Im sitting here tonight with a broken heart. I dont want to talk to anyone I know, theyve lived through it with me and like me, they are tired of it too. So Im hoping that writing about it will make me feel better.

I was divorced 3 years ago. Immediately after, I met the woman, that for all intents and purposes, was the woman of my dreams. She fit. Our first hug lasted 15 minutes. I broke half the stuff in her house out of nervousness. She was giddy and happy all the time. We dated 3 months that first time before things broke down. After 3 months she decided she did not need to be dating anyone, and I didnt speak to her for 6 months.

Last Dec 26 she called out of the blue and it was like nothing had ever separated us. The next 3 months were magic. Everyday was a wonder. She and her kids were over at my house or vice versa every day of the week.

And then one night, after I made dinner, she asked if Id watch her boys while she went out with a friend. I found out the next day, from several of our co-friends, that, instead of going out with her Girl friend, she had shown up at our local bar with an ex boyfriend. When confronted, she said that she had just stopped in to have a drink, and he was there.

I bought it, because I wanted too.

She introduced me to her family at their reunion, and I took her home to mine. Her family told me that I was the first guy she had ever brought home, and we got along great.

The day we got back, she broke up and began a spree of partying. Every night for 2 weeks she went out, and every night shed show up at my door at 2:30am begging me to let her in. I did.

She would swear she was just out with GFs, but I answered the phone twice and there were men calling for her, so I called it quits. After a few weeks I began talking to another woman.

We saw each other 2 weeks and I stopped. But to this day, my ex gf calls it cheating.

more craziness ensued. I did everything I could to fix things. She accused me of cheating regularly, lying constantly. It got so bad that she finally deleted my myspace and every girls number in my phone regardless of their relationship with me.

Yes I knew this was nuts, but I kept trying.

The last 3 months of our relationship she would break up once a week, then come back to my house after 4 or 5 days asking me to take her back.

The final straw happened 4 weeks ago. I was at her apartment, and was going to go to her apartment office when she told me I couldnt. She had told them months ago that if they saw me around her complex, they were to call the police on me.

Id been there every day for 4 months and she had never told them differently!

She has been diagnosed with Narcissistic Personality Disorder, and from everything Ive seen, its incurable. Theres no way she will ever be normal.

I realize Im painting myself to look bad. Im not happy with it either. 3 weeks ago I moved myself out of Dallas to Austin, leaving my son 4 hours away, but making it impossible for her to find me. Im done. Its over... but I still wish it werent.

Ive met a lot of women in the last 3 weeks and had 4 dates. Not a single one of them were attractive to me. I live in a town 10 miles between two of the largest colleges in the US and, although Im pretty lonely, will not stoop to dating someone just to fill the time.

Im not asking for advice. Im objective enough to see the silliness in all of this. I have been, for the first time in my life, co-dependant, and Im breaking this mold.

I had a blind date last night, someone i met online. She drove down from Dallas, telling me that she was coming here to visit and stay with a friend of hers. When she got here she told me that her friend wasnt answering the door, so she was going to get a hotel room. We went out, but there was no chemistry on my side.

she got upset that I wouldnt spend the night with her in her hotel and has been calling all day today.

What a headache!

At this point my goal is to not date at all. Frankly, if I did meet someone nice and they became attached, Im afraid that Im not currently in a position to return it and Id hurt someone who didnt deserve it.

I welcome anyones comments.

wow, that was tooooooooooooooooooooo long to read....time for a nappy....

Wow! Great book! You could sell this stuff!

wow..you've been thru alot...I hope you find what your looking for one day

Buddy,if I were you I would find another woman.

You mentioned this, and I agree. Prob a good idea to take some time for yourself. In many ways it’s a great thing to embrace being single. It’s a very liberated and free time. Just think about it. You will probably be spending most of your lifetime being married or what not than you will be single. So enjoy that limited time that you have. And most importantly make the most of it!

When I say focus on yourself, I mean a number of things by that. I mean rediscover all the things that you love doing. That really make you feel like yourself. Do things that bring out the best in you. Hang out with your friends and family. Do things that you couldn't do when you are with a partner. Explore, experiment, take chances. Do things that feed your mind, body and spirit.

Love and embrace being single. Love your life. Love every moment, or everyday of every single hour. Because no-one can ever give you that time back. Once it is gone .. it is lost forever and all you have is the wonderful memories of the past. That’s it.

and when you least expect it someone comes into your life. Its about not trying too hard. Sorry if i rambled here...just my in put.....teresa

You have been through a lot.....You have not afforded yourself the time to heal and/or mend......your heart goes out to those in need and you need them.....take a breathe, slow down and you will find release from the confusion, exctiement for the normal things again and a new you that is really stronger than you can imagine......

This woman will always be a headache!

I'm only going to say that I agree one hundred and ten percent with teresa and ADiamond....take time to heal...don't look for someone now, sounds like you are not ready.....

Take time alone to get to know "you" JMO

I felt I compared my dates to the one I lost..then I took the time to get to know who I was again.

I feel we "sometimes" wrap ourselves up in the one we love so much so, that we lose ourselves

Agreeing with some of the members here...take time for yourself. Take baby steps. Live and have fun! And when a girl come along, build some kind of friendship. Let that friendship last until you are certain she is the one. Best wishes to ya.

Something within you will not let go of the good and overlooks the bad things. Reality is she has both good and bad. Just like you have good and bad. Make a list you will wonder why you chose to avoid it.

Take a break do things for yourself that you like to do. Spend time with your friends. Try not to think about or mention her. Keep busy. When you get back on track then think about having someone in your life. You could date but you will just add more drama into your life and you'll get overwhelmed given the situation.

It isnt easy. Remember you not the only one out there who is in transition. You will survive we all do.

Hmmmmmmm time to cut your losses and get out........quick!!!! Start thinking with your brain and not your zipper.....

Rule number 1!!! She took advantage of you and you took her back.....which made you a sucker!!! And you did it again and again!!!

She will do this to you all the time because she has no respect for you......even if you did it out of love or being nice or whatever......

Million fish in the sea...3 of them are a perfect match for you...you weigh out the odds.

Time to yourself is best and don't even bother dating... but if you want company at least make that point loud and clear before anything else... women normally date to be romantic not just to be friendly... good luck, amor.