equation. The worm-hole-like connection between our conscious mind / brain function and the unseen energy that shapes matter into physical form completes the equation. How? |
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Yep. I imagine lust simply floods the brain with dopamine. Probably several other hormones as well. Collectively these hormones conspire to give us that feeling of euphoria that we associate with meeting someone new that we have sexual interest in. Thats why rejection can also be a problem for some people and can lead to "crimes of passion." Those hormones have a heavy duty effect on the brain. Perhaps "crimes of passion" manifest when the mind battles itself under the tyranny of "good" and "bad". The science involved provides half the equation. The worm-hole-like connection between our conscious mind / brain function and the unseen energy that shapes matter into physical form completes the equation. How? He Blinded Me With Science! No offense taken. Of course it sounds unfounded... ...It is. 
Help fill in the equation, Mr. Science. 
All joking aside... This is where the collaboration rubber could meet the road. Help a person more ignorant of physical proof (moi) to help a person more ignorant of the unseen possibilities (peut-être vous?). |
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I can skip the friends with benefits..... I have my boy toys... human boy toys that is....
Yay me!      
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Edited by
Krimsa
on
Tue 12/09/08 09:42 AM
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If I really wanted to research that topic, I think I would start with interviewing as many people that I could find who were currently incarcerated for crimes of passion to ask them some questions about how much they remember in the time period leading up to the crime.
My guess is its partly hormonal and triggered by that. |
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If I really wanted to research that topic, I think I would start with interviewing as many people that I could find who were currently incarcerated for crimes of passion to ask them some questions about how much they remember in the time period leading up to the crime. My guess is its partly hormonal and triggered by that. You can be my FWB anytime.
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Edited by
Bushidobillyclub
on
Tue 12/09/08 09:56 AM
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I am willing to bet as we uncover the nature of the brain, we will find that almost all (perhaps especially violent)crimes start in a imbalance of the normal functions of the brain. Perhaps we will show eventually how all behavior arises from processes within the brain . . .
Dopamine - Prolactin Relationship at Orgasm
Dopamine- RED / Prolactin- BLUE dopamine drops, prolactin rises Research shows that prolactin surges immediately after orgasm in both men and women. Men may experience this prolactin surge as the "roll over and snore" phenomenon. In women, the effects may be delayed for days. We notice that the effects come and go for about two weeks. There’s an inverse relationship between the levels of prolactin and dopamine; when one is up the other is down. This rise and fall produces a dopamine/prolactin roller coaster of highs and lows, and this roller coaster is a major part of the post-orgasm hangover. What do couples complain of as their honeymoons end? The very symptoms associated with high prolactin: weight gain, drop in libido, mood changes, depression. Notice that in women excess prolactin is also associated with anxiety and hostility. Sound familiar? The following table lists symptoms of patients with chronically elevated prolactin. We think that after sex, the surges may be more subtle, but still noticeable in their effects. Women Men Loss of libido Loss of libido Mood changes / depression Mood changes / depression Hostility, anxiety Impotence Headache Headache Menopausal symptoms, even when estrogen is sufficient Infertility Signs of increased testosterone levels Decreased testosterone levels Although research hasn’t shown how long prolactin surges continue in humans after sex, in female rats, twice daily surges of prolactin continue for up to two weeks. This may help to explain how great sex last week could lead to relationship friction now. And it’s no wonder we don’t make the link between cause and effect. There’s also evidence that prolactin acts as a stress hormone. Unlike the "fight or flight" stress hormones, prolactin seems to be associated with "giving up," or "despair-type" stress. When a wild monkey is first caged, "fight or flight" stress hormones rise. As time goes by and despair sets in, "fight or flight" hormones fall and prolactin rises. Could these surges of prolactin explain agitation, wanting "space," or irritation with your partner that seems to come out of nowhere and then die down? Over time, could these recurring feelings also lead to relationship disillusionment? To summarize thus far, orgasm leads to a drop in dopamine and a rise in prolactin. Both of these lead to multiple behavioral and emotional symptoms, which, in our experience, can arise over the next two weeks. During this time, behavior may change for the worse. More importantly, lovers' perception of each other can shift dramatically for the worse. If we feel depleted, our partner will seem overly demanding; if we feel needy, our partner will seem selfish and uncaring. Bickering and emotional separation then lead to further friction. Of course, few people ever avoid orgasm for two weeks. Most of us ride this roller coaster over and over, never really experiencing balanced brain chemistry - or the easy harmony that accompanies it. splendidlife, I dont really know either to be honest. This is not my field of study, although it might be one day. The more I research biology and brain processes, the more I desire to use physics to study the brain. |
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