The divorce should come first before the dating

Sorry lily you know I luvs ya....but I am going to think the worst of anyone involved in a cheating situation...you have long known that is one of my pet peeves. And you don't try to fill a position where there is no vacancy.....

Hmm never knew chicks knew how men think? Trust me if she would just leave him alone, I bet he stays married. Just my 2 cent wish your friends the best of luck!

No one is cheating on anyone in this situation.... No positions have been filled, she likes him, and he likes her, he has told me he likes her, and she the same... Nothing has ever transpired between the two of them except friendly talk... Nothing that can even be construed as cheating. He said to her once "If I were single I would snatch you up" That is it....

You are really jumping to conclusions here.... she's not messing with him, and when she realized she was attracted to him as more than a friend she even cut some of their friendship back for fear of it looking bad.... Don't jump to conclusions about this...

I am friends with both of them, and I know all sides of the story... Trust me if it were shady I wouldn't talk to either one of them about it.

I know what I think about it, but I'm torn on the subject. That's why I'm asking just to get different views... Not that it really matters though, they are going to do what they want to do.

Even those that might think this is ok are going to be hesitant to state it here. You could spend hours talking about the shades of grey, but nobody wants to risk appearing to condone wrecking a marriage.

Sounds to me like the marriage is on the rocks and not because of Lily's friend.Talking is not cheating nor does it wreck a strong marriage.

I'll catch heat for this but her girlfriend is going to be the home wrecker. Hello he is married go find someone else that isn't taken!

Since you know all sides of the story, tell us what the wife has to say about this.

Well.....I'm probably gonna become an outcast for this but here goes......

I am in the situation that Lily is talking about. For 4 years I have been abused by my wife. Not physical, although she has thrown some things at me during her tirades, but mental. I've been called every name in the book, told many times to go out and get a divorce, countermanded with most of the decisions I've made for the family, left to fend for myself both with food after working all day and for doing my own laundry to have clean clothes to wear for work.

I've been there for her and the kids at every turn. I work every day. I don't drink all the time. I don't do drugs. and I don't fool around. I've been faithful to her for 15 years! I don't go to the bars and hang out.
During all this she has had one addiction after another. Gambling to the tune of 1000.00 a month and now it's the computer with a specific online game that she may spend sometimes 19 hours a day on.

I've been alone for 4 years now in heart and mind and not strayed one bit. Now it's time for me to move on physically for my own mental happiness and the wel being of my kids!!

I've been ready to be loved for several years and not had it with my soon-to-be-ex. So there is no cooling off period, or going back to what I know is bad already!!!

I'm stuck in the trap that the lawmakers in this state, in their infinite wisdom, have increased to 1 full year. Separation from "bed and board". Fun fun.......

I kinda felt like the ladies on here were of the mind that I gathered from their responses in this thread. I've pretty much been ignored since day one. And I'm afraid I'm one of those "nice guys" that everyone says finishes last!!! Anyone remember THAT thread??

Well, now I'm off to go and try to make preparations to evacuate from this area before Hurricane Gustav tears me a new one and I'm probably gonna be a nice guy and help my neighbors prepare too.

But please ladies.....some of us are ready to be in a relationship even BEFORE the papers are final cause we've been out of the relationship as husband and wife even before we left!! My feelings on having someone close are parallel with all this, but too much to write right now.

The wife, and yes I do know her also, but not as well has said to me (I've met her 5 times maybe) says her husband (the guy) doesn't make enough money... he makes 135,000 she said to me on the first time meeting her, "I'm not having sex with him for a month, he took a lower paying job because he was happier, and that doesn't make me happier"

What's her side.... Selfish b*tch....

Neither one of them have discussed their feeling for each other to each other, so how does that make her a home wrecker again?

I'm more curious to know what she thinks about your her husband's feelings for your friend and wonder if she knows about the upcoming divorce.

Oh wait, and he caught her cheating on his couch when he came home from work early one day...

Enough said, the marriage should be over by now then

It's all about perceptions. People don't want to be confused by the facts. If people think they were involved, that she in ANY way contributed to the demise of his marriage, she will be seen as a homewrecker. The truth won't make any difference.

He has discussed it with her before, and actually left for awhile and her response is "If you divorce me, I'll take you for everything you have" This was after he caught her cheating. (This is his sotry, I wasn't there for the discussion)

I have to agree, ive done it a few time, married or seperated, too much drama. They cant go out in public sometimes, they usually end up back with their wives if they are recently seperated, and no matter what they say, they are usually after another wife, just without the legalities.

good luck and kudos for hanging in as long as you did.Few think of women as abusers but it is all too common.

He took her back for the kids (they have 2) and he did really love her... she in the past (again from what he has told me, but he has no reason to lie to me) has cyber affairs all the time...