It's not my fault that he's lied to me. If someone lied to you, would you just forget about it and give them all your trust?

OP I see this all very simple -- either accept his actions or don't - short and sweet

entirely up to you, figure out what's important to you and follow your instincts

good luck

Well, with all due respect, the initial question was what can I do to help makes things better, not whether or not I should leave him.

again with all due respect, you can make things better by what I mentioned above.

It takes two people to make a relationship functional and happy not just one, by what you have written you have expressed his misdeeds/doings, you accepted responsibility, yet he is out there chatting and making dates with other women. How can you make things better? Why not make the dates for him

sorry just my opinion -

Ok you can stay and know that sooner or later he is going to find a newer and more appealing victim to be with than you or you can decide that when you get out you won't be a year older, maybe with and STD. or knocked up because in a real moment of really incredibile stupidity you bring and innocent child into this picture. This guy has proven he is a scum bag over and over and he is going to dump you so YOU need to choose when.
Cut him off at the pockets. Don't EVEN let him into your knickers because if he is this careless with his health you sure don't need to be exposed to whatever he is laying down with between the ones who are stupid enough to let you find out about. I guarantee you he is screwing anyone anywhere he can and there are more you do not know about. Believe this snake can, has, and will find many more victims than you.
Start looking TODAY for whatever resources you need to support yourself out of the shadow of this soul stealer. If you are computer literate you have more skills than many and can find a JoB if you will just look! Then save your money as if your life depends on it BECAUSE it does! Start at your local community college and look for a ladder to your dreams. If you are living in student houseing it will give you a clean safe place to collect your thoughts and formulate a real life plan.
You have to have to bring someone in your life to balance out the "brain washing" this guy is dishing out so find a women's support group. It might sound corney but churches have been supported for generations by long standing womens peer support groups called circles or whatever it varies with the faith of your choice. If faith isn't your thing try a sorority or even a team at a recreation league. I wouldn't rule out a mental health peer group from a women's hotline. But you have to build a network of friends in your immediate area. Having support here is great. Print off the affirmations of the people who care about you here and use them to give you courage to go through the hard miles. You run into individual problems ask them for how they handle things. Sounds like you need some experienced advice so I would go to the forums for some of the older people and build a wide base of friends; male and female.
Since I doubt you were hatched from and egg it stands to reason you have a family member somewhere. Even If you have to eat a little crow for hooking up with this jerk turn to your family and ask if they will help you out if you will appreciate another chance by making a respectable woman out of yourself. (Then do it.) It may or may not be a parent or sibling but at least give them a chance to help you. Almost all families have at least one elderly member that would be grateful for someone to split the rent and have a little help with chores so don't just look at the ones that seem to have it all. If you are not sure how to get in touch with or back to your family go to Salvation Army. They fix up family re-unifications with couseling and even though it might not be glamourous usually a bus ticket "home". If you are one of the bazillion kids who are abandoned by the Foster care system go back to the "system" because now they are starting to find resources for grown kids that just have not quite got things together. if only a peer support group it is a start. Sometimes a sister of the heart is what you have to claim as family but it sure beats this player you are pretending is your husband.
Last but not least don't beat yourself up too badly for letting this guy get over on you. There are unfortuneately some people who have mastered finding people who are easy to break down or push into a corner and take advantage of. They are often charismatic, good looking, and have exploited enough people that they seem generous and sucessful. Usually they are living off someone elses money for as long as they can get away with it. Probably this gal he is courting actually believes the "stories" he is telling her about you. Which I can pretty much quote you; because they are so predictable; maybe even the same ones he told you; but if she is stupid enough to screw a guy with a live in and buy his lines then she deserves what she gets. Put this in perspective as a life lesson and move forward. You are way too young to settle for this crap.

Hon, this is a relationship you have to leave. There is no way he will change his ways. I would never think of cheating on my love, never. You are either like that or you are the type that doesn't think it is a big deal. Its a type of psychosis in people. Once a cheater always a cheater. If someone rips away trust from a relationship you are left with only sharp shards of doubt and anger.

This isn't your fault its entirely how this person is made up. You need to gather your things and move or package his and kick him out on the street.

OP I read the additional posts after I read what I wrote to you. If you want to fix this situation and refuse to see that it is not FIXABLE that is your choice.

You can go to counseling and try to persuade him to go with you. It is really expensive so you might want to sock away about $150./hour. Most people with the kind of self esteem issues that make them serial cheaters or their victims need intensive or even inpatient care. That runs about the price of a car.

You could try to talk to the other woman but it is likely to get you beat up. Or arrested for harrassing another. If she gives you the oportunity to defend your very weak claim on this man you might offer to talk to her in a neutral location or give her a letter that politely asks her to respect the fact that you are actually living together and want to be a couple. I would be suspect of anything she tells you that affirms she will respect your boundries but miracles never cease. It doesn't account for the fact that he is pursueing her.

If it is your phone, computer, car, or money he is useing to chase other women you can stop giving him Access. If it is his you are kind of out of luck. I wouldn't recommend damaging any of the above because you will be legally responsible to replace it and could be charged for a variety of crimes.

If you have plenty of money for a lawyer you could try getting legal relief but I think as an unmarried live in you don't have a lot of legal remedies. You go after his current number one girlfriend it is likely to only make her more desireable.

You need to be prepared to live with the consequences of that choice.

Are you ready and able to be able to survive on the curb? This guy is moving on and either he is going to move on and leave you stranded in the place you are or put you out eventually. It will probably be in the winter time so I would make sure I have a really good coat.

If the lease is in his name you are not going to be able to challenge when the landlord locks you out or he has the police escort you out as a tresspasser.

If you add your name be sure you can pay the rent alone. He will probably quit paying as soon as he doesn't have to. You get and eviction on your credit rateing you are going to live in slum houseing for nothing less than 7 years that it stays on your credit record.

If you can you might want to document what is actually yours. If you have letters or reciepts I would move them to a secure place he can't access. A gift is a possession only when you can prove it is actually yours.

If you are evicted by the police you are going to be allowed to take what you can carry so I would buy a big duffle bag and a lock. The police occasionally will transport you to a women's shelter but often you have to provide your own bus or cab fare so I would keep some emergency funds. Since shelters often don't offer twin sheets and blankets I would purchase a set or a sleeping bag too. You will need the lock so they can't steal your stuff while you are sleeping.

It is highly likely if he can't get you to leave by verbally and mentally driveing you out it is likely that he is going to abuse you. If you do not have health insurance I would recomend you get it. Maybe long term care insurance. Head injuries or internal injuries, the favorite form of abusers usually leaveing their victims needing skilled care the rest of their life are not only ugly but catestrophiclly expensive. You really don't want to end up in a state funded bed because they are often worse than you can imagine. You might also want to write a will and an advance directive that clearly states your wishes. This guy is probably not going to do anything responsible except pull the plug but maybe not that so I would protect my wishes by making them known. You can down load these forms from various sites. I would recommending sending them to a third party. He has proven he won't respect your wishes so he could destroy it.

If you are un-lucky enough to get this guy to give you a list of Demands you could try accomodateing them. My guess is they will be unreasonable if not impossible but if you are willing to submit no whineing later when you don't like how it makes you feel. What is realistic is he will just keep changeing his demands so you will have to be very fexible. If tieing yourself in a knot is possible that is probably what it will get too.

It is possible it is he wants you to grow up and demand some respect from him. I am not a big beleiver in ultimatums but you could try telling him straighten up or it is over. Maybe what he can't have is what motivates him and he will be intrigued. Probability is he has lost interest as well as respect but maybe what he is looking for is a woman with a backbone.

Put a big fork in this relationship, its done.
Sorry.

Sorry OP but they're right... You can't fix what isn't fixable.. You can duct tape it for a bit but as my son recently learned the pipe is still going to explode at some point..

He has a history of cheating, he's attempted to cheat on you and he will as soon as he get's his chance.. Sure he may love you but obviously his love is different than yours...

I am sad for you that you'd rather stay with someone with absolutely no morals regarding love and relationships, but hey it's your life your choice... Just remember when you post these things for the whole site to read, you may not get the answers you're looking for but opinions of those that are usually trying to help... Your answer may not be the right answer and they're trying to help you see that, it's too bad that you don't love yourself as much as you love him...

Good luck to you in all that you do, now and later.. Remember we'll be here to help you when he finally does do you wrong and what a sweet guy he'll just kick you out...

I would not have hesitated, I would have walked the second I had confirmation.

He is actively trying to get with other women. Get a clue!

You can do nothing. It's up to him to decide how he live's his life. I know your heart is terribly broken and, believe me, I do feel the depth of your pain. You've got to hold on to yourself little sister. Try your damndest to get your head more powerful than your heart. Good luck to you.

A phrase keeps running through my head - "willing suspension of disbelief"

I see that happening here.

Pack his bags, get your car keys back and kick him to the curb.

Really, just get in the car and drive, leave, now!!!!!!!!!!! Don't think about it, go. You'll breath a sigh of relief once you've gone far enough.

One more thing, from now on, don't kiss anybody's azz anymore!

Some things are obviously making you rather uncomfortable. You need to be able to communicate a bit deeper to him about these feelings. If he cares, he will be mindful.

Also, use your existentialism. Throw aside all of your emotions and thoughts and be objective...then try to project the future.

Yes your question was how can you fix this situation with the man you love?But being the outsiders here we are conserned for your safety.
Seeing as he has already made an attempt to flirt with and try to arrange a get together with another woman I find that sad and believe me you deserve better.Your trust in him has been broken.Take care of you because he is taking care of himself don't fool yourself into thinking he isn't.

Run Baby Run

Not much fixing to do there

I'm sorry but he will not change

You're bound to be heart broken

If you stay with him , good luck to you

JMO

PREECH IT!!!
PREEEEEECH IT!!!!



I KNOW THATS RIGHT!!!!!

If you cant trust your partner then there is nothing!!!