I see many people here give the advice of " You have to let go of your past " and that statement kinda bothers me. It seems that they just don't understand the magnitude of what they are telling folks to do.

Think about this for a second...

If someone " let's go " of their past. isn't that letting go of who they actually are? Don't past experiences play heavily into who we have become?

To tell someone to " let go of " the past, the insinuation is that you would disregard all of those experiences in favor of starting fresh.

That may sound like a good idea, but if you think about it, it's really not a very good idea at all.

Ladies, if you were in a relationship where the man you were with had been physically or mentally abusive, would you not allow that past experience to help you judge whether the next guy is going to be the same way?

Guys. If your former g/f turned out to be nothing more than a gold digger, would you not keep an eye out for signs of that with the next one based on your past experience?

There is no way to truly " let go " of the past. The past is too large a part of who we are and also WHY we are the way we are.

I think it would be much more accurate to say " get over " the past, rather than telling someone to let it go.

I have been away for a few days, and this is something that struck me a couple of days ago. Just wanted to get it out there. :-)

you can move on, but you should not forget

you have learned a lesson in what has happened to you in your past and it has made you the person you are today, helped you to grow, hopefully...

so I say you can forgive and move on, but never forget

you don't want to keep making the same mistakes...

We can "let go of the past" but cant forget it ever happened.

That is exactly what I am talking about.

I think what people really mean, and a more accurate way of saying it is: Let go of the pain in your past.

I agree. Forgetting is a mistake.

I have had a rough past. I don't wanna forget it or let go. I know beyond the shadow of a doubt that "that which does not kill us just makes us stronger" and makes us the people we are today.

Yes, I would hope I could WORK THROUGH things in order to get to a good relationship again, but the past gives us lessons and can also tend to raise up old fears that need to be dealt with, not suppressed.

I agree! I believe your past experiences play an essential part of who we are. I believe in taking what we have learned to portray it in everyday life as well as letting go of the pain associated with it.

But advising someone to let go of the pain is a different animal than advising them to let go of the past itself.

That was more along the lines of what I was getting at.

If we didn't USE the past, we would never learn anything and we would keep making the same mistakes over and over again.

I think somtimes hanging on to the past with some situations will stop you from growing. people tend to go over things over and over and over. The question is. What are you actually learing from that?

I think you are far more likely to repeat the past if you forget the things that have happened to you.

I'll put it this way. I have had some really awful stuff happen to me in past relationships.

Now, using the things that have happened to me previously, I know more of what to look for and what to avoid.

That doesn't mean I am holding onto my past. It only means that I am being more selective because of it.

I think we are all saying the same thing here.

Your past is part of who u are, but if u hang on too hard to the emotional scars you will never be able to move on and make a happy life for yourself.
So learn from the mistakes/trauma of the past, but pull yourself up and start over as best u can.
The other option is to stop growing by living in the pain of the past experiences.

But wouldn't it be more accurate to tell them to " get over " the past then??

Sorry. I don't really mean to sound like I am being confrontational.

I agree, but some times i see the part ware people are going over things and not learing from it. It's good to have an idea of whats ahead so you can make your choice on what direction you might go with things. Although, your question can go both ways, just hope for the better.

I think what they really mean is don't let the bad experiences of the past control what happens in your future. Own your past, but don't let it own you.

I would agree with that assessment. I was just pointing out something that didn't seem quite right to me and I wanted to see what others thought.

Thanks everyone. :-)