Topic: Marriage under False Pretenses ?
no photo
Mon 07/28/08 01:30 PM
Edited by debbie1980 on Mon 07/28/08 01:30 PM



She completely lied to him. He has the right to decide whether or not he still wanted to marry her if he couldn't have children. She took his right to choose away. She took away his right to have children or at least decide whether or not he wanted them. To me... she's a liar and cheated her way into this marriage. I would be filing for divorce. Not because she can't have children, but that she lied about it and purposly deceived him.


im with you there jill.

this is why i did that thread earlier, i said i would be upfront and tell him straight away theres a possibilty i may not be able to have kids, and my chances are lower. i could never lie like that lady has done. thats sick explode explode
agreed. If you can't have children or you didn't know you couldn't, or it's difficult for you to get pregnant, that's an entirely different story. She totally deceived him. He shouldn't have to pay the rest of his life by not having a family because he was tricked in vows that obviously meant nothing to her.


i totally agree. watch she did is unforgivable. i mean i might be able to have kids, but i always say it might not happen just incase, i would hate to give a man false hopes. you need to be straight from the beggining.

SuperMom30's photo
Mon 07/28/08 01:31 PM


I would suggest talking to their Pastor if they go to church. If not, marriage counseling is always a good option. There are ways to get around the kids issue, however there are some underlying issues that need to be addressed. I would not suggest a divorce. That should ALWAYS be the last resort. I am divorced and was willing to talk to the Pastor and/or get marriage counseling, my ex, the deceiver, was not interested in either. Which at that point a divorce was necessary. Please don't disregard the sacred vows of marriage.
you mean the vows she tricked him into??? That she's not taking so sacred? What if he had not wanted to get married to her and make those vows if he had known she purposly had surgery to prevent pregnancy?


I am sure he didn't marry her just for having children. We don't know EVERYTHING about the situation. Only they do. I am merely saying, that people are so quick to get divorces these days and not work on their problems. Divorce is NOT an easy way out. Staying in the marriage may not be easy either, but counseling in some form is better than just throwing in the towel at the first sign of trouble!

no photo
Mon 07/28/08 01:33 PM
if i was a man, and a women did that to me, i would 100 percent get a divorce, i could never trust her again, when the trust as gone so has everything else

Jill298's photo
Mon 07/28/08 01:36 PM
Edited by Jill298 on Mon 07/28/08 01:37 PM
I am in no way saying divorce should always be your first option. I agree people are way to quick to file for divorce than work on their marriage. And I am sure he didn't ONLY marry her for having children. However... she led him to believe she could have children and he could be a father at some point. She purposly deceived him. I would not want to be married to someone that purposly deceived me, especially on such an important life altering issue as becoming a parent. He had the right to know before he married her and she held it from him. She took his right to be a father away from him without his consent. To me... that is just unforgivable.

no photo
Mon 07/28/08 01:38 PM

I am in no way saying divorce should always be your first option. I agree people are way to quick to file for divorce than work on their marriage. And I am sure he didn't ONLY marry her for having children. However... she led him to believe she could have children and he could be a father at some point. She purposly deceived him. I would not want to be married to someone that purposly deceived me, especially on such an important life altering issue as becoming a parent. He had the right to know before he married her and she held it from him. She took his right to be a father away from him without his consent. To me... that is just unforgivable.



that was my exact word. UNFORGIVEABLE i totally agree

Jill298's photo
Mon 07/28/08 01:42 PM
Edited by Jill298 on Mon 07/28/08 01:47 PM
Just so I'm clear... I have always been one to say you should always work on your relationships. You should put forth every effort possible. I think divorce in this country is way to easy to get. It should be harder to get married than it is to get divorced quite honestly. But she totally lied to him before they were married. He signed a contract and she withheld the terms... Now he shouldn't have to pay the rest of his life because she refused to be honest with him BEFORE they were married. She did NOT have the right to make this choice for him.

RoamingOrator's photo
Mon 07/28/08 01:52 PM
It seems the women on here are pretty worked up about this, either to one side or the other. Me, I think she has violated his trust, and put a pattern of deception into the relationship. But I'd never even consider a divorce if I got married, I'm old fashioned, I'll mean it when I say "for better or for worse."


SO, where does this leave us? I'd tell your cousin to have kids and stay married. Oh he might not be able to have them by his wife, but she's the one that established a pattern of lying, he might as well use it as well. Turn about is fair play, and at least he would somewhat honest (he could always say "I told you I wanted kids). This is how relationships were worked out before the age of "let me get my lawyer."

itsmetina's photo
Mon 07/28/08 01:56 PM
i'd say so

no photo
Mon 07/28/08 01:58 PM

Marriage should be based on trust. She puropsly hid this from him because she had suspicions he may not marry her had he known. How can he possibly trust her now?? What she did was just plain wrong and cruel.



Just so I'm clear... I have always been one to say you should always work on your relationships. You should put forth every effort possible. I think divorce in this country is way to easy to get. It should be harder to get married than it is to get divorced quite honestly. But she totally lied to him before they were married. He signed a contract and she withheld the terms... Now he shouldn't have to pay the rest of his life because she refused to be honest with him BEFORE they were married. She did NOT have the right to make this choice for him.



drinker drinker drinker drinker drinker

That was not simply a little slip of memory there, that was a HUGE deception on every level

TxsGal3333's photo
Mon 07/28/08 02:00 PM
It is sad that she deceived him in that way. But if she only had her tubes tied that can be reversed. But sounds like to me she does not want to have kids. How many kids does she already have? Normaly getting ones tubes tied you are required to have already been pregnant so many times. Of course there is adoption that can be considered. As far as what he does that all depends on how much he really loves her.

But that is a big trust issue she broke by not telling him the truth.noway

no photo
Mon 07/28/08 02:00 PM
Edited by ddn122 on Mon 07/28/08 02:00 PM
what a *itch!


adoption?

littleike's photo
Mon 07/28/08 02:00 PM

My cousin and his wife have been married for the past 2 years.

Recently she told him that it's not going to be possible to have children, and that several years before meeting him she had a surgery to prevent pregancy.

She knew he wanted kids, and kept this from him.

Should he be considering a divorce, are trying to find a way to put this behind them ?
in my opinion everyone gets a divorce now days as a easy out instead of sticking together. divorce is basicly for cowards who just want to quit and not try. all relationships have problems deal with them. what about the vows? is he just going to ignore them and toss them out the window/ no wonder everyone is scared of comitment. when things like this happen they divorce and are cowards and run away

rainysky39's photo
Mon 07/28/08 02:02 PM
This is ultimately his call depending on what he can or cant stand. She decieved him on alot of issues over a period of time. He has to decide if its a love worth saving and if she can be trusted in the long run over the course of the rest of his life.

no photo
Mon 07/28/08 02:02 PM
Edited by debbie1980 on Mon 07/28/08 02:04 PM


My cousin and his wife have been married for the past 2 years.

Recently she told him that it's not going to be possible to have children, and that several years before meeting him she had a surgery to prevent pregancy.

She knew he wanted kids, and kept this from him.

Should he be considering a divorce, are trying to find a way to put this behind them ?
in my opinion everyone gets a divorce now days as a easy out instead of sticking together. divorce is basicly for cowards who just want to quit and not try. all relationships have problems deal with them. what about the vows? is he just going to ignore them and toss them out the window/ no wonder everyone is scared of comitment. when things like this happen they divorce and are cowards and run away


BUT HE LIED ABOUT SOMETHING EXTREMLY IMPORTANT. I MEAN IS SHE LIED ABOUT THAT, WHAT IS SHE REALLY HIDING FROM HIM

SCURLOCK's photo
Mon 07/28/08 02:06 PM

I think he has to decide this for himself because he is the one that has to be comfortable with what he chooses.
this is so very true he has to live with this decision then she has to live with the deception of the lie she told him why would a person lie tot he one they love or intend to spend the rest of their lives with sad

no photo
Mon 07/28/08 02:08 PM
I think they need to buy a puppy!!!love

littleike's photo
Mon 07/28/08 02:08 PM

She completely lied to him. He has the right to decide whether or not he still wanted to marry her if he couldn't have children. She took his right to choose away. She took away his right to have children or at least decide whether or not he wanted them. To me... she's a liar and cheated her way into this marriage. I would be filing for divorce. Not because she can't have children, but that she lied about it and purposly deceived him.
were hearing what soposedly she did but theres 2 sides to a story

no photo
Mon 07/28/08 02:12 PM

I think they need to buy a puppy!!!love


awwwwwww flowerforyou

littleike's photo
Mon 07/28/08 02:14 PM



She completely lied to him. He has the right to decide whether or not he still wanted to marry her if he couldn't have children. She took his right to choose away. She took away his right to have children or at least decide whether or not he wanted them. To me... she's a liar and cheated her way into this marriage. I would be filing for divorce. Not because she can't have children, but that she lied about it and purposly deceived him.


im with you there jill.

this is why i did that thread earlier, i said i would be upfront and tell him straight away theres a possibilty i may not be able to have kids, and my chances are lower. i could never lie like that lady has done. thats sick explode explode
agreed. If you can't have children or you didn't know you couldn't, or it's difficult for you to get pregnant, that's an entirely different story. She totally deceived him. He shouldn't have to pay the rest of his life by not having a family because he was tricked in vows that obviously meant nothing to her.
its also his responsibility to get to know everything about her before getting married. if she lied wich has not been proven, he should of found out and investagate before getting married. divorce for no reason should ever be a option. we you get married it for life no matter what problem comes up

no photo
Mon 07/28/08 02:15 PM




She completely lied to him. He has the right to decide whether or not he still wanted to marry her if he couldn't have children. She took his right to choose away. She took away his right to have children or at least decide whether or not he wanted them. To me... she's a liar and cheated her way into this marriage. I would be filing for divorce. Not because she can't have children, but that she lied about it and purposly deceived him.


im with you there jill.

this is why i did that thread earlier, i said i would be upfront and tell him straight away theres a possibilty i may not be able to have kids, and my chances are lower. i could never lie like that lady has done. thats sick explode explode
agreed. If you can't have children or you didn't know you couldn't, or it's difficult for you to get pregnant, that's an entirely different story. She totally deceived him. He shouldn't have to pay the rest of his life by not having a family because he was tricked in vows that obviously meant nothing to her.
its also his responsibility to get to know everything about her before getting married. if she lied wich has not been proven, he should of found out and investagate before getting married. divorce for no reason should ever be a option. we you get married it for life no matter what problem comes up



OMG I CANT BELIEVE WHAT IM READING. I WILL REFRAIN FROM COMMENTING ON THIS ONE