Gosh, you’re lucky. I sure wish men could experience the miracle of childbirth.

Do you think the baby will come before Monday Night Football starts?

I hope your ready. The Glamour Shot photographer will be here in fifteen minutes.

If you think this hurts, I should tell you about the time I twisted my ankle playing basketball.

That was the kids on the phone. Did you have anything planned for dinner?

When you lay on your back, you look like a python that swallowed a wild boar.

You don’t need an epidural. Just relax and enjoy the moment.

This whole experience kind of reminds me of an episode from I Love Lucy.

Oops! Which cord was I supposed to cut?

Stop your swearing and just breathe.

Remember what we learned in Lamaze class! HEE HEE HOO HOO. You’re not using the right words.

Your stomach still looks like there’s another one in there.

You don’t have the guts to pull that trigger.

I have modified some to reflect what I've actually heard


If you think this hurts, I should tell you about the time I twisted my ankle playing hockey

Do you think the baby will come before Ultimate Fighter starts?

true story

Simply, ooohhhhhhhh s@#t, caused a room full of silence,lol....