What are the signs of spousal abuse????

No one believes that a man can be abused it seems. Do ya'll think it can happen?? And if so, what form can it take??

I THINK I may have been being abused for YEARS now and just recognizing it over the last year or two.

This is the area that I work in, if you want more information please send me an email.

Taken from: http://www.helpguide.org/mental/domestic_violence_abuse_types_signs_causes_effects.htm

Spousal abuse and battery are used for one purpose: to gain and maintain total control over the victim. In addition to physical violence, abusers use the following tactics to exert power over their wives or partners:

Dominance — Abusive individuals need to feel in charge of the relationship. They will make decisions for you and the family, tell you what to do, and expect you to obey without question. Your abuser may treat you like a servant, child, or even as his possession.
Humiliation — An abuser will do everything he can to make you feel bad about yourself, or defective in some way. After all, if you believe you're worthless and that no one else will want you, you're less likely to leave. Insults, name-calling, shaming, and public put-downs are all weapons of abuse designed to erode your self-esteem and make you feel powerless.
Isolation — In order to increase your dependence on him, an abusive partner will cut you off from the outside world. He may keep you from seeing family or friends, or even prevent you from going to work or school. You may have to ask permission to do anything, go anywhere, or see anyone. Source: Domestic Abuse Intervention Project, MN
Threats — Abusers commonly use threats to keep their victims from leaving or to scare them into dropping charges. Your abuser may threaten to hurt or kill you, your children, other family members, or even pets. He may also threaten to commit suicide, file false charges against you, or report you to child services.
Intimidation — Your abuser may use a variety of intimation tactics designed to scare you into submission. Such tactics include making threatening looks or gestures, smashing things in front of you, destroying property, hurting your pets, or putting weapons on display. The clear message is that if you don't obey, there will be violent consequences.
Denial and blame — Abusers are very good at making excuses for the inexcusable. They will blame their abusive and violent behavior on a bad childhood, a bad day, and even on the victims of their abuse. Your abuser may minimize the abuse or deny that it occurred. He will commonly shift the responsibility onto you: Somehow, his violence and abuse is your fault.
Cycle of violence
Domestic abuse falls into a common pattern, or cycle of violence:

Abuse — The abuser lashes out with aggressive or violent behavior. The abuse is a power play designed to show the victim "who is boss."
Guilt — After the abusive episode, the abuser feels guilt, but not over what he's done to the victim. The guilt is over the possibility of being caught and facing consequences.
Rationalization or excuses — The abuser rationalizes what he's done. He may come up with a string of excuses or blame the victim for his own abusive behavior—anything to shift responsibility from himself.
"Normal" behavior — The abuser does everything he can to regain control and keep the victim in the relationship. He may act as if nothing has happened, or he may turn on the charm. This peaceful honeymoon phase may give the victim hope that the abuser has really changed this time.
Fantasy and planning — The abuser begins to fantasize about abusing his victim again, spending a lot of time thinking about what she's done wrong and how he'll make her pay. Then he makes a plan for turning the fantasy of abuse into reality.
Set-up — The abuser sets up the victim and puts his plan in motion, creating a situation where he can justify abusing her.

Anyone regardless of gender think or are being abused by a partner please seek help!

http://www.ndvh.org/

1-800-799-SAFE (7233)
1-800-787-3224 (TTY)

I see a big problem in this article. It is mainly representing the male as the abuser. I find this scary in today’s society; they still only believe that males are the abusers. Not so, when in fact more women are abusing men and children, since most of the courts have closed eyes on abuse, in respect that women cannot do this. This is sad; I was married and mentally abused for years. She was controlling and cleaver on how she did it.

in my line of work i see male victims just as much as female, and the messed up part is the males are always peged as the bad guy because girls can be clever. and mental abuse is sometimes far worse then physical. contact your local PD thy can give you hotline numbers to call and seek help. best of luck my friend

This is kinda what I'm running across.....That's why I've asked people that may have "been there". Most authorities don't recognize that men are abused too. Just a different way.

Slowly but surely law enforcement is being trained to recognize abuse on males by females. It's a slow process but it is happening. In California women get booked for domestic violence all the time as it is a mandatory booking if their is even a scratch or red mark on the other party. No one goes to jail for mental or emotional abuse.

The above information applies to both abusers, male and female. I am an advocate for domestic violence and my area of interest is in the LBGT community and where males are vicitims.

mental abuse knows no gender.and can be just as damaging as physical abuse attacking someones self worth self esteem and mental state can leave scars that last a life time.

Mental and emotional abuse are much more damaging with long term effects than physical abuse. Of course, there is rarely physical abuse with mental abuse as well.

I'd rather be hit then mental abuse,


that' is just wrong,

All abusers are clever, that's how they get away with it most of the time. It's not gender specific in anyway.

I have worked for years with the Battered Women's Shelter of Akron, as both fund raising and in a counseling role.

The signs of abuse are very diverse, but one vein is that there is control and domination to the other party. It can be financial, emotional and physical, but usually a combination of at least 2 of them.

Do they try to alienate you from your friends and family?
Do they profusely appologize after an "incident" and promise to change?
do they seem like pillars of the community or their family, but behind closed doors the dark side comes out?
Do they use sex, or emotional intimacy as a tool for obedience?

There is a great book it's called " Stop Walking on Egg Shells" by Randi Kregger, it's more for people who live with a spouse with BPD, but alot of it applies to people who abuse also. It's a good book, I highly recomend it.