1. Two blondes walk into a building..........you'd think at least one of them would have seen it.

2. Phone answering machine message ..."If you want to buy marijuana, press the hash key..."

3. A guy walks into the psychiatrist wearing only Clingwrap for shorts.
The shrink says, "Well, I can clearly see you're nuts."

4. I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day but I couldn't find any.

5. I went to the butchers and I bet him 50 dollars that he couldn't reach the meat off the top shelf.
He said, "No, the steaks are too high."

6. My friend drowned in a bowl of muesli. A strong currant pulled him in.

7. I went to a seafood disco last week...and pulled a mussel.

8. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly. They lit a fire in the boat, it sank. Proving once and for all that you can't have your kayak and heat it too.

9. Man goes to the doctor, with a strawberry growing out of his head.
Doc says, "I'll give you some cream to put on it."

10. "Doc I can't stop singing The Green, Green Grass of Home"
"That sounds like Tom Jones syndrome."
"Is it common?"
"It's not unusual."

11. A man takes his Rotteweiller to the vet.
"My dog's cross-eyed, is there anything you can do?"
"Well," says the vet, "Let's have a look
at him."
So he picks the dog up and examines his eyes, then checks his teeth.
Finally, he says, "I'm going to have to put him down."
"What? Because he's cross-eyed?"
"No, because he's really heavy."

12. What do you call a fish with no eyes?
A fsh.

13. So I was getting into my car, and this guy says to me "Can you give me a lift?"
I said "Sure, you look great, the world's your oyster."

14. Two fat guys in a pub, one says to the other "Your round."
The other one says "So are you, you fat bast**d!"

15. You know, somebody actually complimented me on my driving today. They left a little note on the windshield.
It said, "Parking Fine." That was so nice of them.

16. A man walked into the doctors.
He said, "I've hurt my arm in several places."
The doctor said, "Well don't go there anymore."

17. Ireland's worst air disaster occurred early this morning when a small two-seater Cessna plane crashed into a cemetery. Irish search and rescue workers have recovered 1826 bodies so far and expect that number to climb as digging continues into the night...

# 10

17

Actually that one took me a moment to get....hard to believe since my oldest sisters were his groupies back in the day!!!