Topic: married and dating? | |
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ccp-conquest.....what is that? another trophy for the wall?????????????
as usual i'm lost...lol |
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leroy u have a sis? cool! welcome buttons!
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NO
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yeah Slow thats it!!
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well my wall is empty.......lol
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I don't even have a wall!!
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IcePrincess, Why the change of mind? LMAO....
My first thread I posted on here was about why someone would be on here if you're married? You went on about it's not cheating as long as your up front with it with all parties: So it's only dating (what if he doesn't sleep with her)? Enquiring Minds wanna know? |
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Similar situation to the question posted and this is based on a TRUE
STORY I know of that happened to one of my Best Friends Parents: The Parents were married about 30+ years (Very religious: Church on Sunday & Bible Study on Tuesdays & Thursdays, No Cursing, I actually saw the little brother get scolded for saying “darn”) The Wife came down with Alzheimer's disease. The husband cared for her as long as he could with in home assistance (the last two year while at home she had NO idea who she or anyone else was and got to the point she was smearing “Crap” on the walls). So the husband transferred her to a full care facility that specialized in Alzheimer’s care where the Wife lived another FIVE years. That’s SEVEN years of marriage that the Wife was clueless who anyone was PLUS another four or five years of her mentally breaking down and gradually forgetting more and more until she became essentially mindless. Anyone familiar with Alzheimer’s can “grasp”, but probably not understand, what kind of living Hell the Husband was in: So Peep’s is that still a NO on dating until she dies? While this was going on two daughters were married and lived in another state and the two younger sons lived in town... |
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i still say no to dating, if he wants out he still needs to get a
divorce, in a situation like this i'm sure he would be granted one, but it seems even sadder because she wouldn't even know about it. if he is lonely enough to want to move on than he should divorce first not just date while she withers away as his wife. |
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Fact is she's dead already in this situation (there is no cure and it
doesn't ever get better). Plus he still loved the memory of his wife and wouldn't Divorce. It wasn't about wanting "out" it was about ending it which took years. In that situation the poor man was virtually left alone with nobody to "comfort" him (and I'm not talking about Sex here). |
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i guess i could see a point of view there, but i know it wouldn't be a
choice i would make personally. |
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Hummmm well Sluggo u answered your question seems the man loved his wife
enough that he did not date while his wife was still alive. So when it comes dowm to it it will still be that persons option what ever they do no matter what we think or say we really have no clue what we would actually do until we were faced with that same situation ourselves. I can almost bet that the ones all saying no or the ones that say yes. If it came right down to it there is a possiablity that we would change our thoughts on how we would go about it. To divorce one because they were in that situation is just as bad, you have wrote them off. Hummmmmm so really would be hard to say I say no but if it went on for 5-10 yrs or more and fell in love with someone else even tho I was not looking would I then don't honestly know what I would do. |
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Not sure what I just rolled into but I would have to say no it would not
be fair to her for they planned a future together til death due them part I feel he should stay true to his vows since he is still taking care of her he less should go out all the way showing her that he meant his vows. This is my take on this issue:) |
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sluggo i'm sure i'm wrong but i guess the diffrence for me is she's
dying and it just seems wrong. |
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See the problem with Alzheimer's disease is even though the person is
completely gone mentally there is no way to predict how long they will live (because the body functions are completely fine). In the story I relayed the Husband started to become close to a Lady Friend at Church, a few years after the Wife was put into the Care Facility (who was fully aware of the situation). After the wife passed away he married the Lady Friend. The Daughters, who lived out of state, were pissed off at the Lady for coming into the picture before the Mom came into the situation (like most of you sound). My Friend ripped his two older sisters a new A-hole for trying to preach about morals while they lived out of state and weren’t there for their father: He also pointed out if they were closer to the family that their father might not have looked for Comfort else where. Either way it goes it was a messed up situation…. Sorry, right or wrong, on this situation I have to side with my friends Dad. |
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Only a genuinely sick in the head person would think it was OK to cheat
on an ailing spouse. |
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Wow...I think I was just called a "genuinely sick in the head person"
...even thought I don't know if they slept together. Thanks for showing your Depth zzzzzz ;-) |
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I'm sorry guys but this time I do understand what Sluggo is saying first
unless you have been around someone with Alzheimers and the severe cases of it you have no ideal what that does to the one that has it and the loved ones around them. It is not something that one gets better from once it starts it is all down hill. First of all if ya really read what Sluggo said you would be thinking differnt. One the man never gave up on his wife he was there till the bitter end no matter what he did , he did not disgrace there love or there marriage in public for anyone to know. If there was more than comfort between the two the man never let anyone know that. He married the other lady after his wife died. How many can say they would have waited that long that others never knew? And would you not want you spouse to at least find someone else to live there life out with if you ended up with a diesese that was life threatening to the point that there may be many years of you not even knowing who they are much less yourself? Alzheimers is not an easy diesese to watch slowly as it takes there minds away from them my aunt had Alzheimers but God took her before she reached that stage of no return. It is hard to watch and talk to them as there memory slowly fades away all those years and phoof there gone. But...... regardless what we say now until we are actually faced with that situation we really don't know what we would do. No one can face that all alone you have to have comfort in those times not saying sex for no one knows if they did but they did have each others comfort at a very trying time. |
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TXS, I just contribute it to ADD. Too many people don't have the
attention span to catch the details of a situation; they don't see the grey areas and think everything is black & white (these are the people that seem mentally challenged because they don't stretch their thinking capabilities and when a devastating or complicated situation is presented they fail to see the doors or options that are present in any situation). |
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Well I do know that if it was me lying there not knowing anyone or even
myself it would be a comfort knowing before I lost my memory that my spouse or partner would be there till the end with me to make sure all my needs were taken care of. But.... in no way would I expect them to put there life on hold and never have another to love or hold again. I don't want them to lay down beside me and die with me instead I would want them to live there life out and love again. Your friends dad even tho the daughters could not see that there dad needed someone also to help him through those times he was a gentleman in his actions and respected the love for his wife more than most would ever do. He should be admired for being there for his wife even tho she had no clue he never left her side. Now things would be totaly differnt if it was something that she had a possible chance of getting well. |
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