Topic: If you asked me what I wanted (opinions welcome)
ThelittleMiss's photo
Mon 09/29/08 11:46 AM
If you asked what I wanted, I don’t know if I could give you an answer. I know that I'd like a man, not one of these excuses for one that seem to overpopulate the general public. A man tall enough to need to lean down to kiss me on the forehead, a man that would take the time to kiss me on the forehead. I'd love to sit up late at night, and watch the snowflakes that I missed so much slowly dwindle their way to the frosted ground. I'd like to sit in a hidden tree house that lives down a dirt lane that no one knows about and listen to him sing me love songs in a language I don't know. I'd adore having someone that thinks I'm beautiful, not for how large my bust line is or whether or not I'm a size two, which I never will be. For someone to think that this person that I am, the one I find myself hiding so often, is honestly beautiful. I want to find someone unexpected, interesting, and intriguing. If you asked what I wanted, I bet I could give you an answer.

no photo
Mon 09/29/08 11:52 AM
Nicely done -- very descriptive and quite evocative.

And the transition -- from "If you asked what I wanted, I don’t know if I could give you an answer" in the first line to "If you asked what I wanted, I bet I could give you an answer" sets up a nice developmental process in between, allowing the movement from Point A to Point B, a self-discovery, a gradual shift from the nebulous to a bit more definitive.

You should do more.


ThelittleMiss's photo
Mon 09/29/08 12:22 PM
thanks Ive been writing since I was old enough to uinderstand the concept, I have more ill post them in a little bit

purposebuilt's photo
Mon 09/29/08 12:27 PM
That was awesome!
Keep em coming!