Q: How can you tell if a blond is a good cook?
A: She gets the poptart out of the toaster in one piece.
Q: What do you call a blonde at university?
A: A visitor.

Q. Why does a blonde smile in a lightning storm?
A. They think their getting their picture taken.

Q: What did the mom say to her blonde duaghter before a date?
A: If your not in bed by 12 come home.

Q: Why did the blonde only smell good on the right side?
A: He didn't know where to buy Left Guard!

Q: Why did the blonde put her finger over the nail she was hammering?
A: The noise gave her a headache

Q: Did you hear about the blonde who couldn't wait to see 20,000 leagues
under the sea?
A: He said that he loved baseball, and was surprised that there were so
many teams.

Q: Why did the blonde stand in front of a mirror with his eyes closed?
A: He wanted to see what he looked like asleep.

Q: How many blondes does it take to make a circuit?
A: Two: one to stand in the bathtub, and another to pass him the blow
dryer!

Q: What happened to the blonde ice hockey team?
A: They drowned in Spring training.

Q: How do you recognize a blonde at a car wash?
A: He's the one on his bike.

Q: Why did the blonde quit his job as a restroom attendant?
A: He couldn't figure out how to refill the hand dryer.

Q: What do you call blonde twins doing bubble gum commercials?
A: Double-dumb

Q: How can you tell if a blonde has been using your lawnmower?
A: The green WELCOME mat is ripped all to shreds.

Q: How can you tell which tricycle belongs to the blonde?
A: It is the one with the kickstand.

Q: What do you call an all-blonde skydiving team?
A: A new version of the Lawn Darts game.

Q: Why did the blonde take his new scarf back to the store?
A: It was too tight

Q: Did you hear about the blonde who gave his cat a bath?
A: He still hasn't gotten all the hair off his tongue.

Q: Did you hear about the blonde who thought he discovered that he had a
twin brother?
A: He didn't realize he was looking in a mirror.

Q: Why can't blondes take coffee breaks?
A: They're too hard to re-train.
Q: Did you hear about the blonde who never learned to water ski?
A: He couldn't find a lake with a slope.
Q: What are two blondes doing in front of a motorcycle?
A: Arguing about who is going to sit by the window.

Q: What did the Blond get on her IQ test?
A: Drule

Q: What is similar in a Smart Blond and a Alien???
A: You hear about them but you never see them...

Q: What Is A Blonde's Most Frequently Used 4 Letter Word?
A: NEXT!

Q: What do you call a smart blond?
A: Endangered species

Q: What do you call a movie about a man trying to make a blond smart
A: Mission Impossible

Q: Two blondes are walking down the sidewalk when a man walks up and ask
are you sisters?
A: They both start laughing and the one says no were not even catholic.

Q: Why do blondes wear green lip stick?
A: Because red means stop!

A blond is in an elevator when a man walks in the blond looks at him and
says "t-g-i-f"
The man looks at her and replied"s-h-i-t"(letters only)
The blond is very confused at this point and try to explain "t-g-i-f
thank god it's Friday"
The man smiles and says"s-h-i-t sorry Hun it's Thursday"

Q: How can you tell if a blond has been at a computer?
A: There is rat poison beside the mouse.

Q: Do you know how to make a blonde go crazy?
A: Put her in a round room and tell her to go pee in a corner!

Q: Why are Blonde jokes so dumb??
A: Well so men can understand them

Q: How did the blond commit suicide?
A: She gathered all of her clothes into a pile and jumped off.

A blond scientists wants to determine how far a frog can jump. So she
gets a frog and commands it to jump. At once the frog jumps. The blond
measures and rights in here journal : frog with four legs jumps 8 feet.
Then she cuts of the two front legs of the frog. She commands it to
jump. The frog struggles a bit but manages to jump. She rights in her
journal : frog with two legs jumps 3 feet. Once more she cuts of the
other two legs. She commands the frog to jump but it just sits there.
Then the blond wrights : frog with no legs losses hearing.

Q: Why did the blond prostitute think she was a poet?
A: Because she layed and he paid

Q: What do you call 9 blondes in a circle?
A: A dope ring.

Q: Why can't blondes be pharmacists?
Because they can't figure out how to fit the bottle in the typewriter.

Q: How many blonds does it take to screw in alight bulb?
A: 1 blonds will screw any thing.
Q: How do you confuse a blond?
A: Put her in a circular room and tell her to pee in the corner.

Q: What is the difference between a dead snake in the road and a dead
blond in the road?
A: There's skid marks before the snake

Q: How do you tell if a blond girl has a blond boy friend?
A: Her belly button's black and blue

Q: What is the difference between Jupiter and a blonds head
A: Jupiter isn't hollow

Q: What does a blonde do every morning when she looks in the mirror.
A: She introduces her self.

She was so blond that she tried to commit suicide by jumping out of the
basement window

Q: What do you call a blonde standing on her head?
A: A brunette with bad breath!!

Q: Why Did The Blond Have Lipstick On Her Steering Wheel?
A: She Tried To Blow The Horn

Q: Why does a blond wear a tight skirt
A: To keep here legs closed

Q: what's the difference between a blond and a washing machine?
A: You can drop your load in a washer and it won't follow you around you
for a week

Q: What is a blonde's favorite part of a gas station?
A: The Air Pump!

Q:Did you here about the blonde who shot an arrow into the air?
A: She missed.

Q: Why don't blondes have elevator jobs?
A: They don't know the route.

Q: Why did god give blonds 2% more brains than horses?
A: Because he didn't want them ****ting in the streets during parades.

Q: What do you call a blonde with ESP and PMS?
A: A know-it-all *****.

Q: What's the disease that paralyzes blondes below the waist?
A: Marriage.

Q: What does a blonde say when you blow in their ear?
A: "Thanks for the refill!"

Q: Why do blondes have more fun?
A: Because they don't know any better.

Q: What do you call 15 blondes in a circle?
A: A dope ring.

Q: What did the blonde's mom say to her before the blonde's date?
A: If you're not in bed by 12, come home.

Q: What did the blonde say when asked if she'd ever been picked up by
"the fuzz"?
A: "No. But I've been swung around by the tits."

Q: What did the blonde name her pet zebra?
A: Spot.

Q: What is more stupid then a brunette trying to start a fire in a pool?
A: A blonde trying to put it out.

Q: Why did the blonde give up snorting coke?
A: Because the bottle was to hard to get up her nose.
Q: How do you know if someone is a true blonde or a fake?
A: Ask them what color they use, if they give you crayons, there blond.

Q: Why did they stop the wave at sporting events?
A: To many blonds drown.

Q: Why was the blond smiling when it was lighting?
A: She thought someone was taking her picture.

Q: What do you call an all blond baseball team?
A: Triple play

Q: How do you know if a blond has used the microwave.
A: She's burnt and thinks she has a sun burn!

Q: What's the difference between a blond and a mosquito?
A: When you slap the mosquito, it stops sucking.

Q: What do blonds and beer bottles have in common?
A: They are both empty from the neck up.

Q: What do smart blondes and UFO's have in common?
A: You always hear about them but you never see them.

Q: Why does it take so long to make a blonde snowman as opposed to a
regular one?
A: You have to hollow out the head.

Q: What happened to the blonde ice hockey team?
A: They drowned during spring training

Q: What do a bowling ball and a blonde have in common?
A: You pick them up, throw them in the gutter, and they come back for
more

Q: Why do blondes have TGIF on their shirts?
A: Tits Go In Front.

Q: What do you call a brunette with a blonde on either side?
A: An interpreter.

Q: What do you call a blonde between two brunettes?
A: A mental block.

Q: What do you say to a blonde that won't give in?
A: "Have another beer."

Q: What's the first thing a blonde does in the morning?
A: Introduces them self.

Q: What is it called when a blonde blows in another blonde's ear?
A: Data transfer.

Q: Why did the blonde scale the glass wall?
A: To see what was on the other side.

Q: What happens when a blonde gets Alzheimer s disease?
A: Her IQ goes up!

Q: What is the difference between a smart blonde and Big foot?
A: Big foot has been spotted.

Q: What do you get when you offer a blonde a penny for her thoughts?
A: Change.

Q: What did the blonde say to the physicist?
A: "Why, I just _love_ nuclear fission! What do you use for bait?"

Q: How do you drive a blonde crazy?
A: Give her a bag of M&Ms and tell her to alphabetize them.

Q: What's the difference between a blonde and a shopping cart?
A: The shopping cart has a mind of its own.

Q: What goes VROOM, SCREECH,VROOM, SCREECH,VROOM, SCREECH?
A: A blonde going through a flashing red light.

Q: What do you call a blonde in an institution of higher learning?
A: A visitor.

Q: Why did the blonde take her typewriter to the doctor?
A: She thought it was pregnant because it missed a period.

Q: Why was the blonde upset when she got her Driver's License?
A: Because she got an F in sex.

Q: Why do blondes wear panties?
A: To keep their ankles warm.

Q: Why do blonds stick there heads out of the window of a moving car
A: To fill up

Q: How can you tell when a blond was baking chocolate chip cookies?
A: When you find M'n M shells on the floor

Q: What do you do when a Blond throws you a grenade?
A: Pick it up, pull the pin and through back

There are 99 Blonds on a plane and 1 Brunette. The captain radios in
that they are going down, So they drop all the luggage. They were still
going down so they drop out all the chairs. They were still going down
so they dropped the floor. So they are hanging by there hands from the
top on the plane with no floor. So the captain say's "1 person jump out"
the Brunette say's "I'll sacrifice my life", and all the Blonds start
clapping.
Q: How does a blond commit suicide?
A: Jumps out the basement window.

A Blond was riding a horse. Than suddenly the horse started to go faster
and faster. At last she screamed "HELP!!!!" Than the store manager came
out and unplugged it.

Q: What did the blond say when she opened a box of Cheerios?
A: Oh! look donut seeds

Q: How do you get a twinkle in a blonds eyes?
A: Shine a flash light through her ear.

There were two blondes on opposite sides of a river. One yells across to
the other: "Hey how do I get across the river?" The blond replies: "Why
do you want to know? You're already there!"

Q: Why are there so many blonde jokes?
A: Because redheads and brunettes have to have something to do on the
weekends

Q: Have you heard Benjamin Moore came out with a new paint color called
"blond"?
A: It's not too bright but it spreads real easy.

Q: What's the similarity between a blond and a postage stamp?
A: You lick 'em, stick 'em, and send them on their way...

Q: Why do blonds climb chain-link fences?
A: To see what's on the other side.

Q: When is it okay to shoot a blond in the head?
A: When you have a tire pump nearby to re inflate it.

Q: Why can't blonds water ski ?
A: When ever they get wet they lay down and spread there legs.

Q: Why is a blonde's coffin y-shaped?
A: B/c she is so used to having her legs spread.

Q: What is the definition of eternity?
A: Four blondes at a four way stop.

Q: id you hear about the blonde who won the gold medal at the Olympics?
A: She had it bronzed.

Q: Did you hear about the blonde prisoner who was found in his cell with
half a dozen bumps on his head?
A: He tried to hang himself with a bungee cord.

Q: Why can't blondes make ice cubes?
A: They always forget the recipe.

Q: Why do blondes have more fun?
A: They are easier to keep amused.

Q: How did the blonde explain how his helicopter crashed?
A: He said it was getting cold, so he turned off the ceiling fan.

Q: How can you tell which tricycle belongs to the blonde?
A: It is the one with the kickstand.

Q: Why did it take the blonde a whole week to wash three basement
windows?
A: It took him six days just to dig the holes to put the ladder in.

Q: Did you hear about the blonde who just bought an A.M. radio?
A: It took him two weeks to figure out that you could play it at night.

Q: How many blonds does it take to make Chocolate Chip Cookies?
A: 5, 1 to mix the batter and 4 to squeeze the rabbit.

Q: How do you know if a Blond has been drinking?
A: She's walking in a straight line

Q: What do you get when you cross a blonde and a lawyer?
A: I don't know, there are some things even a blonde won't do.

Q: How do you plant dope?
A: Bury a blonde.

Q: How does a blonde get pregnant?
A: And I thought blondes were dumb!

Q: How do you confuse a blonde?
A: You don't. They're born that way.

Q: How did the blonde die drinking milk?
A: The cow fell on her.

Q: How did the blonde burn her nose?
A: Bobbing for french fries.

Q: How can you tell if a blonde writes mysteries?
A: She has a checkbook.

Q: What do you call a blonde wearing a leather jacket on a motorcycle?
A: Rebel without a clue.

Q: What does a blonde make best for dinner?
A: reservations.

Q: How can you tell if a blonde is a good cook?
A: She gets the pop tarts out of the toaster in one piece.

Q: WHY DOES A BLONDE ONLY CHANGE HER BABIES DIAPER ONCE A MONTH???
A: BECAUSE THE BOX SAYS GOOD FOR UP TO 30 POUNDS..

Q: Why did the blonde get fired from the M&M factory
A: She threw away all the W's.

Q: How do you make a blonde laugh on Monday
A: You tell them a joke on Friday.

Q: How do you hit a blonde and she will never know it
A: With a thought!

Q: Why did the blonde keep failing her driver's test?
A: Because every time the door opened, she jumped into the back seat.

Q: What's five miles long and has an IQ of forty?
A: A blonde parade.

Q: WHY DON'T BLONDES BREAST FEED THEIR BABIES?
A: It hurts too much when they boil their nipples.

Q: What's the difference between a blonde having her period and a
terrorist?
A: You can negotiate with a terrorist

Q: What's the definition of eternity?
A: 4blondes at a 4 way stop.

Q: Why do blondes have TGIF on their shoes?
A: "Toe goes in first".

Wow! I couldn't read all that, not enough time

And I JUST highlighted my hair!!!