I had twelve bottles of whisky in the cellar and my wife told me to empty the contents of each bottle down the sink – or else! I proceeded with this unpleasant task.

I withdrew the cork from the first bottle and poured the contents down the sink, with the exception of one glass which I drank. I abstracted the cork from the second bottle, and did likewise with the exception of one glass, which I drank. I withdrew the cork from the third bottle and poured the whisky down the sink, with the exception of one glass which I drank.

I pulled the cork from the fourth sink and poured the bottle down the glass, which I drank. I poured the bottle from the cork of the next and drank one sink out of it, and threw the rest down the glass. I pulled the sink out of the next glass and poured the cork from the bottle. Then I corked the sink with the glass, bottled the drink and drank the pour. When I had everything emptied, I steadied the house with one hand, counted the bottles, corks, glasses and sinks with the other which where twenty-one, and as the house came by I counted them again. I finally had counted all the houses and one bottle which I drank.

I am not under the alcofluence of incohol, but thinkle peep I am. I am not half so thunk as you might drink. I fool so feelish – I don’t know who is me – and the drunker I stand here the longer I get.