Warning: Vent time. Nobody in this post is on this site, just fyi.

I am not perfect. In fact, sometimes I think I'm so far from perfection that I can see the backside. I am well aware of my weaknesses and flaws. I can even give a very detailed list if you want. I'm pretty damned sure anything you can think of I am already well aware of. That said, one thing I know I have a strength in is being there for my friends. If I'm not asleep or on my way there (and sometimes even then), I will always have a moment to read / talk about their woes and issues, and offer what I can as friend to help, weather that be to simply listen, to vent with them and agree that so-in-so is a major asshole, or to ask if they need anything and seriously, honestly mean it when I say I will do what I can to help. I have always striven to be there for my friends, because they matter to me, and there's nothing on this earth that can replace knowing that someone's in your corner, even if that corner is sometimes the wrong one. That's what friends are for.

The last couple weeks I've had trouble keeping up with my friends, however. I've been very busy and stressed and worried and my life has been a little crazy. I wasn't worried though, because surely my friends would be there for me as I have been there for them. Again, that's what friends are for right? I knew that they would understand and be there for me as I have been there for them now that I needed them.

Except...

I've confided in friends lately. I've vented and complained and needed a shoulder to cry on... just as they have needed me in the past. I've gotten different reactions, but none that made me feel like I could go on knowing I have a friend in my corner, knowing I have a little bit of a friendly foundation to lean on when needed. Instead...

One friend automatically assumed I was talking about him, freaked out, and indirectly cussed me out in a public arena. This friend, I have noticed, seems to always think everything I want to confide in him or vent to him about involves him in a bad I'm-a-stalker way. Funny, I wasn't aware that my entire world revolved around him. I'll have to keep that in mind in the future. Of course, whenever I'm there for him, it's simply because I'm obsessed with him and has nothing at all to do with the fact that I actually care about how he feels and how he's doing.

Another friend sees fit to give me advice which I would gladly take if it wasn't toned as a mother scolding her 4-year-old. When she needs me I listen and I ask questions to better understand the full story. When I need her she listens to the first part and then runs with it under all sorts of assumptions that are usually incorrect, finishing with a self-rightious nod as if to say "there. I helped your petty problem that was your own damned fault in the first place. Now leave me alone. I have my own **** to deal with without having to be bothered with yours."

Another friend stares off into the distance as I talk, jumping every once in a while with a "What? I wasn't listening. Sorry." Yeah. That makes me feel really valued. Especially seeing as how I listen to everything she says and try to help her with her problems. Guess my problems aren't worth even hearing since they have nothing to do with her.

Another friend says he wants to help and listen and care, but every time I even try it always somehow goes back to his issues that stem from how he's still in love with me.

Another friend can't even be bothered to reply to me unless hes drunk, horny or both.

Another friend seems to think it's a competition. If I have a problem I need to talk out with her, she automatically has a worse one, and we ALWAYS end up talking about hers because her life is so much more ****ed up. Ding ding. You won again... congrats?

I'm well aware that I am not the only one who's dealing with issues. Hell, I HAVE to be aware because I actually listen and care. But I'm human too. Again, I'm far from perfect, but damnit I try to be a friend. I do. And anyone who can dispute that really never knew me in the first place. I know that for a hard fact. Period. I don't listen and try to help because I expect anything back... but friends are supposed to support each-other, not take each-other for granted. All I'm asking is a little return on the love I've tried to show. I have been a friend and will continue to be a friend because I love them all, honestly and truly... but when will it be my turn to just cry on a shoulder for a while?

in the end, the only one you can really count on is yourself...be kind and gentile with yourself, its all you have...

peace

anytime you need a shoulder....and if they can't be there for you...they are not the friends you thought they were...for a true friend is always there

You just vent away!!!! I have a lot of these kinds of "friends" too.

Normally I have to deal with the really BIG issues on my own. BUT. Never turning down someone that wants to BE a friend, some day I'll find one that you are describing that YOU want.

And I have NO doubt you'll find one too. But it's a shame you have to go through a hard time to learn who they are isn't it???