Two men met while both were looking for their lost wives.

1st: What does yours look like?
2nd: She is 5"7, 36-24-36, Fair, Black eyes. What about yours?
1t: Forget mine. Let's find yours!!
**********

Man comes home, finds his wife with his friend in bed
He shoots his friend dead.
Wife says, "If you behave like this, you will lose ALL your friends".
**********

Small Boy wrote to Santa Claus," send me a brother"
Santa wrote back," SEND ME YOUR MOTHER"
**********

What is the definition of Mistress?
Someone between the Mister and Mattress
*********

What's the difference between stress, tension and panic?

Stress is when wife is pregnant
Tension is when girlfriend is pregnant
Panic is when both are pregnant.
**********

Teacher: Do you know the importance of a period?
Kid: Ya, once my sister said she has missed one, my mom fainted, dad got a heart attack & our driver ran away.
**********

Son asks the difference between confidence and confidential.
Dad says, "You are my son, I'm confident. Your friend is also my son, that's confidential!"
**********

Mother to her teenage daughter: I think this is the right time we should talk about sex.
Daughter (Excitingly): Sure mom, tell me what do you want to know.
Mother Faints...

Santa was my favorite