when i was first learning to scream i found myself speechless, quieting the voices in my head to hear you speak of dreams instead. my tongue cut in the jaw, little did i know that note of terror would embed itslf within and the ghost of it might haunt me til i dreamed of feeling death.
for you i learned to breathe water, the silence never questioned in the thick white foam that would wash the shores. what name would i call, begging for a sheath of words to free me, and you and us.

when i learned to creep, your voice became like the thunder of god and i quickly scrambled to obey. you the keel of my beating heart, the water pulsing between us like blood. i could draw no breath without you.

unknowing virgin i thought your hands to be gentle, this the way of the world seeped in shadows i thought were light. and oh our dynasty, settled so firmly in the mud, begins to sink and i see the bodies of our freshly buried ghosts begin to rise.

this earth i rise from seeks retrobution and i in agony cant undo what has been done. what torn skirts caked in mud and masks of bone could ever hold you here? what insidious delirium took your hand and cradled mine?
thunder and guns would be better than this forged peace. i would step from this skin of old bondages and surfdom and gladly burn the streets in victory but our end seems far less grand.
i learned to breathe water for you and watched as the spirits rotted endlessly in the early morning mist of spring.
what is my atonement but the screams which claw at my throat, unable to be given voice unless by blood. i will never call for you. i will never call. and as the stars plummet to the earth i can only watch as you burn, hearing you give sound to what i was bound to all my life

Deep writing...