It is time to do a comparison between two things treasured by men, beer and *****...

A beer is always wet.
A ***** needs encouragement.
Advantage: Beer.

A beer tastes horrible served hot.
A ***** tastes better served hot.
Advantage: *****.

Having an ice cold beer makes you satisfied.
Having an ice cold ***** makes you Hillary Clinton.
Advantage: Beer.

Beers have commercials making fun of skunky ones.
***** does not.
advantage: Tie

If you get a hair in your teeth
consuming *****, you are not disgusted.
Advantage: *****

24 beers come in a box.
A ***** is a box you can come in.
Advantage: *****

Too much head makes you mad at the
person giving you a beer.
Advantage: *****.

If a beer is brewed with yeast, it is
still edible.
Advantage: Beer.

If you come home smelling like beer,
your wife may get mad. If you come home
smelling like *****, she will definitely get mad.
Advantage: Beer.

6 beers in a night and you better not
drive. 6 pussies in a night and you
have done all the driving you need.
Advantage: *****

Buy too much beer and you will get fat.
Buy too much ***** and you will get poor.
Advantage: Tie

It is socially acceptable to have a beer in the stands at a football game.
You are a legend if you have a ***** in the stands at a football game.
Advantage: *****

If a cop smells beer on your breath,
you are going to get a breathalyzer.
If a cop smells ***** on your breath,
you are going to get a high five.
Advantage: *****

With beer, bigger is better.
Advantage: beer.

Wearing a condom does not make a beer
any less enjoyable.
Advantage: beer.

***** can make you see God. Beer can
make you see the porcelain god.
Advantage: *****

If you think all day about the next *****
you will have, you are normal.
If you think all day about your next beer,
you are an alcoholic.
Advantage: *****

Peeling labels off of beers is fun.
Peeling panties off of ***** is more fun.
Advantage: *****.

If you try to snag a beer at work,
you get fired. If you try to snag a *****
at work, you get hit with sexual harassment.
Advantage: Tie

If you suddenly drop a beer, it may
break. If you suddenly drop a *****,
it may hunt you down like the dog you are.
Advantage: Beer.

If you change to another beer, your
old brand will gladly have you back.
Advantage: Beer.

The best ***** you have ever had is
not gone once you have enjoyed it.
Advantage: *****.

The worst ***** you have ever had is
not gone once you have enjoyed it.
Advantage: Beer.

Bad beer: Schlitz, PBR, Old Swill.
Bad *****: Roseanne, Janet Reno, Madeline Albright.
Advantage: Tie

Good beer: Samuel Adams, Moosehead,
Pete's Wicked Winter Brew.
Good *****: Almost all but the above.
Advantage *****.

The government taxes beer.
Advantage: *****.