Refugee Housing Section
United Nations
New York

Dear Sir/Madam,

As part of the United Nations policy of fostering world understanding and aiding the current refugee situation, your home, along with many others has been selected for a billet for a family of recently arrived Asians. These unfortunate people will be guests in your home for the next six months.

This period of time will allow them to adapt to our way of life with a modicum of comfort and security. We are sure that you will appreciate that these people have suffered a great deal of upheaval and physical deprivation, and we would be grateful if you would do everything in your power to make their stay in your home as pleasant as possible. This will mean one or two minor changes in your home and personal habits to make the transition as smooth as possible.

Your family are the Ghupta Singhs and comprise of Mr Ghupta Singh, his three wives, two of whom are heavy with child, eleven children, (Six boys and five girls); the senior wifes lame, blind brother, both sets of grandparents and two Brahmin bulls. The bulls are sacred beasts to the Ghupta Singhs, and it is imperative that they be accommodated in a heated garage, and are allowed to roam freely both indoors and out. The bulls diet is to consist of pampas grass, melons and fried bananas with figs and garlic. We trust that this will not be too expensive, but sadly, as yet, there is no funding for animal feeds at this time. One other small point on the financial front. Social security for the family will be delayed for at least 5 months, so it would be a nice gesture if you were able to slip the family a couple of hundred dollars a week until their cheque comes through.

As a matter of religious protocol the bulls droppings must be left where they fall for three days and nights before removal. You are advised that infringement of this important rule will seriously upset the feelings of your guests.

To aid you in establishing your family guests we are forwarding;

a. 50kg Madras Curry Powder.
b. 12 cases of chapattis.

c. 10kg Dried Stock Fish.

d. United Nations Pamphlet 72 ‘Causes and cures for enteritis and Dysentry’

e. 24 pairs Bicycle clips.

f. 200 Toilet Rolls

The Ethnic Harmony Department feels that it is essential that you have a basic grasp of Urdu, and a home study package for this fascinating language will be provided for all members of your household. In the meantime however, here are a couple of day to day phrases that you may need an early understanding of:

a. Naya dedhai buttollho. – Please change my underpants at once.

b. Hapandharsi sesma qurhulo – The toilet is blocked again. Please dig it out as there is a queue forming.

c. Cajahatma menahli brahm nestralda – The bulls are crapping on the bed again.

d.Ghuilo sebafto pomuri lamhuko – Dads leprosy has erupted again.


We hope that we may reply on your public spirited acceptance of, and compliance with these instructions.
The Ghupta Singhs arrive a week on Wednesday.

Yours Sincerely

Winston Umbulu
United Nations Refugee Officer.

Holy crap. I almost filled me pants.

bull **** and absolutely rdidiculous grow up we did but we want u to be also

Q. Who is the GM of Hewlett Packard (hp) ?

A. Rajiv Gupta




Q. Who is the creator of Pentium chip (needs no introduction as 90% of the today's computers run on it)?
A. Vinod Dahm


Q. Who is the third richest man on the world?
A. According to the latest report on Fortune Magazine, it is Azim Premji, who is the CEO of Wipro Industries. The Sultan of Brunei is at 6 th position now.

Q. Who is the founder and creator of Hotmail (Hotmail is world's No.1 web based email program)?
A. Sabeer Bhatia

Q. Who is the president of AT & T-Bell Labs (AT & T-Bell Labs is the creator of program languages such as C, C++, Unix to name a few)?
A. Arun Netravalli



Q. Who is the new MTD (Microsoft Testing Director) of Windows 2000, responsible to iron out all initial problems?


A. Sanjay Tejwrika




Q. Who are the Chief Executives of CitiBank, Mckensey & Stanchart?
A. Victor Menezes, Rajat Gupta, and Rana Talwar.

Q. We Indians are the wealthiest among all ethnic groups in America , even faring better than the whites and the natives.
There are 3.22 millions of Indians in USA (1.5% of population). YET,
38% of doctors in USA are Indians.


12% scientists in USA are Indians.
36% of NASA scientists are Indians.


34% of Microsoft employees are Indians.
28% of IBM employees are Indians.
17% of INTEL scientists are Indians.
13% of XEROX employees are! Indians.


Some of the following facts may be known to you. These facts were recently published in a German magazine, which deals with WORLD HISTORY FACTS ABOUT INDIA .
1. India never invaded any country in her last 1000 years of history.
2. India invented the Number system. Zero was invented by Aryabhatta.
3. The world's first University was established in Takshila in 700BC. More than 10,500 students from all over the world studied more than 60 subjects. The University of Nalanda built in the 4 th century BC was one of the greatest achievements of ancient India in the field of education.
4. According to the Forbes magazine, Sanskrit is the most suitable language for computer software.

5. Ayurveda is the earliest school of medicine known to humans.
6. Although western media portray modern images of India as poverty striken and underdeveloped through political corruption, India was once the richest empire on earth.

7. The art of navigation was born in the river Sindh 5000 years ago. The very word 'Navigation' is derived from the Sanskrit word NAVGATIH.
8. The value of pi was first calculated by Budhayana, and he explained the concept of what is now k! nown as the Pythagorean Theorem. British scholars have officially published that Budhayan's works in 1999 which dates to the 6 th Century which is long before the European mathematicians.

9. Algebra, trigonometry and calculus came from India . Quadratic equations were by Sridharacharya in the 11 th Century; the largest numbers the Greeks and the Romans used were 106 whereas Indians used numbers as big as 10 53.
10.. According to the Gemmological Institute of America, up until 1896, India was the only source of diamonds to the world.

11. USA based IEEE has proved what has been a century-old suspicion amongst academics that the pioneer of wireless communication was Professor Jagdeesh Bose and not Marconi.
12. The earliest reservoir and dam for irrigation was built in Saurashtra.

13. Chess was invented in India .


14. Sushruta is the father of surgery. 2600 years ago he and health scientists of his time conducted surgeries like cesareans, cataract, fractures and urinary stones.. Usage of anaesthesia was well known in ancient India .
15. When many cultures in the world were only nomadic forest dwellers over 5000 years ago, Indians established Harappan culture in Sindhu Valley ( Indus Valley Civilisation).
16. The place value system, the decimal system was developed in India in 100 BC.


Quotes about India .


We owe a lot to the Indians, who taught us how to count, without which no worthwhile scientific discovery could have been made.
Albert Einstein.




India is the cradle of the human race, the birthplace of human speech, the mother of history, the grandmother of legend and the great grand mother of tradition.
Mark Twain.



If there is one place on the face of earth where all dreams of living men have found a home from the very earliest days when man began the dream of existence, it is India .
French scholar Romain Rolland.



India conquered and dominated China culturally for 20 centuries without ever having to send a single soldier across her border.
Hu Shih


(former Chinese ambassador to USA )




ALL OF THE ABOVE IS JUST THE TIP OF THE ICEBERG, THE LIST COULD BE ENDLESS.

That is what india stands for so clear up your misconceptions about it

IT'S A JOKE FOR GOD'S SAKE:

WHERE is your sense of humour?

He lost it when the family bull crapped in the wrong bed.


Dude, if you had READ the damn bulletin, you would clearly see it says NO OFFENSE.

I'm a Jew and I have yet to take offense from any Jewish jokes around here.

Get over it.

Besides, Israel can kick India's a$$ any day when it comes to the stuff you are talking about. Google that.

Other than that, UK, fine job! I laughed all the way through it!

I

Never

Directly (Or indirectly for that matter)

Insult

Anyone

THAT'S what INDIA means

i am sorry about my reaction i realise now that i felt more offended rather than laughing of at that joke

No Offense just realised that my reaction was not in the best spirit,by the way this one is for you

Q: Why did the Jews walk around the desert for forty years?
A: They heard that someone dropped a quarter

*A Jewish boy comes home from school and tells his mother he's been given a part in the school play.
*"Wonderful. What part is it?"
*The boy says,"I play the part of the Jewish husband."
*The mother scowls and says, "Go back and tell the teacher you want a speaking part."

there was nothing remotely funny about your offensive piece..if making fun of other ethnicities is how low you have to go to get a laugh, then I feel for you and anyone who thought this trash was "funny"

OK! Now THAT is funny!

Explain how that is funny but the other is not? They are both degrading other races.

Think before you speak, my dear. Don't condemn one joke only to laugh and encourage the other.

They are both wrong, but both are meant to be taken lightly.

I didn't mean that the former wasn't funny. I just really thought yours was funnier. I've heard so many degrading jokes to my own culture and rarely think anything of it. It's all in good fun right? No harm in playful jokes