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Topic: VERBAL ABUSE IN RELATIONSHIPS
franshade Joined Tue 07/24/07 Posts: 24704	Thu 07/10/08 05:23 AM
Ordering is another classic form of verbal abuse. It denies the equality and autonomy of the partner. When an abuser gives orders instead of asking, he treats her like a slave or subordinate. Denial is the last category of verbal abuse. Although all forms of verbal abuse have serious consequences, denial can be very insidious because it denies the reality of the partner. In fact, a verbal abuser could read over this list of categories and insist that he is not abusive. The second is countering. This is the dominant response of the verbal abuser who sees his partner as an adversary. He is constantly countering and correcting everything she says and does. Internally he may even be thinking, "How dare she have a different view!" Abusers have a need to control others around them, break the cycle, stop the abuse! Remove yourself, love yourself, you are so worth it!!!

subaudible9 Joined Thu 04/03/08 Posts: 490	Thu 07/10/08 05:30 AM
so if someone is passive-aggressive, are they a verbal abuser?

tanyaann Joined Mon 12/03/07 Posts: 32220	Thu 07/10/08 05:46 AM
so if someone is passive-aggressive, are they a verbal abuser? yes that can be the case, women who are abusers typically are passive aggressive, more likely to throw things, use objects as weapons. If you want more information about women abusers, please send me an e-mail.

tanyaann Joined Mon 12/03/07 Posts: 32220	Thu 07/10/08 05:46 AM
Thank you, mz. fran for posting this!

anthsm22 Joined Mon 12/24/07 Posts: 727	Thu 07/10/08 05:47 AM
How about that......"HE" is listed once again as the abuser, and "SHE" is once again listed as the victim. How about saying "when one partner....... to the other partner......Yeah, I like that better Ordering is another classic form of verbal abuse. It denies the equality and autonomy of the partner. When an abuser gives orders instead of asking, he treats her like a slave or subordinate. Denial is the last category of verbal abuse. Although all forms of verbal abuse have serious consequences, denial can be very insidious because it denies the reality of the partner. In fact, a verbal abuser could read over this list of categories and insist that he is not abusive. The second is countering. This is the dominant response of the verbal abuser who sees his partner as an adversary. He is constantly countering and correcting everything she says and does. Internally he may even be thinking, "How dare she have a different view!" Abusers have a need to control others around them, break the cycle, stop the abuse! Remove yourself, love yourself, you are so worth it!!!

franshade Joined Tue 07/24/07 Posts: 24704	Thu 07/10/08 05:48 AM
{{{tanya}}} morning received this via email - and wanted to put it out there somewhere, someone is going thru this

lifestooshort6 Joined Mon 12/31/07 Posts: 6667	Thu 07/10/08 05:49 AM
How about that......"HE" is listed once again as the abuser, and "SHE" is once again listed as the victim. How about saying "when one partner....... to the other partner......Yeah, I like that better Ordering is another classic form of verbal abuse. It denies the equality and autonomy of the partner. When an abuser gives orders instead of asking, he treats her like a slave or subordinate. Denial is the last category of verbal abuse. Although all forms of verbal abuse have serious consequences, denial can be very insidious because it denies the reality of the partner. In fact, a verbal abuser could read over this list of categories and insist that he is not abusive. The second is countering. This is the dominant response of the verbal abuser who sees his partner as an adversary. He is constantly countering and correcting everything she says and does. Internally he may even be thinking, "How dare she have a different view!" Abusers have a need to control others around them, break the cycle, stop the abuse! Remove yourself, love yourself, you are so worth it!!! he's got a point, sometimes the female can be the abuser

franshade Joined Tue 07/24/07 Posts: 24704	Thu 07/10/08 05:51 AM
definitely - both men and women are the abusers and victims respectfully... I just copied the email and wanted to share it, made no changes to it. Not to be taken literally, just trying to provide input to someone in this situation.

tanyaann Joined Mon 12/03/07 Posts: 32220	Thu 07/10/08 05:51 AM
{{{tanya}}} morning received this via email - and wanted to put it out there somewhere, someone is going thru this There are lots of men and women everyday that live through this daily. There is help for both men and women that are being abused by an intimate partner. Just know that there is help and you can get out of the situations that you are in. Anyone that is in this situation and needs to talk to someone about there options can call 1-800-799-7233. Or I am willing to listen, just send me a message.

franshade Joined Tue 07/24/07 Posts: 24704	Thu 07/10/08 05:53 AM
thanks Tanya

tanyaann Joined Mon 12/03/07 Posts: 32220	Thu 07/10/08 05:54 AM
thanks Tanya well my calling is social work and my focus is on domestic violence where males are the victims and same-sex intimate partner violence

subaudible9 Joined Thu 04/03/08 Posts: 490	Thu 07/10/08 05:55 AM
Hence the reason why I asked the question Tanyaann. The premise always had "he" in it. anthsm22 stated it before I got to it. I am really glad both of the women responders saw it also. I have been a victim of it just because I didn't want to go to prison. You know, the woman is always right, correct?

lifestooshort6 Joined Mon 12/31/07 Posts: 6667	Thu 07/10/08 05:56 AM
definitely - both men and women are the abusers and victims respectfully... I just copied the email and wanted to share it, made no changes to it. Not to be taken literally, just trying to provide input to someone in this situation. Thanks for sharing this, I lived this for 17 years and I am thankful that people talk about these issues and make a point of stopping the cycle.

tanyaann Joined Mon 12/03/07 Posts: 32220	Thu 07/10/08 05:59 AM
Hence the reason why I asked the question Tanyaann. The premise always had "he" in it. anthsm22 stated it before I got to it. I am really glad both of the women responders saw it also. I have been a victim of it just because I didn't want to go to prison. You know, the woman is always right, correct? There is becoming more awareness as more and more men step forward to make police reports and protection orders. Initimate partner violence, domestic violence, relationship violence of any kind should be brought in the open, the longer someone hides in that type of relationship the worse it gets. Everyone is worth more than to be hit, slapped, punched, yelled at, raped, humiliated, or made to feel insane. There is a way out, even if you don't see one.

unsure Joined Wed 08/16/06 Posts: 4886	Thu 07/10/08 06:02 AM
How about that......"HE" is listed once again as the abuser, and "SHE" is once again listed as the victim. How about saying "when one partner....... to the other partner......Yeah, I like that better Ordering is another classic form of verbal abuse. It denies the equality and autonomy of the partner. When an abuser gives orders instead of asking, he treats her like a slave or subordinate. Denial is the last category of verbal abuse. Although all forms of verbal abuse have serious consequences, denial can be very insidious because it denies the reality of the partner. In fact, a verbal abuser could read over this list of categories and insist that he is not abusive. The second is countering. This is the dominant response of the verbal abuser who sees his partner as an adversary. He is constantly countering and correcting everything she says and does. Internally he may even be thinking, "How dare she have a different view!" Abusers have a need to control others around them, break the cycle, stop the abuse! Remove yourself, love yourself, you are so worth it!!! You are so correct on this but the problem is that most men won't tell. If they are the victim it is usually hid because of shame. I guess they don't feel like a man for letting a woman do this to them. It is a shame that anyone has to have such low self-esteem and bully someone else around to make themself feel better. I would hate to be trapped in a life as a victim or to feel so low about myself to be an abuser!! Good luck everyone if you are living this kind of life, may you have the strength to walk away

missy51970 Joined Fri 11/02/07 Posts: 12712	Thu 07/10/08 06:04 AM
Its nice to see some posts like this going up..Fran thanks doll.. youre right somewhere someone is going this. Scary thing is we all probably know someone going thru it or someone who has been thru it...

franshade Joined Tue 07/24/07 Posts: 24704	Thu 07/10/08 06:05 AM
Its nice to see some posts like this going up..Fran thanks doll.. youre right somewhere someone is going this. Scary thing is we all probably know someone going thru it or someone who has been thru it... definitely and there is someone who keeps this quiet and is suffering thru this alone.

paul40 Joined Sun 03/02/08 Posts: 356	Thu 07/10/08 06:05 AM
Ordering is another classic form of verbal abuse. It denies the equality and autonomy of the partner. When an abuser gives orders instead of asking, he treats her like a slave or subordinate. Denial is the last category of verbal abuse. Although all forms of verbal abuse have serious consequences, denial can be very insidious because it denies the reality of the partner. In fact, a verbal abuser could read over this list of categories and insist that he is not abusive. The second is countering. This is the dominant response of the verbal abuser who sees his partner as an adversary. He is constantly countering and correcting everything she says and does. Internally he may even be thinking, "How dare she have a different view!" Abusers have a need to control others around them, break the cycle, stop the abuse! Remove yourself, love yourself, you are so worth it!!! Are we in Kindergarten learning something here ?. .

franshade Joined Tue 07/24/07 Posts: 24704	Thu 07/10/08 06:06 AM
Ordering is another classic form of verbal abuse. It denies the equality and autonomy of the partner. When an abuser gives orders instead of asking, he treats her like a slave or subordinate. Denial is the last category of verbal abuse. Although all forms of verbal abuse have serious consequences, denial can be very insidious because it denies the reality of the partner. In fact, a verbal abuser could read over this list of categories and insist that he is not abusive. The second is countering. This is the dominant response of the verbal abuser who sees his partner as an adversary. He is constantly countering and correcting everything she says and does. Internally he may even be thinking, "How dare she have a different view!" Abusers have a need to control others around them, break the cycle, stop the abuse! Remove yourself, love yourself, you are so worth it!!! Are we in Kindergarten learning something here ?. . No Paul - kindergarden is in the next forum

unsure Joined Wed 08/16/06 Posts: 4886	Thu 07/10/08 06:07 AM
Ordering is another classic form of verbal abuse. It denies the equality and autonomy of the partner. When an abuser gives orders instead of asking, he treats her like a slave or subordinate. Denial is the last category of verbal abuse. Although all forms of verbal abuse have serious consequences, denial can be very insidious because it denies the reality of the partner. In fact, a verbal abuser could read over this list of categories and insist that he is not abusive. The second is countering. This is the dominant response of the verbal abuser who sees his partner as an adversary. He is constantly countering and correcting everything she says and does. Internally he may even be thinking, "How dare she have a different view!" Abusers have a need to control others around them, break the cycle, stop the abuse! Remove yourself, love yourself, you are so worth it!!! Are we in Kindergarten learning something here ?. . Did someone get up on the wrong side of the bed? If you don't like what someone posts, then the simple answer is...don't respond to it!!!