IF someone is a potential spouse is like saying IF I am going to see them next week to me. If it is an if situation I pretty much live and let live. I pay my own bills and don't care wheather a guy has any more money than enough to cover the invitation he makes. Since I have had the surprise that some men do not even do that I tend to be prepared for even that eventuality.

But if someone is serious enough to put the ring on my figure and we are talking about marriage not only do I expect to GIVE and get significant information; I expect it to be verified. I don't sneak behind anyones back about doing it either. If a man can't stand the heat then don't walk in the kitchen. I would expect a man that was serious enough to propose marriage to ask some very tough questions and get direct answers or back out of the deal VERY fast.
That is what and Engagement period is all about; learning the intimate details of your future choices. It is not just going to the bed and breakfast and planning the wedding. Since I have never told a confidence about anyone I figure I have the track record if someone wants to check to see if I can respect his privacy but if he doesn't trust me any more than to get down to the nitty gritty don't waste my time.

I am not a kid anymore and I don't have the time or the ability to dig myself out of a severe financial disaster just because I am all stary eyed and in love. You marry someone and they are eyeball deep in back taxes, bankruptcy's, over extended credit debt that is your future to deal with. You don't just get to walk away. Marriage has some serious protections but it also has some serious responsibilities and you can go down the tubes very fast if your partner is a flake about money. I want to be very clear what I am getting myself into AND making the guy who is hitching his wagon to me understand what is his deal. What will and won't be mutual gifts to the marriage will be clear from the get go. I am not a gold digger and I am more than glad to sign a prenup that protects him and me. Somewhere past legal age you should be collecting some assets but that doesn't mean because you want to be partners with someone you want to hand over your entire life. You would be stunned to find out the assumptions people make about financial matters. Especially if they see that you might have a little something. And it doesn't take a lot.

I definitely did background checks on people when I was dateing as a single parent because I felt I had the responsibility not to put my innocent children in jeapordy. I have NEVER gotten anything that was not PUBLIC information that anyone can get and my feeling is if a person has a problem with me knowing basic facts about them that they are not going to be the person for me. When I was looking as a parent I was more interested in wheather they were a saftey risk but someone who can't hold a job or manage his money is definitely a saftey risk.

I might be terribly old fashioned but I think a person's credit history also says a lot about their judgement and character. Sure there are things no one can foretell but someone who lives off credit; Writes of debts, and consistently mismanages his financial matters lacks the right stuff for me. That does not always mean coming out on top of every financial issue. I would much rather date a man who has left his Ex and dependent children in the family home or is subsidizing and aged parent than a guy who has a stack of platinum credit cards. But on the same track I am not going to live in poverty because I was too stupid to cover my own arse from a man who consistently lets the Ex drain him out of guilt or stupidity and has adult age children still on the dole. I have seen too many cases where the little Prince or Princess makes the new step parent a second class citizen includeing financially. If you can learn that from seeing a credit history IMHO then you would be a fool not to. After all a credit history nothing more and nothing less than a record of the decisions you have made. If you are not accountable for your actions to a fiance' why would you be any more accountable to a spouse?
I would be very curious to hear the answers because I have seen this topic debated many times.

no not at all.

Audi's are piece of crap cars....

there is an old saying.......arguing on the internet is like the special olympics even if you win your still.......in other words act your age fool

I dated a lawyer who got into financial trouble by not doing right by his clients money. He was upfront with me and explained it all and how he was repairing what he had done. The guy payed bigtime for what he did. I looked up all the documents regarding it and he was truthful in what he said. I observed how he lived his life in the present and found him to be remorseful for his actions.

I don't think you can just exclude someone by looking at credit history on paper. Mine sucks right now. Anyone who's been through a divorce knows how this can play havoc on your finances. All I can do is work hard to repair it.

It all depends on circumstances.

I would be cranky if someone did that to me without at least asking first.

I have no problem with letting a potential partner know about my background. Its very simple. I was born with nothing, grew up with nothing, have nothing now and I'll probably died with nothing. I pay my bills and drive a ten year old car.

LET ME TELL YOU! Had I done that, I'd still be safe and SECURE in NY!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I totally agree with the concept that a person who has had bumps in the road; divorce, illness, business failure, natural disaster ect. should be given the opportunity to put things in context and re-instate themselves with responsible behavior. Some things are beyond people's control. It is about over all history or at least the most recent. I would want to make it CRYSTAL clear I would NEVER snoop on someone's credit for a casual relationship or prior to and engagement. I would consider that a violation of my privacy and consider it threatening behavior if it were done to me. I suppose it is important to note that I did not bring people around my children before it was a very serious relationship. I didn't see it as necessary for someone to be in my personal living quarters before that.

I am sorry to hear what happen to you. Hopefully you can recover, and thrive, and have the life you want soon. You strike me as someone who will grow stronger from your experiences. Good Luck!

And what happens if their bank is Capitol One??? The debit/credit card is from them and it isn't because of crappy credit, it's who issued the card!!