A girl has been dating a guy for 4 years. She is 23 y/o.
No license, no car, lives at home, full time student, no job.
Meets a older man who is a real good guy. (my friend)
A TRUE HONEST TO GOD GOOD MAN.
Has own house, great job, great money, awesome dog. If matters.
He is ready to settle down, marry and have children.
Girl likes older man, starts crushing on him and innocent flirting.
Older good guy ends up digging the girl.
Girl breaks up with bf because she is into this older man.
Now she tells older man that she needs time alone.
Says she likes him and to wait till she is ready.
Older man does not understand where all is coming from.

Neither do I?

Can YOU help me please...

If she is thinking about a serious relationship, age can be a deal breaker.
Couple of women let me slide to the side when I told them I was almost 50.
I didn't know they were still in their 30's.
I was cool with it, for obvious reasons but it was an issue for them.
Who wants to be 40 and their BF is late 50's?

It seems she wasn't really serious to begin with... it might have just been all fun and games to her!


[I don't mind some older man... give him my number ]

money makes the world go round,


let me put my finger in ground and turn the world around

I agree with this statement- This might've just been a game to her- since she is telling him to wait for her to be ready- its a control thing too- She is way too immature for the type of relatioship he wants.

love the pic tanya- very pretty!!

I tsounds to me, if I am getting this right... that she is mature. She knew her interests were NOT with her current boyfriend, so she did the right thing letting him go.
Then it sounds like she wants time to figure out herself and how this older man means something important to her. She is looking at herself and getting perspective so she can do the right things for herself and others.

thank you

It makes me wonder if she really gave up boyfriend, or having second thoughts on giving him up. Would suggest he not wait and go on with his life. If she is truly interested, she will not let him go. Wish him well!

Thanks guys... I appreciate it...



still keep more coming please.. he he

Ah, who loves psychology? Raise their hands!

There are missing pieces to this story and so it's hard to give advice. First off, there are many many reasons she could have told him to wait.

It could be that she's immature. Could be that she's trying to set grounds for who is in control, but it also could be that she's trying to figure out what's right for her and what she wants. The best thing to do probably is to talk to her. Don't speculate, get facts - but - only if you feel you need to mediate. She may or may not be up front with you but without delving into her reasons...it's anyone's guess.

She may have gotten scared. She was in a relationship a long time for her age and she may have decided she wasn't ready to take on another serious one too soon. Mature decision.

its very common actually....
she realized she wanted stability, and thus was attracted to your friend.~~He was a safety net if you will, for her to move in that direction~~
however he probably wasnt what she is searching for in the terms of true love.....more like a matter of convenience!!!

Her side might be she was an obediant 18 year old female that stayed at home, stayed in school, stayed with same boyfriend for four years.

And now is not all that interested in someone older who is going to move her into being a homemaker and parent and maybe also work. And not with a fun young guy who wants to do the normal stuff. It doesn't seem fair to push her at an older man who has probably moved past any "fun time" usually associated with the independence of young adulthood. She is being honest with your friend telling him she is not ready for what he wants. I give her a lot of credit for not useing him as and opportunity to get out of her parents house and ruining his life while she finally gets a life of her own.

Your friend has a choice to wait or not wait.

My feeling is he wants to get a young woman before she has the same freedom that he has had. INMHO he is not nearly so wonderful as you think he is to be preying on a young woman who clearly is saying she is not interested.

Sounds to me like she was flattered to have a seemingly nice offer on it's face. And since she stopped dateing at 18 she only has and 18 year old's experience at dateing so it was probably a very confuseing situation. Especially if her parents were saying how wonderful he was. They are probably the typical traditional parents who would prefer to hand her from father to husband.

Maybe she is just not old enough to really know what she wants. Tell him to be carefull,b ecause she is just a little flighty. You know. She is back and forth, that tells me she hasn't a clue.

ohhh, your friend deserved someone else maybe me,,haha im just kidding.in last line but its true he deserve someone

Is your friend a very independent person? If so, I can understand her reaction. I have been in a couple of relationships that I could not handle because I cherish my alone time. I don't mean that I want to never be with someone, but I do need some time to myself occasionally. During this time, I am not on stage, not putting someone else first, and don't have to be concerned with anyone judging me. I am just with myself, content and relaxed. Could be that this older guy was a little over enthusiastic and scared her a little? You never really said just how older the guy is....maybe he is just a little more ready for a mature relationship than your friend.

woah are you psychic? cause i looked at this thread earlier and then soon after you viewed my profile. weird...
lol

Actually it makes perfect sense to me. Think about this for a minute since she was basically an adult she has been in one relationship, done what everyone has told her to do, been in school, etc... Where was her time to just sort out what shewants. I mean I have respect for her not to jump right into a new relationship. I personally see your friend has a small red flag here. If he is older and has it all together why hasn't he thought about where she is coming from and why is he pushing for a serious relationship when she just out of one. I mean she at least wants to change the sheets first. This is my opinion.
But like someone else said there is way to many variables here on the why's so we all can play arm chair physchologists and give opinion's but with out really knowing the people involved it is all subjective.

Because he's OLDER and the longer she waits the OLDER he gets. If she spends too much time changing the sheets she's going to wake up and wonder what she's doin' with this old dude when she could be hookin' up with a young stud. :)

Great answer except now darlin.. I need a rag to wipe off the screen.. LOL.