ant that just part of th on line dating game,,an if you are areful,,,,it's th same game in life also

It was a great thread! And some great comments. I have never been afraid of people off the net, and most of the ones that I have met have been normal guys that just have poor social skills (now thats reality). But those that do hide behind the keyboard are a bit questionable??

Happened to me after 13 years, with the ex husband.

This is a bit of a rant, but certainly not directed at the OP or anyone in particular. Read it with that in mind, please.

[rant] I used internet dating almost exclusively since 2001, as I can be quite shy in real life, believe it or not. Yes, I met many, many people through this venue. However, meeting potential life partners from online dating sites isn't something I enjoy - because it is extremely difficult to get an accurate sense of who the person really is beforehand - whether by phone or computer screen. The vast majority of our communication is non verbal, after all.

Disappointment in who people are inside AND outside is terrible, if it happens repeatedly. I must say, however, that most of the disappointments I have experienced were in that we didn't connect personality-wise or chemistry-wise. This had very little to do with looks. Can't stress that enough.

I disagree that a person is necessarily a fake if the pics look great. I know many, many people as friends with gorgeous looking pics. Granted many, if not most, people I know post pics that are 2, 3, even 4 years old. I have no beef with that. I'm not that superficial these days. Sure, I have done it myself. A person will post a fairly recent pic of themselves which they feel best represents them, their inner spirit. As long as it is not a gross misrepresentation of what they look like today, who the fork cares?!

People get so hung up about an extra 5 or 10 lbs on a person, or a few extra grey hairs, maybe a wrinkle or two. Come on, people! Are you looking for a life partner or a mannequin?! Let's get real here. What about passport photos and licenses? If that time span in replacing a federal or state ID is acceptable, why the hell is a few months, or a year or two such a big issue for you? Just how shallow are you? Funny, the people with the biggest gripes about others calling them "fat" or "ugly" (I've got news for you - it is not the outer ugliness they see, it is the inner ugliness, seeping through.) are the ones who seem to get so hung up on "other people's profiles and photos".

Michael saw BOTH my most recent pics and my older pics BEFORE he met me. He STILL chose to meet me, to take that chance. No, I wasn't perfectly fit and the fountain of youthfulness, but he still found me extremely attractive....and not just in looks. He liked who I was, what I represented, my outlook on life and in the world. I felt the same about him when we met.

I saw his pics. Some were distant, some were older. I took a chance on meeting him. I connected with him based on his aura, his inner spirit, his personality - who he was on the inside. Yes, he looks older and less fit in real life compared to his pics. So what!? I'm looking for a companion and partner, a life mate, not a poster boy! His looks had a FAR lesser role to play in my decision (although I must admit, I have a tall man fetish and like even features).

We are committed to getting/keeping fit in Mind, Body, AND Spirit - and we are doing something about it. That is what matters. If you seek perfection, you aren't going to have much luck in the dating world or in securing your "love match", believe me. I speak from a place of truth and experience.

There comes a time to reset our expectations, for BOTH ourselves and others, to what is attainable and realistic. Who gives a damn about a profile pic. Assume it is going to show the person at their best and take it from there. Why get so forkin' hung up on a profile. Are you going to have a potential relationship with a person or a two dimensional profile? Grow up. Going to obsess about stranger's profiles, even? Don't you have anything better to do in your free time than to dwell in anger and resentment?

Meeting is just that, a MEET. That is when we assess and decide whether we are attracted to the person (in mind, body, spirit) enough to want to actually DATE them. It is the same process that Peccy described earlier; just that it is done in a slightly different way, due to the impersonal nature of this medium. Does one think that having a profile means not having to look through that haystack, meet people, take risks? Hell no. The rules of meeting and dating don't change just because it has become easier to contact vastly more people over a broader area more quickly.

Get out from behind your screens and actually take the chance to meet the people you are interested in befriending or dating. As for the rest, why get so stuck on it. Move on.

There are special rules for meeting strangers off the net, however. Google and you will find tons of info on safety measures to take. Heck, there may even be info posted somewhere on this site on it. Look for it and learn, if you do not know. Don't go in naively unless you are prepared for the consequences. It is personal choice.

Common recommendation is for a short meet, say 15-30 minutes in a public, busy place, central (but not in) to both of your locations. Try not to drink alcohol during, as it impairs judgement. Take separate cars and don't get into the other person's car if you can avoid it on the first 2-3 meets or dates. Know the other person's home and cell numbers, their address, and their full name before you meet. Make sure you give the info to a trusted individual beforehand, just in case. Have that person check in with you to make sure you are okay. There is more info on safety out there. Get it. [/rant]

Have fun, be safe, but please don't be afraid to risk getting to know someone BEYOND their profile photo and online persona. You have to risk a little to hope to gain a little - or your heart's desire.

If a sociopath is going to strike, most likely, it will be by the 2nd or 3rd meet/date. Makes no difference how long you talk online or on the phone. Research it; you'll be surprised.

"It ain't real till its real."

I don't care WHO the person is.

replaced my common sense 40yrs ago...discovered girls and cars

Unfortunately, as someone said earlier, even though online dating has become much more mainstream these days, many of the people who use it exclusively do not have the social skills, life experience, or judgement others do. So, a review of internet/meeting safety is always a good idea. That being said, the hysteria and dissing of some around getting acquainted with people this way really irks.

duplicate

I just LOVED your truth here in all of it writings,,,and YOU are extremely RIGHT in this statement also..

ONE will only ever feel,see,and,find,,"REAL" in PERSON ONLY!!
To many HERE can USE words to mis-lead another and THATS why the net is to SOME only a place to PRETEND to be someone else,wink,lol
MANY DO THAT,,and THEY SHOULDN'T!!!!!!

I agree with some of the postings here. Always try to google the person to see if you can find out anything about them prior to arranging a meeting.

When I broke my leg and was on crutches I had a guy hound me to meet...I found out thru google that he only was into dating disabled women. Guess he ran out of options to ask me since I was only disabled while I had the cast on! No wonder he wanted to meet me fast

Sounds like he had a fetish.

exactly!

*decides not to quote to save space* I had to laugh when you mentioned the photos on our drivers license photos, passports, etc. angelindarkness -- maybe everyone should be required to use those as their profile pictures ... that would certainly screen out the people who are overly interested in looks only, wouldn't it!

(seriously, is there a special camera lens they use to make sure you look as hideous as humanly possible in those things? eeks! )

I'm not even willing to make that assumption. Not speaking in any way about people on this site -- since I've never met anyone from here, and the odds of it ever happening are slightly less than the odds of the sun turning into a giant bowling ball -- but 8 out of the 9 people I met from other sites have been absolute disasters. Intentions? Ouch. Sometimes the line between caution and paranoia is really hard to establish. I figured the smartest thing for me to do was to stop using dating sites as a way to meet people, and go back to the old tried and true (?) real world.

At least I know my friends aren't going to introduce me to arsonists, phony bank tellers, and fake kidnap victims.

Excellent! .. I find it pretty easy to figure out but for some I almost think they like living in the fantasy.

And then others worry about every single person on line. It's craziness.

It REALLY shouldn't be THAT HARD *rolls eyes and sighs*

This is true, I find I can express myself better online then in person. Like I stutter and stumble over my words a lot in real life.

Common Sense, is used so little, when I speak of it; I frequently have to explain what it is.
Who is educating the young these days?????????????

Actually, my current license pic is the most attractive pic of me I have, taken at a time I was at my fittest, and perhaps, happiest.

I agree about the passport photo, though. lol

And yes, it would probably screen them out.

LOL, to ask for COMMON,,is to start an argument with MANY as to what COMMON is anymore...

We ALL want to be so very different in our personalities and
who we are, as individuals....
I think its GREAT and so COOL to just be YOU and be real with all that you say and think...

Here many live in their own fantasy of a better reality of their own life! And in the end of their search,,,truth and their truth will cause their partner to see that they mis-led who they really our and then its good-bye and wondering WHY??

That being said, I ended up meeting my ex-girlfriend at her home the very first time. Or, that is, the home she was staying at. I was like 75 miles away and wanted to meet her at a restaraunt...but she had no job, no car, and was staying with friends.

Then, MY vehicle broke down, blew the head gasket on it. So her friends let ME move in too. I transferred my job, and three months later, I moved out of there and we got out on our own.

The first time we met, we wound up talking for 12 hours.