- the finance committee refuses to provide funds for the purchase of a chandelier because none of the members knows how to play one.

- people ask, when they learn that Jesus fed the 5000, whether the two fish were bass or catfish, and what bait was used to catch 'em.

- the pastor says, "I'd like to ask Bubba to help take up the offering," five guys and two women stand up.

- opening day of deer season is recognized as an official church holiday.

- a member of the church requests to be buried in his 4-wheel-drive truck because "It ain't never been in a hole it couldn't get out of."

- the choir is known as the "OK Chorale."

- in a congregation of 500 members, there are only seven last names in the church directory.

- people think "rapture" is what you get when you lift something too heavy.

- the baptismal pool is a #2 galvanized "Wheeling" washtub.

- the choir robes were donated by and embroidered with the logo from Billy Bob's Barbecue.

- the collection plates are really hubcaps from a '56 Chevy.

- instead of a bell you are called to service by a duck call.

- the minister and his wife drive matching pickup trucks.

- the communion wine is Boone's Farm "Tickled Pink".

- "Thou shall not covet" applies to huntin' dogs, too.

- the final words of the benediction are, "Y'all come back now, Ya hear."

I love those and that red neck letter...i am writing this slow because I know you do not read that fast...