A friend of mine has had a very bad drinking and drug problem.....to the point she has lost everything....her husband left her..and she ended up moving in with a guy who supports all her habits....i have tried my best in the past to help her...went to meetings with her...she pretty much turned on me when i wouldnt give her money and all to support her habits...i am not stupid i knew where it was gonna go to...well...last night she was in an accident...she hit a man crossing the road and she was drunk...the police found crack in her vehicle..which i didnt even knew she did....the man had to be mercy flighted and not sure if her will make it..she is in jail and has at this point 4 counts against her....now me being a friend i am having a hard time standing by her on this...i feel like just washing my hands of her...i dont think i could ever look at her again...is this wrong of me??? what would you all do?????
If the man dies she is facing vehicular manslaughter...

Theres nothing you can do

You tried,
You can only do so much for someone...if they don't want to be helped than it is out of your hands. IMHO you shouldn't stand by her...or even try to support her..there is a thing called 'tough love' this to me sounds like one of those times...let her know that you care for her..but maybe this will change some of her habits and it honestly sounds like the best thing for her...it's a shame that she had to hurt someone else though. At first 'tough love' is looked at as 'abondendment' but later they normally thank you for it...that has been my experiences anyway. Good luck to you

These events have started a chain reaction that only God (or whatever higher power you may/may not believe in); has control over....the only thing you can do....is let the chips fall, and as soon as the dust settles, go to your friend and let her know you are there for her. If she pushed you away, tell her that if she does this, and you walk out that door, she will have lost the only true friend she ever had....

well i know..i am ashamed of her right now but yet i feel bad for her..should i go see her..shouldnt i???
I guess when i am a friend with someone i try to be there for them always.....i just feel bad for the whole situation and was trying to see what all you out there would do....thats all

Most people would have washed their hands of her long before this happened. You have done all you could and then some. You should not feel guilty for getting out of the situation. She needs to understand that, but she probably won't be able to until she gets some real help for her addictions. Feel sorry for her, pray the guy she hit lives, and don't feel guilty in the least.

Honey, I've been there with people in my life.

There is only so much you can do to the point of crossing the line and being an enabler. True help for them is not enabling them, as you know.

She must be so deep down in this mire she cannot see her way out. Prayers for her, those involved in the accident and you.

She needs serious help, unfortunatley maybe it will take something this horrific for her to see that now...

Peace to you...

Nope, if you going to play, then expect to pay. There is nothing you can or could do to help her. She has to learn how to want to help her self before anyone can even do anything. She is where she belongs...

You did what you could as a friend... You do not condone her actions and the outcome and that is your right.. I agree with Isaac, let her know you care but she did this b/c of her habits and worse hurt someone else.. It's always the idiots (no offense) that come out of it ok and the innocent ones that get terribly hurt or killed...

well sometimes jail is the best re-hab. There is nothing you can do.

And your all very much right...i thankyou for your input....and unfortunatly she is where she needs to be......And i pray to god that man lives.....either way she is going to be behind bars for a while and maybe they can help her while she is there.....
Thankyou again...

((((Chrissy))))

Good luck. I hope everything works out okay for everyone.

i have a cousin that is into alot of drugs and is a alcoholic,(gay) and his family have tried to help him time and time again, even his brother let him stay for 6months to get his self in order and that didnt work..they cant help him if he doesnt want the help, besides that if the alcohol doesnt kill him the aids will.. yes he has aids. he got it from his lover and he died from it. so my cousin either way is on the death bed from drugs alcohol or the aids...

I would not feel bad for her you did everything you could....I had an alcoholic friend let him move in for 2 weeks ,but turned out to be 5 months..he was up and down finally I had to turn him in for DWI and it was his 4 offense
do I feel bad no I may have saved some lives..anyway you were a good friend that got used that is what they do..

her outlook is different now, so go see her, and see what she has to say for herself. she may need to apologize for her behavior, after all, we are here to learn. this is predomenently a life-school that we are going through, and she may need one contact, for she exited all her options, and now she has nothing but time to think. if she doesn't come through with this by now, she's got more learning to do, and will have to come back again. good luck. and you are a better friend than she can imagine.

sounds like every one has made it pretty clear for you,,,,,,now it's your turn to just walk away an maby do a little praying,,,,if you go se her she will probley try to make you feelguilty,,,,,,,,,,good luck

If I was true friend as you seem to be; I would still be there for her. She is going to need someone she can lean on. Someone who doesn't see her through shameful eyes but concern. Her problems are not she, but a substance, or substances. When she sobers up, and this may take awhile (not just a few days if drugs are there)it takes a loooonng time to clear up the mind and spirit after such use. She will have such remorse and fear. She will feel abandoned form her friends. She will feel worthless and ashamed. You don't have to feel that for her, she will have plenty of it after she cleans up.

Do not...please...do not give up on her. She has hit her bottom, now she needs a friend to pick her up and show her love.I am not talking about giving her money. That would be stupid. Give her love, companionship, and above all...truthfulness. Be honest, caring, supportive. And don't be a sucker, her old ways are still there and she doesn't know how to act right now. Give her a place to fall, you need to be soft and you need to be hard. Good luck. You both will need it. If after this, she is still letting her addictive nature take over and continues on this path...then let her go. It would be the most honest and caring thing you could do. For you; and for her.

Kat

It sounds like she's well on her way to being beaten to that sweet state of reasonableness. Your feelings are valid. It is physically impossible to maintain any kind of healthy relationship with someone who uses drugs. A perspective on turning someone away who is currently using crack, heroin, or meth. First, they do not understand normal communication, due to the fact that the dopamine receptors of their brain are heavily saturated. Here is a translator, n: being a normie, d: being a drug addicted idiot.

n: It's getting late
d: Get the **** out of my house, you piece of **** crack whore, or I'll throw you out.

n: I don't know if it's worthwhile being your friend.
d: Why don't you go find a quite place and go shoot yourself.

n: Are you sure what you're doing is healthy?
d: You may want to **** up your life, but leave me out of it, and gtf out of my house.

n: Come in this house
d: Do I look like I let crack whores in my home? gtf out you worthless piece of ****.


It's not a matter of feeling what you say, but rather getting past their drug, and letting them know they're not welcome. Lastly, sympathy can kill. Feeling sorry for the addict is a weakness you cannot afford to have, because it likely will give your friend an opportunity to take inventory of your possessions. You'll likely hear, "I don't steal for it", or "I don't whore for it" or otherwise something they say they haven't done. I suggest just saying, "Yet. get the **** away from me".

When I hear about someone going to jail, I reference it as "judicial therapy". It's the kind of therapy that is akin to psychiatric holds, in that a person is removed from society because they are a danger to it. Sometimes it works, and sometimes it takes multiple sessions.