Ok here it is. I have been dating a lovely lady for the past 3 months and we are getting along great. She has a kid that I have taken a liking to, the father has been a no show for the past 8 months and has never paid child support or helped at all raising the kid for the 2 year span of the child's life. I have helped buy groceries and helped with some bills even though I don't live there but I feel bad if I don't help.
Last week the father called and said he wants to be a part of the kid's life again. My heart kind of sank, not because he wanted to be a better father, but I worry about things.
Angie(the mother and my girlfriend) knows I am in school and that I am almost done and when I am done I have to go where the jobs are, we talked about if things were still working out in 6 months that she would think about going with me. but with the father getting involved now would that change?
Tonight the kid is at his fathers, and Angie is there too talking to the fathers parents and "catching up". After my marriage failed I worry about being left, that I am not good enough, I go to therapy and take pills to get a hold of the negative thoughts and while I know these feeling and thoughts are irrational I still worry about being left.
She obviously had feelings for this guy once, and if he straightens his life out would she go back to him, the whole if things are working out and I have to leave thing would should still have the option to go, and the fact that I have fallen harder than I ever have before make me worry, I am just setting myself up for heartbreak?
What do you think?

I am not qualified to give an opinion on this subject

You can not, and should not interfere with the relationship with a child and his father. He may have been absent, but if he's willing to actually be a good dad now, he has that right.
As far as her possible feelings for him... that's hard to say. But I would sure rather find out now after only 3 months, then much later down the road.

Talk to her- tell her how you feel. You can't speculate on what will happen if you don't communicate.

They are always going to have a connection as they have a child together but as for them getting back together- they are called "exes" for a reason

Just talk to her and get this all out in the open-It will help clear your mind and make you feel better.

Never try to do the "daddy thing" with your GFs kids. MAJOR MISTAKE.Your just setting yourself up for a heartbreak.Be cool with your womans kids but don't try to be "daddy"

There is a big difference between saying you want to be involved and being involved. In other words clam down and wait to see if he can actually walk the walk.

Because he has been an absent parent for so long he will have a hard time in any court proving that he is fit. So, if she and you decide to move he most likely will not have any say in it. She, will of course be the deciding factor in this situation.

I hope that she sets up clear boundaries with him in terms of conditions of him being able to interact with the child.He should have to give her money to help support the child no questions asked.

This is my opinion, but also from dating a man who was absent from his child's life for 5 years.

like L.A.G. said talk to her... express how you are feeling, let her tell you what she is thinking or feeling.


great if the guy gets his stuff together, but if he is like more deadbeat dads he won't be around long.

Not Trying to play daddy, but I also don't want to be "confusing male figure" I don't want to get in between the father and his child. I told Angie that he should have to pay child support and if he can stay out of jail and be a good influence on little Alex's life then yes he should get a chance to be a father. I also worry for the kids safety because when he was loosely involved he left him crying with a dirty diaper for a couple hours, before she left him early on after the baby was born.(He was in jail during the birth) I am not trying to be daddy, but I worry about things.

It Depends on if this Guy is Fit to be the kids Dad! if He's a Bastard Coated Bastard with Bastard Filling then He Shouldn't Be Allowed to Have anything to do with the Child. it would be in the kids Best Interest!

a father that had been in and out of jail is not a father hes a looser and in my opion he shouldnt be allowed to see the child espcially sense he has not been in the child life for 2yrs...

JT~ I AM SO PROUD OF YOU!!! You have come a LONG way from a few months ago!!! School, help with your coping, making some money!!! And, a new love!!!! You have come far FAST!!!

No one can predict, but talking to your friends and your lady for venting and about your concerns are only more steps in the right direction!! Best wishes to you!!!!