Friday November 10
Halfway between the hospital and home the clock strikes midnight. It becomes official; I am now thirty-five years old. I know that I should be ecstatic that I am another year older, but I am not. My thoughts are with my grandma. I am frightened at the thought that I am about to lose her. I still have the second half of my trip to reassure myself that things will turn around. She WILL get better.
I pull up to my driveway, park and walk up to my apartment. It is dark. I don’t dare to turn the lights on, I just want to zone out to the world. Keeping the lights off somehow gives me comfort. I undress, get into bed, and start praying. I’m not praying to God, I pray to my grandmother, asking her to please stop feeling ill. “Please mami,” I say out loud into the darkness, as though my voice will transcend space and awaken her from her deep sleep. I close my watery eyes and cry. Eventually, I become so exhausted from sobbing that I fall asleep.
The sun peeks through my window, as though it isn’t sure if it should wake me. I get up, shower, get dressed, get in my car and take my trip back the hospital. From the freeway, I can see the hospital. I have become all too familiar with this recycling center of life; for every birth there is death. I hope that SHE will not be part of the process…, at least not yet.
I am the first of my family to show up at the hospital. I enter the building, and think to myself, “Well here I am again.” As I wait for the elevator, I look down to the lobby and wonder if the people down there also feel the same pain as I do, especially since it’s my birthday. I never really expected to be here on my special day.
“Bing,” the elevator alerts me that it is here.
A crowd of people walk out, some are crying; possibly from seeing their loved ones, others are indifferent. I just wait, impatiently, until it clears out. I am alone when I enter the elevator. I press the 2nd floor button and doors begin to close. It is as though I am destined to take this ride alone. “Bing” says the elevator. The doors open and I walk out unaware of what awaits me.
“May I help you?” the intercom voice says.
“Yes, I am here for 2514.”
“One minute please.”
My wait isn’t longer than a minute when I hear the clicking sound unlocking the door. I step inside and walk the long stretch of hallway. I turn the corner and walk towards my grandma’s room.
“My baby girl,” I exclaim. “My baby girl what has happened to you!?”
“Excuse me, why is she like this? Why is she bloated?” I ask the nurse extremely worried.
“I’m sorry but you need to speak to the doctor about her condition. He is doing his rounds and will be here in a moment,” the nurse says trying not to divulge too much information.
The doctor and his group of interns walk into my grandmother’s room as I walk out to allow them to work.
“Excuse me doctor,” I interrupt, “I would like to speak to you about my grandmother’s condition.”
“Sure give me a moment and I will be with you,” he says.

Part 9b later