For those of you who haven't met me and learned my story, I was married to an immigrant whom was deported 2 years ago. We had a child together, and she is an American Citizen.

Well, I thought me and the ex-husband were at least civilized people, as divorce is hard enough on a 3 year old, I was not about to make it nasty.

So, soon after my former father-in-law died, I brought our daughter to Israel to live with her father and help everyone over there with the grieving process.

My mistake.

She is miserable.

She tells everyone she just wants to go home to Kansas with mommy.

She tells her grandmother she wants her to cook like Mommy does.

She yells at her father to take her back to her mommy.

Well, him and I got into a huge fight today. Now he is threatening to take her away from me permanently. We had agreed to him keeping her for 2 years so I could finish school and get a job settled. After all, I felt guilty because I had kept her for 2 years to myself.

He is going to use the DNA option to get her citizenship there. I had, as a friend and mother, sent him her birth certificates so that we could do this as friends and not make it hard on the princess.

I was not the one to suggest she come back so soon. Not that I do not love her, but I am not in the right place financially for her. I want her to have the best life. Right now, I am only going to see her for 3 hours a day if she lives with me because of my work schedule and my school schedule. I did not think that would have been fair to her. At least there, I figured, she had Safta (grandma) and her Aba (father). She had a house that was bought and paid for by Saba (Grandpa) and so she didn't have to worry about where she would live.

But she is unhappy.

Sometimes she is so mad and upset that she won't speak to me.

I try so hard to help her through this. But now he is threatening to come between me and her permanently.

My only strongest option is to go to the US Embassy and say he kidnapped an American. But he didn't. We went willingly. But now she wants to come home. Could I claim him holding an American against her will?

I don't want this messy. See, if I do the above choice, he will lose her permanently. And I do not believe that is my right to do that. Despite everything, she loves him to pieces. She just wants to be with mommy. After all, I am all she has known since birth. He was an absent parent for most her life, going straight from work to the casinos and then fleeing the country when sh!t hit the fan, leaving us stranded in CA. (We moved to KS to be closer to family.)

Ugh, I know most of you don't have a situation like this. Most divorcees or split parents have it a bit easier cause the other parent resides in the same COUNTRY. But I do need some advice. I don't want to hurt family members that didn't do anything wrong. But I don't want to lose my princess either.

*sigh* It's been a long day of crying and strategizing. I need some help.

Look for a local immigration office near you, there might be a low cost attorney that can answer your questions. contact the us embassy and explain the situation and that he threatened to change her citizenship without your permission.

I know this is all hard, but if you feel that your daughter is not going to be loved and taken care of do whatever steps you need to take!

This happened to a friend of mine.

The best advice I can give is try to talk to him again, Keep the lines of communication open. Maybe a visit home(US) would do all three of you some good.

Keep the lines of communication open. My friend did not, she went the other route and lost her children forever. They are with their father in the middle east and she is forbidden to see them unless their father approves first. Her heart aches for her children, she hasn't seen them in 10yrs.

Good luck and prayers for a happy ending for all of you

Some countries do not need both parents approval for changing citizenship, some also can have dual citizenships.

No suggestions. Just know that your story touched a lot of people and our best wishes and prayers are with you!

wait i dont get it

one you say he wasnt there for her at first but yet you let him take her to another country????
then you are saying she wants to come home but you cant raise her and will never have time for her but you are fighting to bring her home????

I would talk to my elected Representative or Senator first thing in the morning. You will probably be referred to a lot of official places and need to take a notebook to get down all the information they are going to throw at you. Weather you agreed or volunteered and amicable situation you are dealling with complicated legal issues and could very quickly loose your righta as a parent. I would call First Call For Help with your local United Way and get some referrals for your assistance needs for free. Parent's Without Partner's national might have expertise in this matter. DrPhil has info on his web site. This is a serious situation that needs immediate attention. If my kid was hollaring to come home I would act immediately. Best of luck.

I took her there when we attended her grandfather's funeral. My ex and I had still been friends up until just recently. His mother looks after her while he is at work.

I can raise her by myself. I have to give up school and my degree and go back to working for McDonald's for $5/hr. Finishing my degree gets me a job either here or internationally with a specific company for $25/hr. I decided that she was worth it. After all, I thought my ex would still be my friend as I had maintained constant communication with him through the last two years. I never thought that he would stoop this low.

Israel is a country with dual citizenship.

i no have advice or know what to say except
my heart goes out to you
<<prayers and thoughts>>

yuor best bet at this point is as others have said, go to you congress/senator immediately in the morning. Go through them in order to contact the american embassy for you. I wuold NOT reccomend contacting the embassy yourself as you will just get pushed aside (unles syou are still in israel?)

Even with Israel being a dual citizenship country, as of right now, your daughter is legally an American citizen, and as such, she has the right to go back to the United states if she or her legal guardian (which sounds to be yhou) chooses so. BUT, to get this enofrced, you have to let the government (yes i know that is scary and heart stopping) handle the entire situation.

There have been several cases in history, where an American female married an Eastern gentleman, after so many years they went to israel (or anther Eastern Country), either on vacation or sabbatical or whatever. As soon as they got there, the Eastern male steppe forward andused the Easter llands laws to hold both his wife and their children against ehr will and to also teach their children that their mother has no legal rights and is basically a posession (as is the belief in certain countries).

I suggest you also go to you local library and research books ont his issue. Tehre are a lot of them out htere written by women who have gone through exaclt what you are going through, and thus have already been down the road that either succeeded or failed.

For any other woman out ther who is married or marries int he future an eastern man, if he suggests going to his country for whatever reason, I strongly urge you to stop and think baout it very seriously first. A lot of times, the mans position did nto even change until after he got back tot he country in question and had the chance for his family to impose their beliefs on him, thus converting him back, so to speak.

Good luck and god Bles syou on whats oging to be a long and very sorrowful and stressful journey.

Sweetie...I have no advise...

But my thoughts and prayers are with you and your daughter...

I'm speechless.

Did he ever get the paperwork you sent?

I can only hope this works out for you and her.

If you want to talk you know how to get a hold of me.

We had a very VERY long talk. Smoothed things out. He knows that I have his entire family on my side. As well as mine. They will come between him and our daughter if need be. They will take her back to America if he tries anything stupid.

For now, it is civil in our friendship and shared parenting.

He has heard the threats made by his mother and his brothers and cousins about if he tries to keep our daughter there without my permission and against her will.

*sigh* I hate when crap like this gets ugly, cause it's the princess that gets hurt.

hugs!

Thank you! That does help!

Please don't take this as me bein mean..... but didn't you watch not without my daughter????
I have a lot of respect for you for even considering it. it must be horrible! OMG!!!
you have to do something. even if ya had to call the media . Oh hon!You and your daughter have my prayers girly!!

They could also be telling you these things just to appease you. Be weary of it. Do your research. Make sure you know your rights and your daughter's rights NO MATTER what he or is family says. Find out if there are time limits and find out what it would take for him to make her become an Israeli citizen. Learn it like the back of your hand so you can know if these steps are being taken. Don't put blind trust like that in anyone... at least not where it concerns your child. Good luck and God bless.

*sigh*

Israel is not Iran.

Yes, I saw that movie. Again, Israel is not Iran. I would know. I have been there.

Israel is an American ally. Or more like America is Israel's only ally.

I have done my research. But it would mean being very nasty and preventing him from ever seeing her again. EVER. She kinda loves her father, ya know? That is where the major dilema comes in. Can't destroy her just to extract revenge on him.

I have known his family for years. They have helped me when they would rather see him suffer. They have given me money when he has gambled away all his own. They have come over while he was at work and taken me and my daughter out shopping for food and clothing. They have helped me through school. They have sent me money all the way from Israel to assist in Nicole growing up, when they would rather see their son dead for what he was doing to us.

This family is very strict when it comes to right and wrong. They tend to side with the right over the wicked. And when they saw how wicked their son was, they immediately granted me a blessing to divorce and hide from him. They could even understand if I hid from them for a while.

I do not know how many times I have cried together with his mother about her son.

His father was outraged at his son. He never raised his son to do what he did, but America's many casinos corrupted him.

I am still in contact with the family members who would rather see him dead than let him take her away from me. They were quite upset that I was so forgiving and let him have our daughter. But I did it for her, not for him. She spent 2 years missing him and asking me when she would see him again.

We just never expected this. We have all talked and come to the same conclusion. I can do more from here than I can from there. Here I can call press, I can call government, I can make a big stink. There, not so much.

It will take him 2 months before he can get her citizenship.

Her visa is up end of September.

I think everything will be alright. Israel, unlike America, deports overstays in a heartbeat.

For the sake of all parties involved, I hope things work out for the better. God works miracles, but we also have to do our part. It's a good thing his family is aware and has been helping you.

People usually threaten the worst when they are the most afraid of losing something (or someone), so try to remain civil as you have been... but if necessary, take action to make sure that child is safe. I don't know how many times I was threatened by my ex regarding my child... and most of the time, he did it because he was afraid of paying child support or losing his daughter.

People do desperate things in desperate times, regardless of whatever bond you may have shared at one time.

Stay alert about it all and have faith.